The End

Woman, watching the horizon

Ever story that has a beginning has an end. It’s inevitable, no matter what.

Beginning and the end – they meet at the same point. Sounds crazy? That’s because it is.

Nothing really happens, apart from the stories happening in my mind. It doesn’t feel that way though. We get so invested in stories that we weave – physically, emotionally, mentally – that it feels real. It has to be, for the sake and for the existence of the illusion.

The more invested we are in the story, the more real it feels, the more real it is. The more infused, the more attached we are to the illusion.

Here’s an opportunity to check where you stand.
What are the areas that get you hooked the most?

Those are your weak spots that keep you away from going free, from being totally free.

It can be attachments, aversions, obsessions, beliefs, habits – anything from work, school, success, health, food, sex, family, children, music, art, relationships, money, fame, sports, spirituality, lifestyle, etc.

What is your drive? Where does your attention flow? Towards entanglement or dissolution? That is the key, because any of those areas above can either be a way out or a way deeper into the matrix.

All the areas are benign on its own. Innocent. It’s us who apply meaning to each area; we are the story writers. The weavers of our reality.

Is the story I have just written offering you a way out or is it locking you further in? It’s that simple.

Use this simple checkmark, every step of the way, with every activity you engage in, to help you understand if you are on your way in or out.

I like this thought, it offers hope – well, at least to me.

I can still have passion for things in life, but my attitude becomes different, my focus is no longer about getting all wrapped in. It’s about taking each opportunity as a lesson, to live and let live. To taste, to experience and to move on (i.e., to be). No stories, no attachments, no aversions. Just like breathing air – breathing in, breathing out, in and out.

The sun simply shines, it never gets involved in any stories. Our minds do. Love is – light as a feather – yet we tend to make it all heavy, complicated. River flows and somehow we like to mess it all up, butt in, interfere with the flow, muddle the waters.

The flowers bloom, the birds sing, the honey tastes sweet. They all are & do what they are meant to be & do. Just like you & me could – and still can. You get the picture?

Life is is an abundant representation of pure energy flow and look what all we’ve managed to achieve.

We reduced it to daily problems, lies, manipulations, dramas, struggles, events of joy or sadness and we marinate there with our presence, fully engrossed – sucked in. We easily forget what life is all about.

Our stories become more relevant than what is – we become most important, so that the illusion can live on. The illusion wins.

The beginning becomes the end.

Try – sometimes – try to let go. See where it takes you… the pure flow.


“All that is gold does not glitter; 
not all those who wander are lost;
the old that is strong does not wither;
deep roots are not reached by the frost..”
― J.R.R. Tolkien

Time is Now

Sundial, park, fountain, sun

Time is now!

Time is always here and now.

The question is,
where are you now?

Are you now?
How much are you now?

Knowingbeing, and loving
the three pillars that lead towards eternal bliss.
Knowing who you are,
Being who you are,
Loving who you are—
the whole of the existence.

How confidently do you know to be yourself? If fragmented – how fragmented? Are you easily taken over by passing thoughts? By changeable emotions? Are you often getting stuck somewhere, marinating, regurgitating, reminiscing?

It’s ok to be wherever you are, as long as you remain aware- watching, being as impartial as you can, seeing what is going on, without reacting, no clinging, aversion, or remorse.
Then, merging back as one whole unity, with more awareness. You disperse your thoughts consciously – only to fuse them back again. You return to your core self.

On the other hand…

When unaware, taken by the whim – unpredictability becomes a poor man’s excuse. A poor man’s choice.

It occurs when you are unable to hold yourself accountable for your actions, and instead, you sink into your unreliable, whimsical reactions.

It simply means you do not know how to hold yourself well and you do not hold yourself long enough to know.

A bitter pill to swallow for the parts of us that like to brag about being unpredictable.
It all comes down to our own instability; lacking balance within ourselves. It’s a useful indicator, part and parcel of our individual progress. As we journey on, strengthening our awareness muscles, our personality is becoming more and more integrated with our true self – the expression of our soul.

Knowing ourselves, no matter what, how long, or where, or who we’re with, is the paramount of a solid backbone. So you don’t get swayed away.

You know the song: “Che sara, sara, whatever will be will be, the future’s not ours to see, che sara, sara.”
I used to sing that as a child – quite often. Today I know that’s not the tune I want to hum and the attitude I choose to aspire to. On the contrary, I know it’s an attitude that leads to an unsettled, fickle mind.

Knowing, being & loving – they are the three pillars that lead towards eternal bliss.
Knowing who you are,
Being who you are,
Loving who you are and the whole of the existence.

God is Love and Love is God. So are you, and so am I.
Every time I get inspired to write, the purpose is always to bring me closer to where I belong.

Yeah, I like today’s message. It clarifies my mind like the fire clarifies the butter into most delicious irresistible ghee! I’m very grateful for this precious gift.

In the Midst of the Night

Mermaid, ship and a dragon in the ocean

There are moments in life when we get stuck,
feeling stranded, depressed, emotionally distressed
with no sight of the Rock to wash upon.

There are moments when we get lost

among the sand dunes
as the scorching sun blazes from the sky.
It’s a no man’s land
with eternally burning sand
that sucks life out,
leaving it high and dry.

There’s no sight of oasis
in those bleak moments of seeking truth,
and while praying to Goddess or God,
we forget about connecting to our higher self.

A different aspect of reality,
Buddha calls it Dukkha.
Many call it misery, sorrow, or suffering.

It’s the place most people fear to face.
We’d rather ignore it or avoid it.
We tune out by choosing
Netflix, ice cream, or a bottle of vine to feel numb—
roll a joint, force ourselves to sleep with a tranquilizer of some kind,
succumb to temptation,
or conjure up a new type of distraction.

Sometimes, it’s ok when it’s too much to tackle all of a sudden,
but there comes a time
when we have no choice but to confront our own face.

Dark moments come – it’s ok.
Let them come.
Let them sway you away,
pull you into darkness.
Let go, slide down, hit the rock bottom.

Feel it, breath it, become it,
let it rip you apart, shred you to pieces,
devour you, until nothing is left.
Until nothing is left of your frightened self.

So, let go, stop resisting, go with that flow.
Look into your black hole – what do you see?

What do you feel?
What are you avoiding,
not willing to confront?
Is it the change you’re resisting,
pushing yourself further away?

What would it take to face your own fears,
your demons, your shadows, your hungry monsters
fully present on your own?

How about this time, you choose to dive into darkness
without a slightest idea when you will see the light of another day.
Deep into the rabbit-hole, willingly choosing to leap in,
to dive deep.

Going to places where the world appears bleak, desolate, cold and hostile,
you stop and wonder: What have I done to deserve all this—
the agony, complete absence of peace and sanity?

Deep into the blue, I choose to dive
as I watch the mermaids swimming by my side,
luring me deeper into the deepest,
darkness of the deep blue.

A place of no return?
I sense death,
I welcome the end,
I fear not,
I don’t mind.
It’s simple to bow down and bend.

Fool yourself not
by falling for the ingenious plots of your pitiful mind.
Forget not!
There is no end, no death, no escape,
not this sort of “cutting it short”.
Fool yourself not, I dare say.
Snap out, stay with me, do not drift away!

Eyesight splinters
as I receive the insight:
When you blindly follow your desires,
thinking there are no consequences to your thoughts,
your words, your actions – think twice
In that very moment,
you have already began charting the course of your next direction.

To balance the equation and for the universe to maintain in perfect harmony,
everything—every thought, word, or action—has a counter-reflection,
if you want it or not. 
That is not a choice or a question open for discussion.
You reap what you sow.
There is no escape from this perfect mathematical equation.

However, there is a shortcut called vairagya1.
It requires active renunciation.
It means no more chasing after or creating new desires.
It demands arduous discipline,
your fullest attention,
and living according to the principles of yoga,
abstinence, service to others.
There’s no room for projections or reactions.
You are no longer the center of rotation.
More and more, you focus on the world around you
through the eyes of the Creator, Brahma, God, the Force.

Your daily life goes on unaffected.
Your thoughts, habits, behaviors, attitudes – they change.
The real transformation happens from within.
There’s no way to fake it.

There’s no need to feed your ego anymore.
Having to feel good about yourself is gone.
Continuously seeking recognition for your deeds, your acts,
needing to make a “difference” in this world – that game is done.
This includes my poem – it all comes, it all goes.

I let what comes come, I let what goes go, I observe what remains.
I am who I am. Thank you, baba Ramana.

Gate gate pāragate pārasagate bodhi svāhā
Gone, gone, gone beyond, gone all together beyond, oh what an awakening. All hail!

You are nothing, no thing anymore.
You give yourself up to the force that sustains You
and every other living form.
You are no more.
You are no less.
You are NOT in the form of God,
God IS in the form of YOU.

Contemplate upon this thought.
Find out where you are on your path.
Realize your own truth.

I’m ready to walk.
May the new leg of this journey begin.

Om Namo Guru Dev Namo 
(I bow to the infinite teacher within
and open myself to the infinite source of wisdom
and creativity within me)

1. Vairāgya (वैराग्य): a Sanskrit term used in Hindu as well as Jain philosophy that translates as non-attachment, desirelessness, dispassion, without attraction or aversion.

Life is Your Oyster


Your life is your oyster,
so live fully
and love wholeheartedly.
Respect all life forms,
even the pesky army of ants invading your sink,
including the blood-thirsty bugs that prick

through your precious skin. 
Trust life – there are no mistakes.
Be grateful for all you have and don’t have now or quite yet.
Share your blessings.
Learn to generously give and graciously receive,

whatever it may be.

Swim through your life gracefully;
There’s no need to resist the flow.
Give yourself in, so you can glide effortlessly.
I know that you can,

I know that you will!

Be kind to yourself, to others.
Strive to do the best you can.

Work it out before you act it out. 
Work it thoroughly out.
Don’t let the old habits you no longer need act you out.
You have the power to alter and script your old story.
Where there’s wisdom, courage and will, there’s always a way.

Work ardently, patiently, and persistently!
You are bound to succeed

and cut down the number of Groundhog Days. 

Find your own pace, your sacred space,

and your inner peace.
Know thyself so you can trust yourself.

At all times, recognize what tingles your heart,
what kindles your flame,
what gives you joy, the spark in your eyes.

Use your time well,
and may your life be an incredible journey
to always be proud of, to behold!
Make sure you never feel remorse.

Before my eve comes to an end,
I say thank you,
I bid you farewell,
I send you my love with a smile,
with hope for another glorious day. May it be blessed. 

Victimhood of Sadness

Alice walking through a tunnel

I want to focus my attention towards a particular emotional downfall I experience when I get triggered.

Seeing it eye to eye, just a few days ago, I came to realize that sadness is just another addiction. Certain emotions carry the potency of throwing us off balance and pulling us down. This happens to me when I feel sad, angry, afraid, worrisome, disappointed, insecure, etc.

I realized that the outcome I experience is a simple, straightforward consequence of a childhood unresolved trauma. I was 10 years old, my father – the key person in our family had passed away suddenly. The little me had created a story in her mind of being left behind, not loved, abandoned, nobody there to take care of her anymore – during that time I experienced and absorbed a lot of sadness and disappointment.

These were the two emotions that became prevalent in my life. I have developed a part of my identity – the sad, disappointed me, that often but secretly dominated over other emotions. This means that a part of my personality had to be continuously fed to keep on existing – which nicely led to the convoluted craziness of perpetual viscous circle of victimhood of sadness.

Throughout life I would often recreate scenarios to feed that part of my identity over and over again – this became a part of my reality.

Recently I have experience one of my self-mastered scenarios and I have finally gained insight into what was going on. In this particular instance, I was lucky to have been caught by my friend, who has a razor-sharp insight and who was able to penetrate through my unconscious self and blast out the dark chamber with the much-required light.

At the end of this drama, I realized that it was me who manifested the whole situation. I subconsciously invited the other person to play the role necessary for me to react exactly the way that had the potency to trigger my emotion of sadness. Here’s what has happened.

It was a lovely summer afternoon, we were sitting around the table, having a pleasant conversation over a dinner. All of a sudden, I went completely off tangent, babbling about whatever I started babbling about, which appeared as if I was in conversation with myself. My ‘co-speaker’ did no longer feel icluded and he didn’t feel like entertaining my solo stage diva performance. He called out the change of my behavior, stopped listening to me and I felt cut off. Suddenly, I fell into sadness that I wasn’t able to explain in that very moment.

My first reaction: “he doesn’t love & respect me” and I became deeply saddened with tears clogging my eyes, feeling as if someone started choking my throat. My connection with another human being abruptly came to an end.

I reacted and derived a false conclusion that my friend did not pay attention to what I was talking about because he doesn’t love and respect me. All that only to support my fake little paradigm.

If you have ever studied Patanjali Yoga Sutras you will remember that the author refers to the fluctuations of the mind as Vrittis. For me, the second sutra is one of the most important sutras in the whole book. It goes like this: ‘Yoga citta vritti nirodha‘. Yoga is the union of the mind and the discipline needed to achieve the unification, citta is the mind, vritti refers to a way of existing (mind modification), and nirodha means removal; inhibition; stoppage; suppression or restraint.

Putting it all together: “Yoga is the removal of the modifications of the mind – or removal of certain ways of existing – the ways that no longer serve us.” Please note, I have only provided the most basic interpretation of the second sutra – for a more in depth study and understanding, I would suggest you refer directly to Patanjali Yoga Sutras by I.K. Taimni.

I am very lucky and grateful. When something like this happens in my daily life, I have the inexplicable and urgent need to look deep inside the bothersome matter. I cannot go on without resolving the issues. My yoga is to consciously walk towards attaining unification of the mind, which means following the required discipline and practice that lead me towards that unification (also called sadhana).

In this particular case, I stepped aside and I took a few minutes after the event took place. I sat down, gathered my thoughts, required clarity and started jotting down what has just occurred and what I have experienced. I am only able to do this kind of deep work thanks to years of practicing Kriya Yoga. I’m sure there must be other ways for one to achieve similar realizations and resolutions, but Kriya Yoga is the path I have chosen to follow, a technique that works for me.

Going back to my story. I believe communication to be the paramount of a sustainable relationship – you have to learn to communicate if you want to cultivate a healthy relationship. You can’t just pile up unresolved issues and push them under the carpet, expecting everything will be ok and carry on as if nothing ever happened. It never works, it will erode and destroy your relationship and push you further apart. It’s not worth it – so, whenever something similar occurs to you and you have the opportunity to look into it, I highly recommend you put in some effort and find out what’s really going on – for you. For your own good. I assure you, it will make a huge difference in living your life more fully, lovingly, and freely.

At the end of my drama, I realized that all along I was unconsciously playing a very familiar game. I was using the ‘don’t love & don’t respect me trump card’ as a bait for the ego to help me spiral down the habituated part of identity I assumed as a child – sadness, withdrawal, closing down. The whole situation had absolutely nothing to do with what was occurring here & now or with the lack of love & respect my friend has for me.

Which makes me wonder. How many other similar situations have I orchestrated in life and how often, only to have thrown myself off center – depriving myself of here & now of living my full potential. How unnecessary is that – the obvious act of self-sabotage… All good, I will apply myself better going forward.

I hope that sharing my story provides an insight for you to recognize some of the blind spots most of us are struggling with. I hope you will be able to catch yourself or someone else before you/they start spiraling down the rabbit hole, while at the same time you will gain clarity to stop the game of using or falling for the ‘lack of love & respect’ scape goat to feed the hungry ghosts or vrttis.

Our beautiful minds can get very flexible and we have endless amount of creativity to produce oodles of ‘baloneys’ with our convoluted stories, just to keep the habituated victimhood roles & dramas alive and going. Once you realize that and acknowledge the fact that you don’t have to play that role again, because it’s not who you truly are, you can choose a different, more authentic way of your truer self-expression.

I also realized the love and respect I have for myself is not yet 100% – hence the projection towards someone who is close to me about their lack of love & respect towards me. Even though my projection is completely unsubstantiated. Another nugget to work through… all in its due time.

I strive to remain truthful to myself, because only truth liberates. It adds stability to my way of being, thus I face less and less reactions, self-imposed restrictions, and unnecessary drawbacks. Life can be good anf life is good.

As the guide on my side points out (with a bit of a twist of my own): “Work it out before it acts you out. Catch it early – nip it in the bud.”

The original quote goes like this: “Work it out, before you act it out”. You may want to check out more on the Private Work Self Coaching platform – it’s a useful resource, full of guided activities, designed towards generating much needed awareness and cultivating beautiful streams of insightfulness.



Groundhog peeking out of the hole

I have attempted to write a piece on self-acceptance half a dozen time by now. It didn’t feel quite right, so I couldn’t share. Today is the day when I feel the time is right.

What do I mean by acceptance?

The acceptance of the physical form each of us has been born with. Our physical form that enables your soul, my soul to express itself in this world – through our bodies – our vehicles – our vessels – our temples. I’m talking about acceptance of my tangible, physical form, my precious body.

Perhaps this has been one of my toughest challenges I had to go through in life thus far. Acceptance of my physical form, the way I appear to be, the way I look – the transitory vanity, yet an important aspect of our soulful expression in this world.

When we’re born, the soul incarnates.

In+carnates – ‘carneus’ – Latin word for ‘of the body, flesh’.

Each individual soul enters the body, infuses the physical form with life, with a very unique essence, one of a kind.  

I can’t see any other logical or illogical way to explain my understanding of this mystical union between the spirit and matter.

When it’s time for the soul to depart, the heart beats its final beat. The soul and the body part once again. The body goes to dust, back to mother Earth who extended its own material form to give us the structure when we began this journey. On the other hand, the soul is free to float again, to linger in timeless, spaceless soup as long as that is required. Unless the soul has become completely liberated, ready to fuse back with the source. If that is not the case, the soul prepares to join the queue and start the earthly journey all over again.  

Human beings – we are all spiritual beings who have been given or have chosen this transformative opportunity of experiencing life through the physical form in this wondrous realm.

It has often been said, that we are spiritual beings with physical experience and not just physical beings merely having a spiritual experience. If that was not true, it would be the body the precedes the soul, and not vice versa. Seems like a fact even logic can’t deny. Though, feel free to challenge my thought, I welcome it, because nothing is set in stone!

Why do some of us struggle in our form so much that we put ourselves through experiences that are detrimental to our body & soul, not allowing the soul to express itself freely, to the fullest? Why do we put up so much resistance and fight? What is the root cause of such an attitude devoid of an altitude worthy of every glorious soul?

Could it be that deep inside we haven’t fully let go of the previous life experience when the soul left the body to return to the ‘soup state’? Before assuming a new one? Not accepting the outcome of all our actions that have led us to another Groundhog Day, where we get one more chance to rectify all we have done and haven’t done accordingly to how things should have been done to achieve a perfect balance and harmony? Body, soul, and mind?

My resistance in this life was so deep and strong that I manifested a life where I was told from an early, most imprint-able age that I was ugly, slow, dumb, and weird. The mantra slipped so deep under my skin that it became my reality, although it was not. It was all happening in my mind.

I was always a very skinny, lean child – however my self-perception got distorted. As I became a teenager, every time I looked myself into the mirror, I would see myself being too large – even though that was not the fact.

When someone took a picture of me all I would see was an image of an unattractive face that I deeply disliked. When I look at those pictures today, all I can see is an innocent, beautiful looking child with glowing eyes.

Such false self-perceptions, reinforced with reoccurring, not-supportive parenting methods in upbringing can lead to various eating disorders that have a potential to disrupt the balance body, mind balance, it can mess up essential digestive fires, and interfere with the will to live.    I have experienced this first hand. Due to my self-destructive behavior, I nearly drove myself over the edge. I was lucky & graced to have found a way out. It probably took a setback of around 12 years of my life when it comes to my career, relationship, peace of mind, general stability and balance in life. What a price to pay, nevertheless, it all fell into place at the end.

My stomach & digestive system was out of synch; my body cells were so inflamed that it took 10 years of intense healing to restore it to its original state of homeostasis. State of balance, harmony, and peace was not there. I was saved by the grace and grace alone. If it wasn’t for my dearest friend, his kind and generous heart, I would not be where I am right now.

What have I learned? I have learned about the enormous power that external projection has on forming our self-perception – the way we see ourselves and our bodies and what an important part it plays in the upbringings of every single precious child. The impact it has throughout our entire life if perceptions remain distorted, hidden in the subconscious, and unhealed. Our reality becomes twisted and it can take years to undo the damage.

Food plays an incredibly important role in our life; it sustains us, nourishes our bodies, provides all the nutrients required for us to function. The balance is very delicate, yet incredibly crucial for the journey of the soul.

Will the soul be able to shine through or will we get lost in struggles and shadows of self-destruction, resistance, various food related obsessions, issues with visual appearances, and false perceptions?

Quick reality check: Ask yourself a question: “What is your relationship to food?”

How much time in my life have I already managed to hijack from myself – from my soul’s full expression? Do I still want to continue doing so, or is it time to resolve and let the soul shine through?

I know that only by welcoming myself fully, accepting the full length of how my life has unfolded can set me free. Accepting the way I look, how I sound, the way I move, my thoughts, how other perceive me; accepting myself physically, fully, 100%.

No external opinion about my appearance, no remark, no comment anyone makes can shake me anymore. Even when those comment come from the people closest to me in my life. I understand that whatever somebody says has nothing to do with me and everything to do with themselves – their proclivities, projections, part of their healing process. All I can do is listen and stay consciously aware.

This can only happen because I have fully healed that aspect of once my wounded self. If I get triggered and react it would simply mean I have some more work to do on that front – some more outstanding healing.

I also accept the fact that whatever has happened to me in the past was for a reason. It’s what we make out of it that crates a difference and that mostly depends on our level of awareness at any given point in life.

When I was a child, I didn’t have much awareness, hence I was easily manipulated in thinking whatever anyone else had thought of me. It took many years to figure out who I was and get rid of all the projections my brothers, parents, school, society, etc., has imprinted upon me. I had my weak spots. At some point in life, every weakness has the potential to turn into the source of our greatest strength. That depends entirely on me in my case or you in your case.

Today, food is my source of strength, health, creativity, and inspiration. I have developed a deep appreciation and respect for what sustains me in life – what keeps my cells alive, gives me power, and adds clarity to how I think, what I do, what I’m able to share, and how I am able to express myself in this world. Thank you, life, for all the teachings, for all the abundance I am able to receive, for all the blessings showered upon me and us all. Thank you, life. May all be free.


We All Struggle – Until we Don’t

Mother and a child

My every day can start off bright and shiny, but there’s no guarantee my experience will continue being the same through my day. As day goes by, there are so many different occurrences that can impact my moods, emotions, thoughts, my level of energy.

For example, I’m not that great in prolonged exposures in crowdy places. I can manage, for a while, but it takes a toll. My comfort zone is being around a hand-full of people in bright, open spaces, where nature dominates the place. I know my limits; I have not yet grown up to a more challenging environment without taking a hit and that’s ok. I know that I’m exactly where I am supposed to be, and that’s true for every single day in my life.  

For example, a few days ago I was traveling from Costa Rica to California. Everything was fine up to the point when I had to join the endless spiraling queue with hundreds of other people waiting to get through the US immigration process that IMO is no longer fit for the 21st century. Many fellow passengers were anxious, not knowing if they will ever manage to catch their connecting flight. It was 1pm, my flight was scheduled to leave at 4:10pm. I was ok to start with, I was mainly being by myself, listening to Osho’s discourses – The Divine Melody – reminding me of the essence of life.

At the same time, I started noticing the energy around, which was quite turbulent. The watch was showing 3:20pm when I got to the immigration officer who seemed not to care very much.

As soon as I was done, I rushed off trying to find Terminal 6, which couldn’t be placed at the very end of all the terminals. Luckily my friend I was travelling with managed to check in my luggage. It was 3:45pm and I really didn’t want to miss the flight and get stuck in the LA. Later on I figured out there are plenty of planes flying out to where we were going, so it wouldn’t be that much of a problem. However, being stressed out, in the thick of the rush, I couldn’t see or think clear.

When I was about to join another security scanning queue, I noticed there was quite a strong-willed man next to me, who was intending to do the same thing, at the same time as me, only that I was faster. That seemed to have triggered something inside him; he had a strong reaction and that irritated him tremendously.

All that was on my mind was, ‘please God, help me catch this flight’, whereas he lashed fiercely at me and was deeply insulted for me pulling ahead of him. I apologized, said: “I’m really sorry, but I just need to catch my 4pm flight, I really didn’t want to upset you.” I told him: “please go ahead of me,” but he did not accept, he carried on with his energy attack, which by that moment had already reached its destination – ‘me’. He insisted that I go ahead of him, that his flight was only at 7pm and its ok, with a ‘not ok’ expression on his face. I didn’t want any more confrontations so I went ahead. At the same time, I could feel the irreversible damage – well, at least irreversible for the next 1h before I was able to recover and come back to my senses. I tried to get in touch with Joe, who was already on the plane. I wanted to let him know that I’m on the way – however, my phone connection failed, I couldn’t get through, which added to my anxiety.

With a bit of help I reached my destination; I paused at the counter where I had to show my boarding ticket and I took several deep breaths to relax before I moved on. The hostess looked at me and said it’s ok, you made it on time.

I managed to get on the plane at 4:03pm, just on time for departure. Nevertheless, my heart beat went up sky high, along with my cortisol and stress levels which depleted the final few ounces of my energy reserves.

I had to face a lot of emotions; all I could think of was: “I want to go home”. The thought I resort to when I need to feel safe, sheltered, and nourished. In that moment I felt like a vulnerable child, exposed to very intense emotions that shook me up.

I realized it was my childhood trauma that reemerged to the surface. It all goes back to my first airport experience, which was quite traumatic. I was 15, going to Canada for 3 months over my summer school break. My mum and my oldest brother dropped me off at the Munich airport and left after checked in.

I was left on my own, it felt exciting, yet overwhelming. As soon as I stepped on the airplane the hostess checked my documents, passport, visa and she made a big deal about me traveling on my own – well rightly so. A child travelling on their own can easily cause suspicion, it’s something that should be taken seriously to ensure everything is ok. After all, I was only 15.

I was trying to explain that I had to leave all supporting documents and my mother’s consent letter at the ambassy when I applied for the visa – I had no documents on me that would demonstrate the proof she was asking for. She was insisting to see those documents, else I would have to leave the plane. The grueling went on; I was in almost in tears, trying to explain, to convince her that it’s ok, I am going to my aunt’s place who’ll be waiting for me at Toronto Pearson airport, that I am safe. I was also trying to explain my caretakers had already left and I’d be stranded at the airport, which could be worse.

There was so much fear and anxiety going on, tensing my body, shriveling me up in that moment. There were no mobile phones at that time. My mum and brother were on the way home, which meant I’d be stuck at Munich airport, with no one to call, I had no idea how to speak German at that time, I wouldn’t be able to spend my summer on Niagara on the Lake, meet my aunts, my cousins, see my other brother, and I had no ideas how to get back home.

I was in my fight and flight mode – totally shaken up, when by pure grace, somebody interfered. It must have been the captain who said it’s ok, you can go on and take a seat.

In tears, flooded by emotions of fear, sadness, shock, relief – I sat down. That first flight has painted my airport experience. It went so deeply, that I managed to manifest the repetition of various events that led to the similar emotional states several times since.

Situations such as the one above happens so we can be reminded of various blind spots we have to deal with, to heal, to look into, to reflect upon, and eventually come out clean on the other side. And then, another situation will occur to help us penetrate even deeper, to peel off all the layers of the onion that surround our true essence. The peeling off journey that takes us to a peaceful place where no matter what happens it no longer shakes us up.

Once you reach the core, there is no occurrence or situation in life that will throw you off balance. It’s easy to know when you get there, because you remain there permanently – unshaken, solid, like a rock that’s been sitting on the ocean shore for a millennium or more – despite the endless count of waves bashing into it, 24/7, 365 days a year, year on year, and so on. When you reach that point in life, you just know it, there is no second through, there is no doubt.

Until we get there, it’s important for people close to us to know what’s going on with us internally, so they don’t feel there’s something wrong, or that it’s their fault, or something they might have done. It’s important to share what’s really going on. This way we can avoid many unnecessary stories, dramas, and new obstacles.

Remember – each of us is dealing with our own struggles the very best we can, we just need a bit of support from time to time; a word of encouragement, a loving, kind, understanding heart, a touch of hand, a kiss, a hug, bit of love that has the power to uplift, to instill hope, to help us can carry on in life, so we don’t give up.  

Your kindness has an enormous power; never underestimate the impact your kind thoughts, words, and action can have.

A kind, loving, genuine look, word, gesture that comes from your heart has an incredibly strong ripple effect that reverberates across the universe and never gets unnoticed. Thank you for that! 

May all be well.


Seize the Day

Boy with a rose

Life in a Rose…

The beautiful rose has been capturing attention and the hearts of millions, ever since we come in touch with the queen of the flowers. I like to believe the queen will continue mesmerizing our hearts until the end of time. With its exquisite appearance, intoxicating scent, and powerful presence.

The rose equally demands your full presence, your complete surrender and attention, else it cannot reveal itself to you in its fullest glory.

You may have noticed a rose, passing by, but when was the last time you have really seen the rose? When was the last time you had the full experience of complete immersion and oneness with this magnificent, divine being full of grace?

Have you ever made love to a rose? When did you really take in all her scent? Can you remember? Or will you go on living as if it doesn’t matter, only to realize how much it really matters when it’s too late and that rose has withered away?

You’re lucky, for there are plenty of roses blooming throughout the year in every corner of this wondrous world.

Seize the precious moment, as often as possible and keep your heart open and expanding as long as you can. 

Stop the madness of rushing to get to the next point in your life, to reach yet another goal. I’m sure you will reach it, but at what price? Do yourself a favor once in a while and stop by the rose, surrender yourself fully to that unique moment and get a sense of oneness.

Experience the magic the rose is willing to share with you, to take you beyond what you thought was even possible. Life goes by so quickly. It’s those precious moments in life that make a difference. The moments that bring the smile from deep within, the moments that infuse your heart with joy, crack your heart open to love, receive love, and feel the gratitude for being alive.  

Carpe Diem 🙏

Your final words as you depart this realm of wonder should sound & feel a bit like this: thank you all, thank you glorious existence, I have lived a great life. Farewell, I go in peace, with a smile.


The Power of Your Inner Resolution

Campfire with 3 friends and a child

I’d like to dive into the following set of ubiquitous questions that are pertinent to so many of us.

How do we come out of drama? Why does my mood get influenced by other people’s actions or reactions? Why do I get sad, angry, irritated? I try to stay composed, but when I see someone else close to me being grumpy it disturbs my peace… what to do in that moment?

The power of resolution is within you. What do I mean?

It’s the QUESTion that drives the resolution. It’s the question that defines your stance, current situation, and your future. The question is your guide.

To start with – instead of asking a question “How do WE” – the emphasis should always be on ME! How do I…? The power of resolution is concentrated inside yourself. The correct use of language is important. When I start disidentifying myself with we, I take away a great portion of my own strength.

Imagine you saying to yourself, and there’s only you, nobody else – now WE will eat this piece of scrumptious pie that is laid in front of US on the plate. We will drink the juice from this glass. WE cannot – only YOU can.
I can eat the blueberry pie, as slow or as fast as I wish, with my fingers, with a fork, or a spoon. I can even have it with ice-cream, as an appetizer, main dish or a desert. Breakfast, lunch or midnight snack. I can finish it off by licking the tips of my fingers if I wish so. The emphasis is on the experience of “I”. 

It’s that simple.

A more precise question formation would be: How do I come out of drama. Now that’s a more accurate guide. Once you ask yourself that question, close your eyes and start tapping into your deeper layers of your mind.

What do I mean by drama? What does drama represent to me?

The answer is very personal to each of us, nobody else can provide that answer to you. We each have different backgrounds, level of tolerance, perception, awareness – each of us is bound to perceive life events and drama in a different way. What irritates me? If I remove that irritation from my life, what does that feel like? Where is this irritation coming from?

For example, my irritation gets triggered by me noticing someone smacking their lips when they eat, I start rolling my eyes, as soon as I hear that smacking sound.  I say to myself: ‘It’s been so many years and it still gets to me? What is this craziness, obsession of me even noticing that sound? Why can’t I simply let go?’

The point here is not about me trying to change someone because their action irritates me, but by figuring out what is it with me that causes that reaction? Why can’t I get over it. So much so, that I begin being irritated by myself not being able to get over it. The drama takes the twist, becoming even more “drama rama”.  

As I tangle myself in irritation, I lose my focus, my presence of what really matters. I become consumed by trivial matters in life and that is the price that I pay, being overshadowed by the mighty drama.

When I get irritated by something, it indicates my own inner resistance to what is occurring here and now. My resistance to get over the obstacle that prevents me to be fully present, to breath freely, to laugh, to love, to enjoy the moment.

Instead, all the beauty is gone – delicious blueberry or apple pie I am eating – I can’t even taste it to the fullest anymore. I forget about the precious comfort of my home, the joy of sharing, the sheer fact of what it took to make such a delicious piece of pie I have the privilege to enjoy eating. I totally forget about the gratitude that I am actually being able to enjoy this experience. Gone is the full experience presented to me by life, right here, right now.

All that abundance is being consumed by irritation, by resistance to move beyond. And it outcome of my choice – it’s a simple human choice. I can reset my mind with a breath or two, remind myself of what truly matters to me in that very moment and just be with that. Moment to moment. Being perfectly content.

Also, I often forget and underestimate the power of projection. Do you have any ideas how powerful your thoughts are? So much so they have the potency to add to the struggles of others by strengthening their shackles, with the power of your mighty thoughts, hence prolonging their current status quo. Close relationships can be incredibly powerful opportunities to help us transform and us helping the other to transform by noticing such nuances. When in a relationship we all carry the responsibility to ourselves and the other not to perpetuate the endless circle of samsara – suffering.

We all manifest our own realities – moment to moment we continue feeding and reinforcing our life situation by actively painting the seeds of next growth.

We all know the saying: ‘the more you resist, the more it persists.’ The intensity of my resistance defines where I am in life – the more I resist, the more challenging are my life experiences. Things get harder. The stronger I am as a personality, the more intense is the experience – for me and everyone around me. Until it snaps, it breaks, people fight, they split, life becomes a mess, leading to one big drama.

When you see someone being grumpy and jumpy and that starts to irritate you, you internally start forming a thought pattern about that person – a picture that paints them. If that’s a very close person, you share a bond, a connection.

Even when you don’t say a word, every projected, silent, intangibly thought has an impact. Do not underestimate the power of your thought; your thoughts can be as real as your actions. They have the power to influence people around us and their behaviour.

Thanks to your contribution, the grumpiness and jumpiness of the other can become a notch stronger and the possibility of the other person to come out of their misery just a bit harder.

If this resonates, and if it feeds into your reality – it could be that a part of you enjoys seeing other people being grumpy and jumpy. Be mindful to notice your deepest intentions; inquire into your actions. Notice if someone else is doing that to you, be the one stops this endless wheel of unnecessary suffering.   

Having all these insights, what does that make you feel like?

It makes me feel responsible for every thought that I give space to arise and grow in my mind. Not just my words or my action, which are the tip of the iceberg. The real stuff is hidden beneath.

When I became so obsessed by being irritated by the action of others, I lose touch with myself. Gone is my awareness – I’m totally into someone else. It also indicates how much I resist the change and how stuck I am in my own little ways. 

I have to ask myself another questions. Do I really want that kind of reality for myself? What am I like? Does my resistance to change help my general wellbeing? Is there a different way? I have a choice. Oh, the glorious freedom of choice that was given to us all, human beings.

Free will – but only when I become aware. How much, how often, and how long do I remain aware before I slip and snap again? I know I will slip & snap – until you no longer will. It’s like any other skill – the more we practice, the more skilled we become. It applies to every single action – baking cookies, painting, playing music, gardening, cleaning, designing, engineering, programming, or being aware.

My dear one, I truly wish you all the best in your life, because you deserve a beautiful life. It’s time to start imagining that and slowly bringing it into existence. My dear, only you have the power to do so. Don’t allow to get consumed and sucked into thinking “others” are the cause of your irritation. They are simply there to mirror your own perfect imperfections. They are actually doing you a favor, by helping you to recognize those imperfection, so you can work on it, let go, and get over. Life is much bigger and so much more magnificent than the narrow focus that might have temporarily consumed our attention. You have the tools, use them well and good luck, much love to you! Sharing is caring, there’s no shame in facing challenges in life. We’ve all been there, this way or another.

When you genuinely recognize and share your struggles, you invite the help that is needed to heal those struggles. You become open to receiving the many gifts this universe has to offer. So many gifts hanging out there, like ripe fruit, waiting to find their place. Isn’t that a nice thought?

Always remember, the power to resolving any issues is within you, always within your reach. Other people can show you the way, nudge you to walk towards a certain direction – but they cannot walk instead of you. Stay brave, you already are – you have made the first step by recognizing and asking the QUESTion. Stay persistent, keep up with it – one step at a time. Keep on walking and stay present. May the answers you derive at guide you towards you inner resolution. I wish you good luck!  

Nip it in the Bud

Girl in the Garden

Nip it in the bud. What?

Yep, that’s the best way that works for me. Finding the root cause of peace disturbing occurrences in my life and nipping them in the bud before they blossom, develop more seeds and multiply like rampant dandelions.

What am I talking about? 

Most of our experiences and learnings happen through relationships. The closer we get to someone, the more intense is the experience.

In life, we attract people we have either most in common or least in common with. They represent the mirror of either who we are or who we desire to be.

They portray our most accurate and current version of our own self – they are an indicator of how we see and perceive ourself. That perception might be accurate or totally distorted due to our own imbalances and misperceptions. It depends how we are able to perceive ourself and the world around us. It’s like a mirror within a mirror.

For example, over the recent few days I was experiencing a saga around doubt, to be more specific – fear of manipulation which leads to issues around trust. I got totally sucked in; my ability to think clearly became compromised as I began spiraling down the rabbit hole.

What was that all about and how did I manifest it?

I had to face some of my fundamental fears around my own insecurities. I got so distracted that I forgot who I truly am and what life is all about. Drama became more important than the simple fundamental truth of what really matters. Drama, that took away my clarity & peace of mind & ability to love and accept love. What a high price to pay. Any sort of drama we fall into is a life sucker that deprives us of the happiness we deserve – it’s not worth the premium it demands.

Sure, dramas are going to unfold as long as I have unresolved issues, which often stem from my childhood. However, life itself always encourages me to progress, go beyond issues that cause limitations, obstacles, preventing me to be tune with my true self, with the flow. To live according to my fullest potential and be the blessing to myself and those around me.

When challenging events occur, it’s entirely depending on me how long I choose to marinate in the drama. No matter how silly, trivial, or unsubstantiated that story may appear to be in that moment.

The question is; will I be feeding the hungry ghosts or will I pause, realize what is going on, shed some light to the matter, pull out its roots, bring it to the surface and face it. Not running and hiding away, but sharing it with my friend or partner who is able to hold the space by being present while not getting personal about my story.

How? Simply, by listening, witnessing all that is occurring for me in that moment, without judgement. Not analyzing, trying to interfere, or coming up with solutions. Just pure presence, being 100% there – for us. I came to realize that’s what trust means for me. Showing my vulnerability, being able to open myself to people in my life who I love, trust, who love me and accept me the way I am and know me for who I am. And vice versa.

When such response treatment occurs, the hungry ghosts don’t get fed and become more feeble. They start losing their stronghold and even if the saga happens again, its potency to pull us down is less. To the extent, when you no longer require a witness. You become your own witness and you are able to nip it in the bud, before it blooms out and starts spreading its seeds, multiplying, turning into uncontrollable weeds.

One piece of advice based on my experience. Try not to get too bogged down in your daily life – don’t work too hard, to the point when you exhaust yourself. Learn to negotiate your terms, recognize your limits before you reach your tipping point. Less is often more! Get enough sleep, healthy exercise, nourish your body with quality food, create moments of stillness where you can fully relax. It all adds up to the equation and leads to your ability of maintaining the required levels of presence/awareness, so you can operate in this world and not lose yourself while doing so. Do not compromise your base state of awareness with events that cause disturbance to your inner peace. Your inner peace is your most accurate compass. Choose everything in life that supports that peace: your work, activities, required resources, security, relationships, environment, people, home. We live and we learn, we’re all unique and only you will know what works for you and what doesn’t!

It’s funny how this writing became distilled into only a few paras, whereas, when I started pondering, brewing, and writing about this topic, it had pages upon pages of thoughts, stories, analysis. Quite unnecessary, really.

I can see how it all comes down to the level of my own clarity. Clarity sheds light to matter, any matter in life, hence the importance of maintaining a crystal-clear mind.

All the multiple pages that led to this final version can now be dropped. I was able to recognize the patterns as they manifest in my life story. I am able to grasp the gist of the story.

Simplicity is at the core of each matter. Simply stop beating around the bush, try your best to see things as they are, jump in and be willing to dive through the unpleasant experience. Ask for help if needed! It may feel awkward, unpleasant, and intense at times. That’s ok, it’s over very quickly though; impurities burn away and you suddenly realize that you have achieved another milestone in your journey towards a more beautiful, lighter and happier version of you.

What else is more important in life than your own inner peace while being able to fully share your life with people you love and who love you!?!


Add on, 2nd June 2022

It’s a delicate act,
this business of nipping.
There are buds and there’s the buds,
so you better polish your faculty of sniffing
before you get the hang of snipping…

With wisdom of recognition, you realize
some buds are meant to come to fruition;
It matters that they achieve completion.

So, good luck, my fellow nippers.
Have fun and make sure to sharpen your snippers!