I’d like to dive into the following set of ubiquitous questions that are pertinent to so many of us.
How do we come out of drama? Why does my mood get influenced by other people’s actions or reactions? Why do I get sad, angry, irritated? I try to stay composed, but when I see someone else close to me being grumpy it disturbs my peace… what to do in that moment?
The power of resolution is within you. What do I mean?
It’s the QUESTion that drives the resolution. It’s the question that defines your stance, current situation, and your future. The question is your guide.
To start with – instead of asking a question “How do WE” – the emphasis should always be on ME! How do I…? The power of resolution is concentrated inside yourself. The correct use of language is important. When I start disidentifying myself with we, I take away a great portion of my own strength.
Imagine you saying to yourself, and there’s only you, nobody else – now WE will eat this piece of scrumptious pie that is laid in front of US on the plate. We will drink the juice from this glass. WE cannot – only YOU can.
I can eat the blueberry pie, as slow or as fast as I wish, with my fingers, with a fork, or a spoon. I can even have it with ice-cream, as an appetizer, main dish or a desert. Breakfast, lunch or midnight snack. I can finish it off by licking the tips of my fingers if I wish so. The emphasis is on the experience of “I”.
It’s that simple.
A more precise question formation would be: How do I come out of drama. Now that’s a more accurate guide. Once you ask yourself that question, close your eyes and start tapping into your deeper layers of your mind.
What do I mean by drama? What does drama represent to me?
The answer is very personal to each of us, nobody else can provide that answer to you. We each have different backgrounds, level of tolerance, perception, awareness – each of us is bound to perceive life events and drama in a different way. What irritates me? If I remove that irritation from my life, what does that feel like? Where is this irritation coming from?
For example, my irritation gets triggered by me noticing someone smacking their lips when they eat, I start rolling my eyes, as soon as I hear that smacking sound. I say to myself: ‘It’s been so many years and it still gets to me? What is this craziness, obsession of me even noticing that sound? Why can’t I simply let go?’
The point here is not about me trying to change someone because their action irritates me, but by figuring out what is it with me that causes that reaction? Why can’t I get over it. So much so, that I begin being irritated by myself not being able to get over it. The drama takes the twist, becoming even more “drama rama”.
As I tangle myself in irritation, I lose my focus, my presence of what really matters. I become consumed by trivial matters in life and that is the price that I pay, being overshadowed by the mighty drama.
When I get irritated by something, it indicates my own inner resistance to what is occurring here and now. My resistance to get over the obstacle that prevents me to be fully present, to breath freely, to laugh, to love, to enjoy the moment.
Instead, all the beauty is gone – delicious blueberry or apple pie I am eating – I can’t even taste it to the fullest anymore. I forget about the precious comfort of my home, the joy of sharing, the sheer fact of what it took to make such a delicious piece of pie I have the privilege to enjoy eating. I totally forget about the gratitude that I am actually being able to enjoy this experience. Gone is the full experience presented to me by life, right here, right now.
All that abundance is being consumed by irritation, by resistance to move beyond. And it outcome of my choice – it’s a simple human choice. I can reset my mind with a breath or two, remind myself of what truly matters to me in that very moment and just be with that. Moment to moment. Being perfectly content.
Also, I often forget and underestimate the power of projection. Do you have any ideas how powerful your thoughts are? So much so they have the potency to add to the struggles of others by strengthening their shackles, with the power of your mighty thoughts, hence prolonging their current status quo. Close relationships can be incredibly powerful opportunities to help us transform and us helping the other to transform by noticing such nuances. When in a relationship we all carry the responsibility to ourselves and the other not to perpetuate the endless circle of samsara – suffering.
We all manifest our own realities – moment to moment we continue feeding and reinforcing our life situation by actively painting the seeds of next growth.
We all know the saying: ‘the more you resist, the more it persists.’ The intensity of my resistance defines where I am in life – the more I resist, the more challenging are my life experiences. Things get harder. The stronger I am as a personality, the more intense is the experience – for me and everyone around me. Until it snaps, it breaks, people fight, they split, life becomes a mess, leading to one big drama.
When you see someone being grumpy and jumpy and that starts to irritate you, you internally start forming a thought pattern about that person – a picture that paints them. If that’s a very close person, you share a bond, a connection.
Even when you don’t say a word, every projected, silent, intangibly thought has an impact. Do not underestimate the power of your thought; your thoughts can be as real as your actions. They have the power to influence people around us and their behaviour.
Thanks to your contribution, the grumpiness and jumpiness of the other can become a notch stronger and the possibility of the other person to come out of their misery just a bit harder.
If this resonates, and if it feeds into your reality – it could be that a part of you enjoys seeing other people being grumpy and jumpy. Be mindful to notice your deepest intentions; inquire into your actions. Notice if someone else is doing that to you, be the one stops this endless wheel of unnecessary suffering.
Having all these insights, what does that make you feel like?
It makes me feel responsible for every thought that I give space to arise and grow in my mind. Not just my words or my action, which are the tip of the iceberg. The real stuff is hidden beneath.
When I became so obsessed by being irritated by the action of others, I lose touch with myself. Gone is my awareness – I’m totally into someone else. It also indicates how much I resist the change and how stuck I am in my own little ways.
I have to ask myself another questions. Do I really want that kind of reality for myself? What am I like? Does my resistance to change help my general wellbeing? Is there a different way? I have a choice. Oh, the glorious freedom of choice that was given to us all, human beings.
Free will – but only when I become aware. How much, how often, and how long do I remain aware before I slip and snap again? I know I will slip & snap – until you no longer will. It’s like any other skill – the more we practice, the more skilled we become. It applies to every single action – baking cookies, painting, playing music, gardening, cleaning, designing, engineering, programming, or being aware.
My dear one, I truly wish you all the best in your life, because you deserve a beautiful life. It’s time to start imagining that and slowly bringing it into existence. My dear, only you have the power to do so. Don’t allow to get consumed and sucked into thinking “others” are the cause of your irritation. They are simply there to mirror your own perfect imperfections. They are actually doing you a favor, by helping you to recognize those imperfection, so you can work on it, let go, and get over. Life is much bigger and so much more magnificent than the narrow focus that might have temporarily consumed our attention. You have the tools, use them well and good luck, much love to you! Sharing is caring, there’s no shame in facing challenges in life. We’ve all been there, this way or another.
When you genuinely recognize and share your struggles, you invite the help that is needed to heal those struggles. You become open to receiving the many gifts this universe has to offer. So many gifts hanging out there, like ripe fruit, waiting to find their place. Isn’t that a nice thought?
Always remember, the power to resolving any issues is within you, always within your reach. Other people can show you the way, nudge you to walk towards a certain direction – but they cannot walk instead of you. Stay brave, you already are – you have made the first step by recognizing and asking the QUESTion. Stay persistent, keep up with it – one step at a time. Keep on walking and stay present. May the answers you derive at guide you towards you inner resolution. I wish you good luck!