Category: Year 2022

Dependence vs Independence

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Freedom loving, mighty tree

What does it mean to be independent and what is the value of dependence? Independence gives the ability to make certain choices. It means one is fee from outside control, not depending on another’s authority, livelihood, or support. To what extent though? What about being independent from certain habits and the influence of your mind – particularly when it no longer serves you well? Independence is also comparative; it depends what we are comparing our current state of being to? I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I’m not sure there is a state of being totally independent. It would imply that we live in isolation from everything and everyone else– no ecosystem, no food, no sleep, no air. It means we no longer exist.

Every organism in nature depends on few other organisms and their ecosystem to survive and thrive. Our bodies depend on the food provided by nature. The food we eat is brought to our plates, thanks to the effort of multiple processes and hands. We depend on the air that We breath, the oxygen generated by trees and marine plants in the ocean. We need clean drinking water to survive, and a peace of mind to sharpen our senses, so we can properly function in our daily lives. If it wasn’t for millions of tinny organisms living in our bodies, depending on each other and our composed mind We would not be alive.

When you depend on somebody in your life, when your dependence is reciprocated, you are also giving each other the opportunity to be dependable, so you can deepen your trust and improve the quality of your relationship.

On the other hand, what happens when one becomes obsessed with the badge of independence – is there something you are trying to prove to others in your life and if so – what is it and why? What is your opportunity cost and what do you gain if you continue this game?

Every experience in life comes to an end, but the source of the one who is experiencing all this can never be taken away. That which can never end, simply returns back to the source, until it is needed again. As many times as necessary until you finally realize you have always been here. It was all just a dream of the dreamer who dreams it all. Until the moment you wake up and see it for what it is – a dream and you are the creator.

Being humble, being grateful for being alive, here and now, for having been gifted this unique opportunity to play with your beloved ones, to express yourself, to learn how to flow like a river. To know that You are held by Earth’s gravity, no matter what. 

To be able to step outside your comfort zone that limits your full potential. Inching out, bit by bit, until you leave what serves you no more behind. Self-imposed limitations, ignorance, criticism, arrogance, resentments, sadness, fear of the unknown. 

Until you finally get a sense of real freedom, realizing that all this time You were being held and supported by so many caring hands, and loving hearts. Those that surround you those that came before you, those that are not even yet born. 

In peace, with joy, and sweet harmony! And if you find yourself waving the freedom flag again, which is likely to happen, just remind yourself to go back to square one. It’s ok to say yes, to be held and to hold, to be part of the flow and to trust.

I am held by the gravity on Earth, no matter what. Mother Nature provides enough for all of her children’s needs, I am her kin. I am a part of the infinite whole. No one can take what really matters away. I am being held and supported by many caring hands and loving hearts. Those that surround me, those that came before me, those that are not yet even born. I am supported by life itself.

What is Love?

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Boy and Rose

Actions arising out of stillness,
being moved without lifting a finger,
not trying to pursue a thing.

In a tender embrace, we stay,
entwined until we part ways;
Like a tree branch cherishing its leaves,
like the sea cradles its fish.

All that has to come to light,
let it come from deep within:
fear, anger, sadness, shame, pain.

I remain beside you:
no thoughts,
not trying to interfere.

Nothing is broken;
There’s nothing to be fixed.

Being fully present is the way
that sets us free from our self-imposed confinement.

I am your timeless self—
the one beside you on our journey,
the one to hold the space when you feel stuck,
a gentle nudge, a wink, a touch of hands.

No judgment,
never pushing you away.

Allowing space—
space that holds you
as you emerge from your secret den,
trusting that you can,
knowing you are held by grace.

Fear, anger, sadness, shame, pain.
They start to melt away.
Left behind is empty space.

All you have been taught begins to fade away.
You are on the way to find yourself again.

I hold you and you hold me
in that long-lasting moment.
The worlds we knew, they disappear.
It’s just you and me:
infinity of possibilities,
gratitude,
joy,
tears of compassion,
everlasting song of silence.

The heart is at peace,
mind comes to rest.
I feel blessed.

“I” enters the flow,
emptiness infused with love and light.
Finally,
I know I am
I am home.

Writing – The Journey of Self-Discovery

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As days go by and we look back, we notice traces that we have left behind. Some are visible, some invisible to the eye. Words emerge out of empty space, out of silence. As you read and engage, you get the feel of the invisible space tucked between the words we leave behind.

For this very reason I choose to write and create traces of my invisible thoughts, making them visible by following the wonderful process of transformation. Isn’t it exciting when you think about this whole wonder? Being born as a human being, we have this precious gift of thinking, reflecting, speaking, writing, sharing what we think & feel, simply by using the ink. The whole process has become so prevalent that we take it for granted. I think it’s a privilege and a miracle that we are able to communicate.

Writing has always been one of my main ‘go to’ ways of resolving many questions that have been brewing on my mind.  

Hence, it often feels like a quest; content full of questions, topics, and thoughts I have been struggling to comprehend, understand, and grasp. Mostly questions about life, nature, trust, love, ego, courage, clarity of mind, suffering, pain, balance.

I feel that my initial burning quest to find the answers is slowly turning into a flow. I have never had any plans of what I am about to write or when. It comes on its own, often in the middle of the night when I awake and I have to write.

Writing is like a journey, but without the GPS, or Google maps. I know I have to keep on writing, but I don’t know where the story is taking me. What comes next is always a mystery, even to me, and I am as much surprised as you are. I suppose that’s what makes it exciting. It feels like being on a journey of discovery through a written word. That feels nice.

A journey of self-discovery through reflection, writing, and sharing what I write. No plans, simply becoming a flow. What happens next ‘I don’t know’, I’m trusting the flow and I’m looking forward to all that unfolds. It feels special, it feels nice.

And that’s it from me, for now.

Mirror Reflection of Me

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Grandpa and granddaughter walking through theredwoods 
The sweet little poem,
a mirror reflection of me,
dedicated to us all.
A reminder for you,
for me,
for us all, in this circling, wondrous, wide world.


“I come to this world to play;
All that I see around me,
it’s all me.

Different expressions of me:
shapes, sizes, ages, colors, genders.

It does not matter how I see—
It’s all me,
full circle,
me.

More or less me,
whatever I see,
all around
is more or less of me.

I see.
It matters not what you can see.
Whatever you see,
it’s all me.”

 “Is that what you seek?
You see,
you are a part of me—
It’s all me.”


“I see.
It’s all me,
all around.

I close my eyes and I can see;
It has always been me.

All of it;
Just me.”

And I—
I come to this world to play
and to be what I am:
me.”

Learnings from Pain and Suffering

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We all have our own unique perception of our unique experiences in life. Stories I write come from my experience.

I am trying to understand why so many people who have experienced a lot of pain and suffering continue paying it forward and allowing their pain and suffering to spread through them – onto others.

Perhaps some people still carry a lot of pain, and they’re simply trying to lighten up their own burden? Being alive, we share what we are -and can can only spread and share what we carry inside.

I can clearly see a distinction between the actions of individuals who have brought their pain and suffering to their awareness and stopped the spread, and the reactions of those who still haven’t, yet are on the way.

Sometimes they simply didn’t have a chance to do so. Life has not yet afforded them with enough space for self-reflection. They were too busy, existential needs were more important. And eventually, pain and suffering trickled down so deep that even when they would have the required time and space, they could no longer see it, reach it. The deeper our pains and sufferings slip in, the older we get, the harder it is to shake it up and bring it up to the surface, where we can face it. It takes a lot – sometimes an accident, a burnout, or a disease such as cancer or a stroke, paralysis, and sometimes death itself. That’s a difficult way to go.

Even if someone else is able to see how much you struggle inside and wants to help you, while you still have a chance, no one can change your. Unless you are ready to do so. One can only fully accept you as you are, love you, stand by your side, nudge you, support you, show you the way, the door, hoping you will see that door and walk through. Yet, to walk you have to be ready and make a first step.

Environment we grow up in paints our reality, hence, it is important to put things into perspective and include the historical and cultural views – among many others.

In addition to the country where you grew up, if either of your parents have experienced being repressed when they were children, there’s a good chance you carry the legacy of repression, of some sort. Important to add, it’s not their fault, there’s no one to blame here. They simply inherited certain behaviour patterns from their parents and probably never had a chance to contemplate about it and get over it.

For example, the wounds inflicted by horrors of war can last for decades. The second world war ended in 1945 – that is over 80 years ago. However, the pain and suffering inflicted upon people did not yet come to an end. And the history repeats. Just when the younger generations might have healed or began healing the wounds they inherited from their parent and grandparents, the bombing starts again.

Anger & aggression cause damage and should not have a place in anyone’s home – in the ideal world. But that’s not the world we live in and sometimes we just have to learn how to deal with the consequences and reverse those negative impacts that might have happened while we were children. In order to heal and end this perpetual infliction.

The power of the fierce soul continues shining through, it resists being taken over, and is rising all over again. Just like the sun; just like Phoenix rising from the ashes. Emerging more powerful, smarter, and stronger. It’s all a matter of time.

Spring

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Groundhog

Just like spring
emerges out of the deep freeze,
transforming all you can see,
sense, hear, smell, taste
and all that surrounds you,
life is always giving you the golden opportunity
to express and be
your innermost, truest self.
Every single golden moment.

And that, my friend, is an inspiring thought.

Happy Spring Equinox!

Self-Worth

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It feels very liberating; the moment you realize you don’t have to prove yourself to yourself or anyone else. That you are perfect just the way you are – perfectly imperfect.

I think about all my decorations, diplomas, universities, occupations, titles, ranks, achievements, relationships, make-up, hairstyles, brand names, photos, social media posts, trips, visits, presentations, over-time work. Some of those have been about proving my worth, and not necessarily 100% alligned with my authentic self.  

Can you remember someone in your life who knew exactly what they wanted and went for it despite what everyone else did? I always wondered what it is that gives those people such strength. One has to be connected and authentic to follow their own path. In this day and age, it’s quite a rare sight to come across. At least in my experience.

Where does it all start? This disconnect? Again and again, over and over again, seems like it all goes back to our childhood, and how we learned to perceive the world around us. Impulses we were sending to our brains based on our sensory perceptions, and our emotional reactions. All along we were saving data – just like when I press save on my computer. Gigabytes of memory saved and stored.

I remember when I started trying to impress others, act as if I was all grown up because I felt a lack of attention. I tried doing whatever it took to prove that I too can be part of the game. Thinking my older siblings will accept me as equals if I start copying them – trying to be faster, stronger, smarter. Or that the grown-ups will stop perceiving me as someone too little to understand what is really going on. There’s a lot of stories that go on in children’s minds that grown-ups miss if they don’t pay attention.

Was your immediate environment accepting, loving, inviting, safe, warm? Did you feel accepted, loved, invited, safe, and warm as a child?

If the answer is no, not really, not all the time. It’s not a biggie. You can recreate that scenario in your mind any time in your life. On your own, or with your best friend. Play games, do a role-play – recreate your past – this approach has been proven as a powerful and transformative life-changing tool for many people.

At the end of the day, it’s quite simple – accept yourself for who and what you are. With all your stories, pretenses, and authenticity. Recognize yourself completely, love yourself, and create whatever situation you need to make yourself feel at home, safe, welcome, and warm. Even if you simply take a hot bubble bath with your favorite yellow rubber duck. Soak yourself in all those feelings, and emerge triumphant.

It’s very similar to when you open the word file and start editing the document you drafted. You can do it anytime you want, change the script, override the old scenario, save it and the old script is gone. You can do it as many times as you like, until YOU feel satisfied. Under the same name. Under your name!

Simplicity in its simplest form. That’s what life is all about. Lessons taken from computer world. Whatever helps. Just make sure you have enough RAM and a reliable antivirus system. 😊

PS… if your mind still isn’t happy and remains stuck with the old “trying to prove yourself” game…
Simply tweak a few rules of the game by overriding the circuit.
How? Take real pride in yourself. Focus all your attention on proving yourself, that you can prove yourself that you no longer have to prove anything to yourself or anyone else. Go back to become that burden free, and happy child again. How much ever wrinkly your skin has become, after steeping yourself in often challenging, yet transformative earthly waters. 😉

Compassion and Ego

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Where does compassion stand when the judgement kicks in?

Compassion and judgement are not the two opposites.

Let’s look at different roles judgement can assume in our lives, how it manifests, and what are some of its pros and cons.

To start with, judging can be a type of behaviour, a habit, tendency of one’s reaction to different events. For example, I can judge myself, various situations, or other people.

On the other hand, judging can also be a very useful process and a skill to be applied while using clarity and wisdom. We use judgment to correctly estimate the situation and act accordingly. Let’s say you’re interviewing a candidate for a new job.  You have to apply judgment to assess the suitability of that candidate for the offered position.

What about compassion?

Take a look at the image with me and my dog Daisy. It’s so easy for me to feel compassion for her. The same kind of energy goes for a child; when they’re playing or simply being. All I have to do is relax, soften up, connect and I get a feel of the bonding sensation, a feeling between me and another human being who is pure love. I am able to see “divine” in a waking state. That is compassion for me.

It’s quite easy to connect, to see “noble virtues” in children or Daisy, or other people who I love and trust. Though that is not always the case.

At times, people’s actions come across as cruel, due to my own experience and perception. When my own judgement kicks in it distorts the ability for me to feel any bond or compassion for that person. My ego flares up, all I can see in that moment is a person I cannot trust. I have to try hard to move beyond my judgmental ego, to calm down, to see beyond my limitations, and remain clear and composed (not only on surface).

Could ego be the dividing force that prevents us from feeling compassion?  Because, when my ego flares up and interferes, any room for compassion disappears.

I believe compassion arises through us all, out of love for another. Another being, a plant, visible, or non-visible object.

In that very moment, the that what I see is extension of me. The I recognize the self in the other. It is the same self itself. Not two, nor three, but one. One self, like one sun, reflecting through milliards of mirrors. Its purpose to shine.

The cleaner my mirror, the more I reflect, extending my luster & shine.

Like the full moon, continuously rising, waning, reflecting. Sometimes less, sometimes more, sometimes not, and sometimes fully…

Become like the full moon, my friend, bring through your full light, especially when the night appears to be dark.

Every mother, father, sister, brother, son, daughter, or a child has experienced compassion. There’s not a single human under the Sun, who hasn’t. We all have it, we all know it, it happens through all of us at one point or another.

I think we only narrowed it down a bit, shrank the orbits of our compassionate selves, showing it only towards those closest to our heart, to those we love.

Yet the sun shines for all, doesn’t it?

You matter just as much as I matter. We all matter, we all can smile and shine the light.

Matter=physical substance=all life forms=Prakriti, Shakti—through which the Purusha, Atman, the Sun=pure awareness= consciousness—shines.

We rely on the Sun’s energy to live on Earth, and we all have the same potential to shine that light, to live life, and to support life on Earth. Simply plant a sunflower seed – or any seed – give it the right kind of environment, watch it grow, and you will see.

As above, so below, as within so without.

Further reading: I found this beautiful piece on The Ancient Yoga of the Sun. It resonates deeply.

Trust

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Feather on Snow

I want to dive deep into trust. I need to reconnect to my inner trust.

What does trust mean to me? Where do I stand when it comes to trust? Why am I thinking about trust? Do I struggle with trust?

I remind myself, why should I not have trust when our existence is the embodiment of trust itself? Why do I than sometimes behave like Charlie Brown?

I came to realize my level of trust depends on the level of disconnect I have with myself, at any given time, which seems to be always changing.

I find there is a connection; the more thoughts I tend to generate and process, the less empty space I afford myself to have. The nature, velocity, and frequency of thoughts indicates how blank or busy my state of beingness is. A useful indicator.

Here’s why meditation plays a vital role. When you first attempt to meditate it may be a challenging endeavor to start with. It varies from one person to another. It usually begins as an affair between you and the so called ‘monkey’ mind. Monkey mind needs to be managed patiently, it may need some training and reining in.
The best way to start with, is to simply close your eyes and begin observing any sensations going on in your body, any thoughts that come to your mind. Simply observing – a bit like gazing towards the sky, watching as the passing clouds go by.

After some time – days, months, perhaps years of daily practice – at some point on this journey one usually gets to a stage when there’s nothing more to be observed. Perhaps a cloud puff here and there. Mind becomes like an empty bucket, full of empty space. How long will that take? That is unique to each individual, each person has their own journey, intensity, ups, and downs.

Gradually one becomes aware of their breath, mind activity subsides significantly. No matter how much time of ardent dedication, patience, and discipline it takes, I assure you, anything that increases the level of your peace of mind is worth the effort.

Many worries that have a tendency to pull one down become less prevalent, there’s more surrender and trust. One realizes, that all that is required to live this beautiful life, is done for you automatically. All that matters to keep our bodies alive every moment of your day. Our breathing happens without having to think about breathing. Our heart beats on its own, body functions exactly as it should…all the vital functions operate without any input from our wonderful and useful conscious mind. Mind is very useful for translating the impulses of our body, so we know when and how to respond accordingly. For example, we get hungry, need to use the bathroom, we feel cold, get sleepy. All the essential communication happens between the body and our cognitive mind. So beautifully and harmoniously orchestrated. All we need to do is to respond. And respond we do.

All perfectly tuned in… even more during our childhood phase. As we start growing up, we absorb the world around us – we feed ourselves with different thoughts, emotions, information, food. We develop habits, we accumulate memories.  

Our current situation in life mirrors the relationship we have developed to ourselves and to our body. I say developed, because that’s what we do, day in, day out. Every minute, every hour.

Hence, when we feel slightly out of balance, we need to reconnect to our bodies, to ourselves. In case the disconnect is very big, we may need some help, to get us back on track so we can continue with the healing process ourselves.

It’s important to pause and tune in, check our body sensations and our thoughts. When there’s enough gap in our thought process, we may get the required insights and direction on what to do next, how to best move on.  

Hence the importance of meditation. I can’t emphasize it enough. A simple state of beingness, when all you have to do is sit somewhere comfortably, undisturbed, with your eyes half or fully closed. That’s all you have to do. From here on, you drop doing and you start being. Peace surrounds you; time disappears, all chitter chatter gone.

After resuming back to doing, one gets access to increased clarity and knowing. That is the foundation of your trust. Trusting life, trusting existence.

Not some blind trust that comes from a secondary source – something someone tells you, something you read or hear. Don’t even trust what I say. Because what I say is my truth, right here, right now. Everybody is unique, hence, learning to listen and hone our own voice of truth is an important skill that supports our self-confidence and stability in life.

As you read these lines and connect to my thoughts, and if it resonates with you, if you feel that sensation deep inside, simply, take courage and try it on your own. It doesn’t cost a dime.

For me, trust is a state of being, not doing.

I love life with all my heart, I am life, hence I honor and respect my body. Without my best body buddy, I would not have the chance to experience this exquisite affair life affords me every single moment of my existence on this beautiful planet Earth.

This relationship is very profound.

I feel very grateful to life. There’s also a residue of sadness because I did not always respect life as I do today. But it’s ok, because I know I always did the best I could, even, when at times, I didn’t know there was a different way. I am here today, and that’s what matters. Right here, right now.

That’s why I want to share my journey with you, because, if you too are finding your way in this world, you know well it can sometimes be challenging, confusing, and lonely. Don’t be shy to ask for help if you do feel that way; there are so many ways out there that can support you on your journey. Find the way that resonates with the unique you. The whole universe is out there to support you. Because you are life itself.

Trust life, trust yourself. Fall in love with life. Nothing and nobody else is needed in this love affair but you. And then, you might realize that everything and everyone else becomes like icing on the cake. Scrumptiously delicious, spicing up your day. Joie de vivre!!!

On that note, I let you be.
May you be in peaceful joy.
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti Om. 

🤗

 

Love or Infatuation?

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Rose and a bee

Why love and why now?  

“Artist, poets, musicians, writers, we all need our muse. Thank You are my muse, who inspires me on this journey.”

There are many beautiful love stories out there, full of wonderful inspiring relationships. But there are also examples when falling in love becomes a quest, an obsession, turning into a need of possession due to the innermost insecurities of the conquistador. Someone who is trying to compensate for something they think they once had but lost, and wants to have that again. If anything comes out of such a quest, it often leads to an unhealthy relationship and an unhealthy marriage. It reminds me of what Jane Austen wrote: ‘Marriage can be an excuse for failures of character and the root cause of poor behavior.

Have you ever tried catching a fish with your bare hands? The tighter you squeeze the faster it will slip away. You may even try to fool a fish with a hand-tied fly, only to realize it was never yours to behold.

When you see a beautiful flower, when it moves you from within – you can admire that flower, you can smell it – you don’t have to pick it. You can enjoy her essence, let it be, thank the universe for the precious gift you have received, and smile again. Whatever your choice, strive to be the noble version of yourself. Show your innermost respect to the feminine in all its forms on Earth – respect the Shakti. Try your best not to abuse the sacred life giving power only to satisfy your selfish desires that offer momentary satisfaction.

Love is everywhere, like the air, overflowing in abundance, available to us all, to reach, to connect, to quench our inexhaustible thirst. You don’t always need another human being to feel love. Sure, it alters the experience, but there are so many venues and expressions where you can taste love. Even on your own, within. Love makes this world go round. It’s woven in the very fabric of existence.

When you go out for a walk, in nature, do you ever hear and notice bees buzzing in a flower? Have you ever seen their crazy dance, getting all intoxicated, and totally blissed out? Next time you notice, make sure you don’t disturb them; they get very pissed off if you do. 😇

Love is unattainable because it has always been there. Love is the glue that keeps everything together. You, me, the bees, and the flowers. Without love, there’s no life. Without life, there is no love. Loving life is living love because you have a heart that beats inside your chest. And for as long as you can sense that beat, you are the embodiment of love and life itself.

Your body can fall when your heart beats no more, but your spirit will rise, with all your love, showering the whole existence. Blessing all that has ever been, all there is, and all that is yet to be.