Always trying to prove myself – sounds familiar?
It feels very liberating; the moment it hits you and you realize you don’t have to prove yourself to yourself or anyone else. That you are perfectly just the way you are – perfectly imperfect.
It stings me when I realize that throughout life, most of the things I have done was about proving myself, validating my worth though actions, half-baked stories; proving to have a right to be here, to exist.
Think about all your decorations, diplomas, universities, occupations, titles, ranks, achievements, relationships, make-up, hairstyles, brand names, photos, social media posts, trips, visits, presentations, overtime work. What else comes to your mind that was not quite genuine in your life? Something that was part of proving your worth, and not necessarily 100% authentic to who you are.
Quite exhausting, disconnected and inauthentic, yet, it never occurred to me there was another way. It might have felt a bit odd, but I wasn’t quite able to grasp what it was. Often life is such that we think we have to do stuff, we have to keep up with the trend, we have march on. That’s especially if we lose touch with our true self.
Can you remember someone in your life who knew exactly what they wanted and went for it despite what everyone else did? I always wondered what it is that give those people such strength, that I never had in my childhood or teens. One has to be really connected and authentic to follow their own path. In this day and age, it’s quite a rare sight to come across. At least where I live.
Where does it all start? This disconnect? Again and again, over and over again, it all goes back to our childhood, and how we learned to perceive the world around us. Impulses we were sending to our brains based on our sensory perceptions, and our emotional reactions. All along we were saving data – just like when I press save on my computer. Gigabytes of memory saved and stored.
Think about times when you were still a child. Can you remember? Did you feel accepted just the way you were? Did you feel loved simply by being you, or, did you always have to prove yourself, do stuff to get attention and love?
I remember when I started trying to impress others, act as if I was all grown up because I felt lack of attention for who I was? I tried doing whatever it took to prove that I too can be part of the game. Thinking my older siblings will accept me if I start copying them – trying to be faster, stronger, smarter. Or that the grown-ups will stop perceiving me as someone too little to understand what is really going on.
Such behaviour formation lead to a particular way of being when I was all grown up. If I wasn’t aware, I’d still be playing that game.
So, was your immediate environment accepting, loving, inviting, safe, warm? Did you feel accepted, loved, invited, safe, and warm as a child?
If the answer is no, not really, not all the time. It’s not a biggie. You can recreate that scenario in your mind any time in your life. On your own, or with your best friend. Play games, do a role-play – recreate your past – this approach has been proven as a powerful and transformative life changing tool for many people.
At the end of the day, it’s quite simple – accept yourself for who and what you are. With all your stories, pretenses, and authenticity. Recognize yourself completely, love yourself, create whatever situation you need to make yourself feel at home, safe, welcome, and warm. Even if you simply take a hot bubble bath with your favorite yellow rubber duck. Soak yourself in all those feelings, and emerge triumphant.
It’s very similar to when you open the word file and start editing the document you drafted. You can do it anytime you want, change the script, override the old scenario, save it and the old script is gone. You can do it as many times you like, until YOU feel satisfied. Under the same name. Under your name!
Simplicity in its simplest form. That’s what life is all about. Lessons taken from computer world. Whatever helps. Just make sure you have enough RAM and a reliable antivirus system. 😊
PS… if your mind still isn’t happy and remains stuck with the old “trying to prove yourself” game…
Simply tweak a few rules of the game by overriding the circuit.
How? Take real pride in yourself. Focus all your attention on proving yourself, that you can prove yourself that you no longer have to prove anything to yourself or anyone else. Go back to become that burden free, and happy child again. How much ever wrinkly your skin has become, after steeping yourself in often challenging, yet transformative earthly waters. 😉