Seeking Attention and the Art of Deception

The mask, face split in two.

Many of us were ‘encouraged’ to discover and engage in the act of most innocent deception of attracting much needed attention before we even became aware of what we were doing.

When you are a baby, you need attention, you need love, and recognition – you have the urge to know that you exist, that you’re real – which is all good, it’s part of an essential and healthy ego development. If the attention is not automatically given by our parents when we need it, for as long as we need it, we have no choice but to discover how to attract attention. That’s how we begin learning to manipulate energies and people around us. The story begins with a very special and simple kind of sound called ‘crying’.  

For example, if you did not receive the attention needed from your mother when you were an infant, you had to figure out how to get her attention and eventually you discovered that making noise, i.e., crying, ruffles the feathers and achieves the intention.

Surely, that can be very confusing for parents – there is crying and there is crying. One is real (pain, discomfort, hunger), the other is also real, but intentional – there’s a subtle nuance that reveals the truth and only mothers who are very much connected and in tune with their babes will know exactly which cry is which. But not all mothers have the privilege or that kind of awareness. (Please note, there is no judgement, blame, or shame intended. Thigs are the way they are and everything is a subject of change.

This is how manipulation became part of our identity, how it initially helped us attract attention and develop our personality. If you’re interested in this topic, tune into the interview about the importance of vegal theory and the co-regulation when mothering a child, which helps the child to learn about very important act of self-regulation. Knowing how to self-regulate gives a shared feeling of support and helps the child to develop the required neuroplasticity, i.e., the boldness, the strength required to courageously venture out to the world. (‘Trauma and the Nervous System’: Gabor Mate and Stephen Porges – see link below; Time stamp 33:30 – 36:05).

Nearly every mammalian child has 100% access to their mother for as long as they need her – apart from humans. Not that long ago – in hunter gathering societies – infants used to be attached to their mother for as long as they required their presence. Any other way seemed unnatural. Yet, when you look at our modern society, it is clear that infants and babies lack full access to their mother or father (mothering instinct occurs in both genders). Hence, most babies or children are literally ‘encouraged’ to find all sorts of ways of getting the much-needed attention.

Do they get it or not is a different story. Was it successful and fulfilling, or not? If unsuccessful, what kind of traumatic experiences did that leave in their psyche? What are the consequences?

It depends from one person to another, but the good news is, co-regulation happens in every stage of our life, hence we subconsciously seek intimate connection to other mammalians that help us self-regulate (well, that’s one of many reasons).  Co-regulation happens when we are intimately connected to another mammalian – be it our partner, friend, or a pet.    

Looking at the state of our society, the level of disconnect between people – many of us can not give up the need for attention, because it was never fully satisfied and we’re still trying to compensate for something that was never fulfilled. Hence, we crave and seek attention; we come up with all sorts of ways to attract other mammals – just like flowers attract insects to pollinate them and ensure their succession.

Think about the phenomena of social media – it seems to me, it was a natural consequence to develop a system that enables any kind of human interaction – however, I think it gives a false impression of receiving attention we deeply need. The number of likes and followers may boost our ego, but I’m not sure it satisfies what we truly seek. It’s important to be aware of it – else you can get lost – the path can easily lead you towards developing a new addiction.

We are human beings, we are fragile, yet incredibly resilient. We need attention, we need love, we need to be recognized for who we are. We also have a need to give attention, love, recognition to others. As long as you don’t build some fake identity of yourself, as long as you remain authentic, content with who you really are, you will be fine. Even if you end up having a million followers on your social media account or just a few. It’s all the same. Because you know yourself, and nothing, and no-one can ever change that.

Stay alert though. Be careful you don’t start bluffing, pretending to be something or someone you’re not, just because you think you will gain more traction and attention – you can slowly and surely get lost and drift away. That’s another well-known trap and the deeper you get into it, the harder it is to get out, which can turn into yet another level of misery. Here, I’m happy to share my mantra with you; you can trust me, it works: ‘Know yourself, be yourself, love yourself.’

Before I end, I invite you to try something out. Next time you receive attention, accept it with gratitude, don’t take it for granted – respond gracefully – pay it forward wholeheartedly! When someone talks to you, listen to them attentively, being fully present. This includes humans and mammals. Only with the attitude and intention that comes from your heart, can the much-needed healing of this deeply rooted, multigenerational issue, that humanity is currently facing, begin. Every intention counts.

I wish you all a beautiful and blessed day!

Victimhood of Sadness

Alice walking through a tunnel

I want to focus my attention towards a particular emotional downfall I experience when I get triggered.

Seeing it eye to eye, just a few days ago, I came to realize that sadness is just another addiction. Certain emotions carry the potency of throwing us off balance and pulling us down. This happens to me when I feel sad, angry, afraid, worrisome, disappointed, insecure, etc.

I realized that the outcome I experience is a simple, straightforward consequence of a childhood unresolved trauma. I was 10 years old, my father – the key person in our family had passed away suddenly. The little me had created a story in her mind of being left behind, not loved, abandoned, nobody there to take care of her anymore – during that time I experienced and absorbed a lot of sadness and disappointment.

These were the two emotions that became prevalent in my life. I have developed a part of my identity – the sad, disappointed me, that often but secretly dominated over other emotions. This means that a part of my personality had to be continuously fed to keep on existing – which nicely led to the convoluted craziness of perpetual viscous circle of victimhood of sadness.

Throughout life I would often recreate scenarios to feed that part of my identity over and over again – this became a part of my reality.

Recently I have experience one of my self-mastered scenarios and I have finally gained insight into what was going on. In this particular instance, I was lucky to have been caught by my friend, who has a razor-sharp insight and who was able to penetrate through my unconscious self and blast out the dark chamber with the much-required light.

At the end of this drama, I realized that it was me who manifested the whole situation. I subconsciously invited the other person to play the role necessary for me to react exactly the way that had the potency to trigger my emotion of sadness. Here’s what has happened.

It was a lovely summer afternoon, we were sitting around the table, having a pleasant conversation over a dinner. All of a sudden, I went completely off tangent, babbling about whatever I started babbling about, which appeared as if I was in conversation with myself. My ‘co-speaker’ did no longer feel icluded and he didn’t feel like entertaining my solo stage diva performance. He called out the change of my behavior, stopped listening to me and I felt cut off. Suddenly, I fell into sadness that I wasn’t able to explain in that very moment.

My first reaction: “he doesn’t love & respect me” and I became deeply saddened with tears clogging my eyes, feeling as if someone started choking my throat. My connection with another human being abruptly came to an end.

I reacted and derived a false conclusion that my friend did not pay attention to what I was talking about because he doesn’t love and respect me. All that only to support my fake little paradigm.

If you have ever studied Patanjali Yoga Sutras you will remember that the author refers to the fluctuations of the mind as Vrittis. For me, the second sutra is one of the most important sutras in the whole book. It goes like this: ‘Yoga citta vritti nirodha‘. Yoga is the union of the mind and the discipline needed to achieve the unification, citta is the mind, vritti refers to a way of existing (mind modification), and nirodha means removal; inhibition; stoppage; suppression or restraint.

Putting it all together: “Yoga is the removal of the modifications of the mind – or removal of certain ways of existing – the ways that no longer serve us.” Please note, I have only provided the most basic interpretation of the second sutra – for a more in depth study and understanding, I would suggest you refer directly to Patanjali Yoga Sutras by I.K. Taimni.

I am very lucky and grateful. When something like this happens in my daily life, I have the inexplicable and urgent need to look deep inside the bothersome matter. I cannot go on without resolving the issues. My yoga is to consciously walk towards attaining unification of the mind, which means following the required discipline and practice that lead me towards that unification (also called sadhana).

In this particular case, I stepped aside and I took a few minutes after the event took place. I sat down, gathered my thoughts, required clarity and started jotting down what has just occurred and what I have experienced. I am only able to do this kind of deep work thanks to years of practicing Kriya Yoga. I’m sure there must be other ways for one to achieve similar realizations and resolutions, but Kriya Yoga is the path I have chosen to follow, a technique that works for me.

Going back to my story. I believe communication to be the paramount of a sustainable relationship – you have to learn to communicate if you want to cultivate a healthy relationship. You can’t just pile up unresolved issues and push them under the carpet, expecting everything will be ok and carry on as if nothing ever happened. It never works, it will erode and destroy your relationship and push you further apart. It’s not worth it – so, whenever something similar occurs to you and you have the opportunity to look into it, I highly recommend you put in some effort and find out what’s really going on – for you. For your own good. I assure you, it will make a huge difference in living your life more fully, lovingly, and freely.

At the end of my drama, I realized that all along I was unconsciously playing a very familiar game. I was using the ‘don’t love & don’t respect me trump card’ as a bait for the ego to help me spiral down the habituated part of identity I assumed as a child – sadness, withdrawal, closing down. The whole situation had absolutely nothing to do with what was occurring here & now or with the lack of love & respect my friend has for me.

Which makes me wonder. How many other similar situations have I orchestrated in life and how often, only to have thrown myself off center – depriving myself of here & now of living my full potential. How unnecessary is that – the obvious act of self-sabotage… All good, I will apply myself better going forward.

I hope that sharing my story provides an insight for you to recognize some of the blind spots most of us are struggling with. I hope you will be able to catch yourself or someone else before you/they start spiraling down the rabbit hole, while at the same time you will gain clarity to stop the game of using or falling for the ‘lack of love & respect’ scape goat to feed the hungry ghosts or vrttis.

Our beautiful minds can get very flexible and we have endless amount of creativity to produce oodles of ‘baloneys’ with our convoluted stories, just to keep the habituated victimhood roles & dramas alive and going. Once you realize that and acknowledge the fact that you don’t have to play that role again, because it’s not who you truly are, you can choose a different, more authentic way of your truer self-expression.

I also realized the love and respect I have for myself is not yet 100% – hence the projection towards someone who is close to me about their lack of love & respect towards me. Even though my projection is completely unsubstantiated. Another nugget to work through… all in its due time.

I strive to remain truthful to myself, because only truth liberates. It adds stability to my way of being, thus I face less and less reactions, self-imposed restrictions, and unnecessary drawbacks. Life can be good anf life is good.

As the guide on my side points out (with a bit of a twist of my own): “Work it out before it acts you out. Catch it early – nip it in the bud.”

The original quote goes like this: “Work it out, before you act it out”. You may want to check out more on the Private Work Self Coaching platform – it’s a useful resource, full of guided activities, designed towards generating much needed awareness and cultivating beautiful streams of insightfulness.


We All Struggle – Until we Don’t

Mother and a child

My every day can start off bright and shiny, but there’s no guarantee my experience will continue being the same through my day. As day goes by, there are so many different occurrences that can impact my moods, emotions, thoughts, my level of energy.

For example, I’m not that great in prolonged exposures in crowdy places. I can manage, for a while, but it takes a toll. My comfort zone is being around a hand-full of people in bright, open spaces, where nature dominates the place. I know my limits; I have not yet grown up to a more challenging environment without taking a hit and that’s ok. I know that I’m exactly where I am supposed to be, and that’s true for every single day in my life.  

For example, a few days ago I was traveling from Costa Rica to California. Everything was fine up to the point when I had to join the endless spiraling queue with hundreds of other people waiting to get through the US immigration process that IMO is no longer fit for the 21st century. Many fellow passengers were anxious, not knowing if they will ever manage to catch their connecting flight. It was 1pm, my flight was scheduled to leave at 4:10pm. I was ok to start with, I was mainly being by myself, listening to Osho’s discourses – The Divine Melody – reminding me of the essence of life.

At the same time, I started noticing the energy around, which was quite turbulent. The watch was showing 3:20pm when I got to the immigration officer who seemed not to care very much.

As soon as I was done, I rushed off trying to find Terminal 6, which couldn’t be placed at the very end of all the terminals. Luckily my friend I was travelling with managed to check in my luggage. It was 3:45pm and I really didn’t want to miss the flight and get stuck in the LA. Later on I figured out there are plenty of planes flying out to where we were going, so it wouldn’t be that much of a problem. However, being stressed out, in the thick of the rush, I couldn’t see or think clear.

When I was about to join another security scanning queue, I noticed there was quite a strong-willed man next to me, who was intending to do the same thing, at the same time as me, only that I was faster. That seemed to have triggered something inside him; he had a strong reaction and that irritated him tremendously.

All that was on my mind was, ‘please God, help me catch this flight’, whereas he lashed fiercely at me and was deeply insulted for me pulling ahead of him. I apologized, said: “I’m really sorry, but I just need to catch my 4pm flight, I really didn’t want to upset you.” I told him: “please go ahead of me,” but he did not accept, he carried on with his energy attack, which by that moment had already reached its destination – ‘me’. He insisted that I go ahead of him, that his flight was only at 7pm and its ok, with a ‘not ok’ expression on his face. I didn’t want any more confrontations so I went ahead. At the same time, I could feel the irreversible damage – well, at least irreversible for the next 1h before I was able to recover and come back to my senses. I tried to get in touch with Joe, who was already on the plane. I wanted to let him know that I’m on the way – however, my phone connection failed, I couldn’t get through, which added to my anxiety.

With a bit of help I reached my destination; I paused at the counter where I had to show my boarding ticket and I took several deep breaths to relax before I moved on. The hostess looked at me and said it’s ok, you made it on time.

I managed to get on the plane at 4:03pm, just on time for departure. Nevertheless, my heart beat went up sky high, along with my cortisol and stress levels which depleted the final few ounces of my energy reserves.

I had to face a lot of emotions; all I could think of was: “I want to go home”. The thought I resort to when I need to feel safe, sheltered, and nourished. In that moment I felt like a vulnerable child, exposed to very intense emotions that shook me up.

I realized it was my childhood trauma that reemerged to the surface. It all goes back to my first airport experience, which was quite traumatic. I was 15, going to Canada for 3 months over my summer school break. My mum and my oldest brother dropped me off at the Munich airport and left after checked in.

I was left on my own, it felt exciting, yet overwhelming. As soon as I stepped on the airplane the hostess checked my documents, passport, visa and she made a big deal about me traveling on my own – well rightly so. A child travelling on their own can easily cause suspicion, it’s something that should be taken seriously to ensure everything is ok. After all, I was only 15.

I was trying to explain that I had to leave all supporting documents and my mother’s consent letter at the ambassy when I applied for the visa – I had no documents on me that would demonstrate the proof she was asking for. She was insisting to see those documents, else I would have to leave the plane. The grueling went on; I was in almost in tears, trying to explain, to convince her that it’s ok, I am going to my aunt’s place who’ll be waiting for me at Toronto Pearson airport, that I am safe. I was also trying to explain my caretakers had already left and I’d be stranded at the airport, which could be worse.

There was so much fear and anxiety going on, tensing my body, shriveling me up in that moment. There were no mobile phones at that time. My mum and brother were on the way home, which meant I’d be stuck at Munich airport, with no one to call, I had no idea how to speak German at that time, I wouldn’t be able to spend my summer on Niagara on the Lake, meet my aunts, my cousins, see my other brother, and I had no ideas how to get back home.

I was in my fight and flight mode – totally shaken up, when by pure grace, somebody interfered. It must have been the captain who said it’s ok, you can go on and take a seat.

In tears, flooded by emotions of fear, sadness, shock, relief – I sat down. That first flight has painted my airport experience. It went so deeply, that I managed to manifest the repetition of various events that led to the similar emotional states several times since.

Situations such as the one above happens so we can be reminded of various blind spots we have to deal with, to heal, to look into, to reflect upon, and eventually come out clean on the other side. And then, another situation will occur to help us penetrate even deeper, to peel off all the layers of the onion that surround our true essence. The peeling off journey that takes us to a peaceful place where no matter what happens it no longer shakes us up.

Once you reach the core, there is no occurrence or situation in life that will throw you off balance. It’s easy to know when you get there, because you remain there permanently – unshaken, solid, like a rock that’s been sitting on the ocean shore for a millennium or more – despite the endless count of waves bashing into it, 24/7, 365 days a year, year on year, and so on. When you reach that point in life, you just know it, there is no second through, there is no doubt.

Until we get there, it’s important for people close to us to know what’s going on with us internally, so they don’t feel there’s something wrong, or that it’s their fault, or something they might have done. It’s important to share what’s really going on. This way we can avoid many unnecessary stories, dramas, and new obstacles.

Remember – each of us is dealing with our own struggles the very best we can, we just need a bit of support from time to time; a word of encouragement, a loving, kind, understanding heart, a touch of hand, a kiss, a hug, bit of love that has the power to uplift, to instill hope, to help us can carry on in life, so we don’t give up.  

Your kindness has an enormous power; never underestimate the impact your kind thoughts, words, and action can have.

A kind, loving, genuine look, word, gesture that comes from your heart has an incredibly strong ripple effect that reverberates across the universe and never gets unnoticed. Thank you for that! 

May all be well.


Learnings from Pain and Suffering

I am aware that we all have our own perception of our own unique experiences in our life. Stories I write come from my own unique experience, my own perception of life.

I wrote this piece on the 25th of March and for some reason I thought it was Mother’s Day. But it wasn’t – well – it was in a way, because for me, Mother’s Day is every day. So, I guess that’s ok.

My today’s thoughts and writing are about my mother and my father. I may have written about love, peace of mind, trust, and compassion. The uplifting states of being we all enjoy experiencing in life. But that doesn’t mean there’s no fear, pain, and suffering. In the world we live – the world of duality, it appears like one side does not exist without the other.

I have witnessed and experienced a fair share of both, pain and suffering, as well as peace and joy. As I write these stories I try to remain in the middle, and I try to understand the world inside and around me as the teeter totter sways. I try.

One thing I’m still hoping to understand is why so many people who have experienced a lot of pain and suffering continue paying it forward and allowing their pain and suffering to spread through them – onto others.

Perhaps some people still carry a whole lot of pain, and they’re simply trying to lighten up their own burden? Basically, by living, we share what you have – and if that represents a big part of what someone has, if that is what they are made of – than, that is what they are able to spread and share.

Have I just answered my question? In a way. Still, my curiosity is wanting to dig deeper.

I can clearly see a distinction between the actions of individuals who have brought their pain and suffering to their awareness and stopped the spread, and the reactions of those who still haven’t, yet are on the way.

Sometimes they simply haven’t had a chance to do so, life has not yet afforded them with enough space for self-reflection. Their lives were too busy, existential needs were more important. And eventually, pain and suffering trickled down so deep that even when they would have the required time and space, they could no longer see it, reach it. The deeper our pains and sufferings slip in, the harder it is to shake it up and bring it up to the surface, where we can face it. It takes a lot – sometimes an accident, a burnout, or a disease such as cancer or a stroke, paralysis, sometimes death itself. That’s a difficult way to go.

Even if someone else is able to see how much you struggle inside and wants to help you, while you still have a chance, no one can change your destiny. One can only fully accept you as you are, love you, stand by your side, nudge you, support you, show you the way, the door, hoping you will see that door and walk though. Yet, to walk you have to be ready and make a first step.

In this day and age there is a lot of suffering and pain. According to Vedic tradition, we live in Kali Yuga – the timespan of ca 5800 years where suffering, anger, aggression, and pain dominate the age; all that is accompanied by dulled down awareness.

Individuals, elites, families who rule the world during Kali Yuga represent what is often considered to be cruel, ruthless, greedy, and corrupt. I suppose it’s their time and they want to make the best of their party.

Luckily, everything has a beginning and an end – just like a sausage – vegan, vegetarian, or meat one – and we are coming to an end of this era, in a few hundred years – or so the Vedic scriptures say. However, right now, we are here and now, and that’s where we live.

During these times, there are a few who are able to see through ‘Kali’ veil of illusion. Some are here to shine bright and remind us of the light, some rebel, a few succeed, some are squashed. There are those who watch and do things inconspicuously, work on their self. Each of us, we are all an expression of the same self, all are important and as such, none should be compared.

Luckily, even during Kali Yuga, we can always choose our own allegiance. It can be lonely though, it’s not always easy to find a supporting community and people around you; still, one has to try.  

A few days ago, I had a chat with a friend from university times when I was still living in Slovenia. (I’ve been living abroad for over 20 years now.) Our conversation brought up a few interesting points. Particularly the realization about repression that often leads to pain and suffering. I have experienced that in my childhood, throughout my youth, even as a citizen of the country I was born in.

Environment we grow up in paints our reality, hence, it is important to put things into perspective and include the historical and cultural view – among many others. For example, Slovenia, the country I grew up in, is a small nation of 2 million people that have always been repressed – ever since the Illyrian tribes settled down under the Alps. It started with the Roman Empire, continued with the Habsburg Monarchy, the Austro-Hungarian Empire, Yugoslavian federation. Until today when Slovenia is still ruled, this time by the EU.

Although the culture of the nation remains strong – the Slovenian language, unique to Slovenia only – is spoken by 2 million people in this world and has survived over millennia. So has the kindness, tenacity, and resilience of its people. I suppose having to go through hard times makes us grow a turtle shell that is hard to penetrate even if someone has been stomping all over you for a very long time.
Hehe, I had quite a reaction the other day – someone I met was showing me a video of him standing on the top of his pet giant tortoise, luring him with the carrot on a stick, making him move. I called him a brut and thought he was a bully. Eeek, that was a bit harsh of me.  No wonder I had a reaction, it reminded me of what it was like growing up while feeling my authenticity was being repressed.

In addition to the country where you grew up, if either of your parents have experienced being repressed when they were children, there’s a good chance you carry the legacy of repression, of some sort. Important to add, it’s not their fault, there’s no one to blame here. They simply inherited certain behaviour patterns from their parents and probably never had a chance to contemplate about it and get over it. Whereas I do, and that’s one of the reasons I started to write.

For example, my dad spent his first four years of his life in a Nazi labor camp. I can’t even imagine what that was like or what his mother, my grandmother was going through while having to nurse and take care of the little baby. Did she even have time to look after him? Was she living under constant fear? Did she have enough food, was she warm enough? What all she had to endure physically? What kind of emotional states was she going through day in day out? During those 4 long years…

Sadly, she passed away before I was born and I never had a chance to have this conversation. My father passed away when I was 10, so I couldn’t hear his story either. I have only felt their pain. Today, all I can hope is that their souls can rest in peace.  

Unfortunately, while my father was alive, his poor soul was as restless as a soul of a caged wild animal that never had a chance to experience freedom when freedom wanted and needed to be experienced.

Later on, he did experience freedom, however, that freedom was experienced out of resentment of having been repressed – not from the space of freedom. This wouldn’t be the case had he not experienced such restraints during his childhood. I think that extreme repressions in childhood leave deep scars, cause damage, and can change people forever. The wild animal within us can become very hostile.

We are all human beings, many of us still get triggered, and we all have different emotional reactions that may not be acceptable in certain situations in society we live in. Like, in school, or at work – if you are angry, you are not allowed to express your anger and range – well, unless you’re ok to deal with the consequences. Hence, it often happens that we don’t know how to deal with our own emotions – at least I never learned that in school. We tend to hide away what is really going on, we learn to put on a mask, a show, and we act. But even as such, at some point, masks are bound to fall off, because they are not strong enough to last and that’s when the ‘beast’ or the ‘hungry ghost’ comes out even more furious. Because it has been restrained.

This keeps on perpetuating and people can get more mad and confused – sometimes to the extent when they’re no longer able to control their emotions, tension, anger. Their anger can become so powerful that they develop the potency to change the air of the room they enter, making everybody shiver from fear. Most often this happens at home, behind the walls, where no one else can see and hear.

A lot of patience, love, and acceptance is needed to soothe the animal, to allow it to realize it’s safe to live, to be, so it can soften up. Life can become difficult under such circumstances if people don’t start recognizing, dealing with, and healing their emotional imbalances. For them and everyone around – the children, their mother, the whole family.

I have experienced a few moments of rage that made me tremble from fear. Of course, we also had great moments of joy and celebration, laughter, happiness, dance, and song. It wasn’t just tears and fear, it was everything, full roller-coaster ride, as I’m sure is the case with most families – to a different extent. Still – today – grown up as I am, I see how certain, particularly charged emotions carry the potency of hurting people when they’re still children. Anger & aggression cause damage and should not have a place in anyone’s home – in the ideal world. But that’s not the world we live in and sometimes we just have to learn how to deal with the consequences and reverse those negative impacts that might have happened while we were children. In order to heal and end this perpetual curse.

The wounds inflicted by horrors of war can last for decades. Second world war ended in 1945 – that is nearly 80 years ago. However, the pain and suffering inflicted upon people did not yet come to an end. And the history repeats. Just when the younger generations might have healed or began healing the wounds they inherited from their parent and grandparents, the bombing starts again.

I wonder, what is it with the rulers and leaders of Kali Yuga? Do they feast on pain and suffering of people on this earth? Is this how they derive their pleasure? To see others in perpetual pain and suffering? It appears as if they particularly like to target the Slavic womb – and have been doing so for ages. Or any other nation with a strong expression of their soul.

I suppose it must be quite irritating for the pleasure devouring, hungry souls when they don’t have something they so deeply and secretly crave for and desire. At the same time, they know very well that something so sacred is too far-fetched for them to acquire – due to consequences of their own past choices and deeds. So much so, they start resenting seeing that in others. They become destructive, wanting to possess, and harvest; even when they know it will be nothing but a fleeting, temporary fix and never theirs to possess. I remember seeing such tendencies in a few people in my life. Have you?

Back to my story…

Yet the power of the fierce soul continues shining through, it resists being taken over, and is rising all over again. Just like the sun; just like Phoenix rising from the ashes. Emerging more powerful, smarter, and stronger. It’s all a matter of time.

Thinking it was Mother’s Day I had to add a flavor of my father’s story. That’s because he was a child of his mother; but also because happiness of my mother very much depended on my father’s emotional state. So it was, and still is in many cases, particularly when it comes to – less or more – dysfunctional families.

My life has changed significantly since I was a child. Luckily, I’m in a much better place when I was when I left home.

My mum came over last year, to visit. She stayed with us; a bit over a month. At some point during her stay, she told me that I’m very lucky, because I live in a fairy tale. You see, even to this day, she still can’t fully understand that a household without tension, shouting, anger, fear, stress, resentments, where some people are being taken for granted, and taken advantage of, is NOT a fairy tale. It should be a normal way of living and being – in every home, in every household.

It took weeks before she could finally ease and experience the freedom of being. And then, it was time to return back to her own home. I’m glad, even if it happened for a day, or two, or three. I’m fortunate that we were able to offer her that space – for her to get a taste of peaceful, harmonious, and loving home. It was all worth it. In her heart she knows it is possible and once someone tastes that peace, their hearts begins to heal. I know for sure, that next time she comes over, she’ll be able to enjoy even more!

I love my mother very much, and I wish her well. Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers in this world, whenever that day is, but most importantly happy, loving & peaceful mother’s day every day!