Always trying to prove myself – sounds familiar?
It feels very liberating; the moment it hits you and you realize you don’t have to prove yourself to yourself or anyone else.
It stings a bit when you recognize that throughout your life, most of what you have done was trying to prove yourself, validate your worth though actions, half-baked stories; to prove your right to be here, to exist.
All them diplomas, universities, careers, titles, status, ranks, passports, nationalities, languages, achievements, relationships, make-ups, hairstyles, brand names, decorations, declarations, initiations, photos, social media posts, trips, visits, presentations, overtime work. What else comes to mind?
How exhausting, how disconnected, and inauthentic, yet, it never occurred there was another way. It might have felt a bit odd, at times, but you weren’t quite able to grasp what it was. Often, life is such that people think they simply have to go on, do things, trod along. Especially after we grow up… chasing the carrot on a stick.
Perhaps there was someone around you that did know – but then again – you have to be a very connected and an authentic person to be able to see that in someone else. In this day and age, I dare say that’s a precious rarity.
So, when someone holds you accountable to what you’ve done, or what you are doing, trying to shake you up, to wake you up a bit – do pay attention, tune in and figure out if what you are doing is really what YOU want in your life. Not only for the sake of others. And be grateful to that special person. We only want what is best for you.
Where does it all start? This disconnect? Again and again, over and over again, it all goes back to your childhood, and how you have learned to perceive the world around you. Impulses you were sending to your brain based on your sensory perceptions, and your emotional reactions. All along you were simply storing data – just like, when you press save on your computer. File safely saved and stored.
Think about those times when you were still a child. Can you remember? Did you feel wanted? Did you feel loved simply for being yourself, or, did you always have to prove yourself, do stuff to get the praise? I don’t mean the normal stuff, when you learned how to chew food, uttered your first meaningful words, or achieved your first few steps.
I’m talking about when you started trying to impress on others; act as if you were all grown up because you felt lack of appreciation and acceptance for who you were. In response you might have tried whatever it took to prove, that you too can be part of the game. Thinking your older siblings will accept you if you become like them – trying to be faster, stronger, smarter. Or, that the grown-ups will stop perceiving you as someone who is still too little to understand what is really going on. All that can often lead to a particular way of being when you’re all grown up. If you’re not aware, there’s a good chance you are still playing that game.
Ask yourself a question: “Was my immediate environment accepting, loving, inviting, safe, warm? Did I feel accepted, loved, invited, safe, and warm as a child, just the way I was?”
If the answer is no, not really, not all the time. It’s not a biggie. You can recreate that scenario in your mind any time in your life. On your own, or with your best friend. Play games, do a role-play and recreate your past – this approach has been proven as a powerful and transformative, life changing tool for many people.
At the end of the day, it’s quite simple – accept yourself for who and what you are. With all your stories, pretenses, and authenticity. Recognize yourself completely, love yourself, create whatever situation you need to make yourself feel at home, safe, welcome, and warm. Even if you simply take a hot bubble bath with your favorite yellow rubber duck. Soak yourself in all those feelings, and emerge triumphant.
You know – it’s just like when you open that messy word file and re-edit anytime you want, change the script, override the old scenario, and save it all over again. How many ever times it takes, until YOU feel content, until your heart is satisfied. Under the same name. Under your name!
Yes! Simplicity in its simplest form. That’s what life is all about. Lessons taken from computer world. Whatever helps. Just make sure you have enough RAM and a reliable antivirus system. 😊
PS… if your mind still isn’t happy and remains stuck with the old “trying to prove yourself” game…
Simply tweak a few rules of the game by overriding the circuit.
How? Take real pride in yourself. Focus all your attention on proving yourself, that you can prove yourself that you no longer have to prove anything to yourself or anyone else. Go back to become that burden free, and happy child again. How much ever wrinkly your skin has become, after steeping yourself in often challenging, yet transformative earthly waters. 😉