In the Midst of the Night

Mermaid, ship and a dragon in the ocean

There are moments in life when we get stuck,
feeling stranded, depressed, emotionally distressed
with no sight of the Rock to wash upon.

There are moments when we get lost

among the sand dunes
as the scorching sun blazes from the sky.
It’s a no man’s land
with eternally burning sand
that sucks life out,
leaving it high and dry.

There’s no sight of oasis
in those bleak moments of seeking truth,
and while praying to Goddess or God,
we forget about connecting to our higher self.

A different aspect of reality,
Buddha calls it Dukkha.
Many call it misery, sorrow, or suffering.

It’s the place most people fear to face.
We’d rather ignore it or avoid it.
We tune out by choosing
Netflix, ice cream, or a bottle of vine to feel numb—
roll a joint, force ourselves to sleep with a tranquilizer of some kind,
succumb to temptation,
or conjure up a new type of distraction.

Sometimes, it’s ok when it’s too much to tackle all of a sudden,
but there comes a time
when we have no choice but to confront our own face.

Dark moments come – it’s ok.
Let them come.
Let them sway you away,
pull you into darkness.
Let go, slide down, hit the rock bottom.

Feel it, breath it, become it,
let it rip you apart, shred you to pieces,
devour you, until nothing is left.
Until nothing is left of your frightened self.

So, let go, stop resisting, go with that flow.
Look into your black hole – what do you see?

What do you feel?
What are you avoiding,
not willing to confront?
Is it the change you’re resisting,
pushing yourself further away?

What would it take to face your own fears,
your demons, your shadows, your hungry monsters
fully present on your own?

How about this time, you choose to dive into darkness
without a slightest idea when you will see the light of another day.
Deep into the rabbit-hole, willingly choosing to leap in,
to dive deep.

Going to places where the world appears bleak, desolate, cold and hostile,
you stop and wonder: What have I done to deserve all this—
the agony, complete absence of peace and sanity?

Deep into the blue, I choose to dive
as I watch the mermaids swimming by my side,
luring me deeper into the deepest,
darkness of the deep blue.

A place of no return?
I sense death,
I welcome the end,
I fear not,
I don’t mind.
It’s simple to bow down and bend.

Fool yourself not
by falling for the ingenious plots of your pitiful mind.
Forget not!
There is no end, no death, no escape,
not this sort of “cutting it short”.
Fool yourself not, I dare say.
Snap out, stay with me, do not drift away!

Eyesight splinters
as I receive the insight:
When you blindly follow your desires,
thinking there are no consequences to your thoughts,
your words, your actions – think twice
In that very moment,
you have already began charting the course of your next direction.

To balance the equation and for the universe to maintain in perfect harmony,
everything—every thought, word, or action—has a counter-reflection,
if you want it or not. 
That is not a choice or a question open for discussion.
You reap what you sow.
There is no escape from this perfect mathematical equation.

However, there is a shortcut called vairagya1.
It requires active renunciation.
It means no more chasing after or creating new desires.
It demands arduous discipline,
your fullest attention,
and living according to the principles of yoga,
abstinence, service to others.
There’s no room for projections or reactions.
You are no longer the center of rotation.
More and more, you focus on the world around you
through the eyes of the Creator, Brahma, God, the Force.

Your daily life goes on unaffected.
Your thoughts, habits, behaviors, attitudes – they change.
The real transformation happens from within.
There’s no way to fake it.

There’s no need to feed your ego anymore.
Having to feel good about yourself is gone.
Continuously seeking recognition for your deeds, your acts,
needing to make a “difference” in this world – that game is done.
This includes my poem – it all comes, it all goes.

I let what comes come, I let what goes go, I observe what remains.
I am who I am. Thank you, baba Ramana.

Gate gate pāragate pārasagate bodhi svāhā
Gone, gone, gone beyond, gone all together beyond, oh what an awakening. All hail!

You are nothing, no thing anymore.
You give yourself up to the force that sustains You
and every other living form.
You are no more.
You are no less.
You are NOT in the form of God,
God IS in the form of YOU.

Contemplate upon this thought.
Find out where you are on your path.
Realize your own truth.

I’m ready to walk.
May the new leg of this journey begin.

Om Namo Guru Dev Namo 
(I bow to the infinite teacher within
and open myself to the infinite source of wisdom
and creativity within me)

1. Vairāgya (वैराग्य): a Sanskrit term used in Hindu as well as Jain philosophy that translates as non-attachment, desirelessness, dispassion, without attraction or aversion.

Leave a Reply