I have attempted to write a piece on self-acceptance half a dozen time by now. It didn’t feel quite right, so I couldn’t share. Today is the day when I feel the time is right.
What do I mean by acceptance?
The acceptance of the physical form each of us has been born with. Our physical form that enables your soul, my soul to express itself in this world – through our bodies – our vehicles – our vessels – our temples. I’m talking about acceptance of my tangible, physical form, my precious body.
Perhaps this has been one of my toughest challenges I had to go through in life thus far. Acceptance of my physical form, the way I appear to be, the way I look – the transitory vanity, yet an important aspect of our soulful expression in this world.
When we’re born, the soul incarnates.
In+carnates – ‘carneus’ – Latin word for ‘of the body, flesh’.
Each individual soul enters the body, infuses the physical form with life, with a very unique essence, one of a kind.
I can’t see any other logical or illogical way to explain my understanding of this mystical union between the spirit and matter.
When it’s time for the soul to depart, the heart beats its final beat. The soul and the body part once again. The body goes to dust, back to mother Earth who extended its own material form to give us the structure when we began this journey. On the other hand, the soul is free to float again, to linger in timeless, spaceless soup as long as that is required. Unless the soul has become completely liberated, ready to fuse back with the source. If that is not the case, the soul prepares to join the queue and start the earthly journey all over again.
Human beings – we are all spiritual beings who have been given or have chosen this transformative opportunity of experiencing life through the physical form in this wondrous realm.
It has often been said, that we are spiritual beings with physical experience and not just physical beings merely having a spiritual experience. If that was not true, it would be the body the precedes the soul, and not vice versa. Seems like a fact even logic can’t deny. Though, feel free to challenge my thought, I welcome it, because nothing is set in stone!
Why do some of us struggle in our form so much that we put ourselves through experiences that are detrimental to our body & soul, not allowing the soul to express itself freely, to the fullest? Why do we put up so much resistance and fight? What is the root cause of such an attitude devoid of an altitude worthy of every glorious soul?
Could it be that deep inside we haven’t fully let go of the previous life experience when the soul left the body to return to the ‘soup state’? Before assuming a new one? Not accepting the outcome of all our actions that have led us to another Groundhog Day, where we get one more chance to rectify all we have done and haven’t done accordingly to how things should have been done to achieve a perfect balance and harmony? Body, soul, and mind?
My resistance in this life was so deep and strong that I manifested a life where I was told from an early, most imprint-able age that I was ugly, slow, dumb, and weird. The mantra slipped so deep under my skin that it became my reality, although it was not. It was all happening in my mind.
I was always a very skinny, lean child – however my self-perception got distorted. As I became a teenager, every time I looked myself into the mirror, I would see myself being too large – even though that was not the fact.
When someone took a picture of me all I would see was an image of an unattractive face that I deeply disliked. When I look at those pictures today, all I can see is an innocent, beautiful looking child with glowing eyes.
Such false self-perceptions, reinforced with reoccurring, not-supportive parenting methods in upbringing can lead to various eating disorders that have a potential to disrupt the balance body, mind balance, it can mess up essential digestive fires, and interfere with the will to live. I have experienced this first hand. Due to my self-destructive behavior, I nearly drove myself over the edge. I was lucky & graced to have found a way out. It probably took a setback of around 12 years of my life when it comes to my career, relationship, peace of mind, general stability and balance in life. What a price to pay, nevertheless, it all fell into place at the end.
My stomach & digestive system was out of synch; my body cells were so inflamed that it took 10 years of intense healing to restore it to its original state of homeostasis. State of balance, harmony, and peace was not there. I was saved by the grace and grace alone. If it wasn’t for my dearest friend, his kind and generous heart, I would not be where I am right now.
What have I learned? I have learned about the enormous power that external projection has on forming our self-perception – the way we see ourselves and our bodies and what an important part it plays in the upbringings of every single precious child. The impact it has throughout our entire life if perceptions remain distorted, hidden in the subconscious, and unhealed. Our reality becomes twisted and it can take years to undo the damage.
Food plays an incredibly important role in our life; it sustains us, nourishes our bodies, provides all the nutrients required for us to function. The balance is very delicate, yet incredibly crucial for the journey of the soul.
Will the soul be able to shine through or will we get lost in struggles and shadows of self-destruction, resistance, various food related obsessions, issues with visual appearances, and false perceptions?
Quick reality check: Ask yourself a question: “What is your relationship to food?”
How much time in my life have I already managed to hijack from myself – from my soul’s full expression? Do I still want to continue doing so, or is it time to resolve and let the soul shine through?
I know that only by welcoming myself fully, accepting the full length of how my life has unfolded can set me free. Accepting the way I look, how I sound, the way I move, my thoughts, how other perceive me; accepting myself physically, fully, 100%.
No external opinion about my appearance, no remark, no comment anyone makes can shake me anymore. Even when those comment come from the people closest to me in my life. I understand that whatever somebody says has nothing to do with me and everything to do with themselves – their proclivities, projections, part of their healing process. All I can do is listen and stay consciously aware.
This can only happen because I have fully healed that aspect of once my wounded self. If I get triggered and react it would simply mean I have some more work to do on that front – some more outstanding healing.
I also accept the fact that whatever has happened to me in the past was for a reason. It’s what we make out of it that crates a difference and that mostly depends on our level of awareness at any given point in life.
When I was a child, I didn’t have much awareness, hence I was easily manipulated in thinking whatever anyone else had thought of me. It took many years to figure out who I was and get rid of all the projections my brothers, parents, school, society, etc., has imprinted upon me. I had my weak spots. At some point in life, every weakness has the potential to turn into the source of our greatest strength. That depends entirely on me in my case or you in your case.
Today, food is my source of strength, health, creativity, and inspiration. I have developed a deep appreciation and respect for what sustains me in life – what keeps my cells alive, gives me power, and adds clarity to how I think, what I do, what I’m able to share, and how I am able to express myself in this world. Thank you, life, for all the teachings, for all the abundance I am able to receive, for all the blessings showered upon me and us all. Thank you, life. May all be free.