Category: Chapter 1

Self-Worth

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Always trying to prove myself – sounds familiar?

It feels very liberating; the moment it hits you and you realize you don’t have to prove yourself to yourself or anyone else. That you are perfectly just the way you are – perfectly imperfect.

It stings me when I realize that throughout life, most of the things I have done was about proving myself, validating my worth though actions, half-baked stories; proving to have a right to be here, to exist.

Think about all your decorations, diplomas, universities, occupations, titles, ranks, achievements, relationships, make-up, hairstyles, brand names, photos, social media posts, trips, visits, presentations, overtime work. What else comes to your mind that was not quite genuine in your life? Something that was part of proving your worth, and not necessarily 100% authentic to who you are.  

Quite exhausting, disconnected and inauthentic, yet, it never occurred to me there was another way. It might have felt a bit odd, but I wasn’t quite able to grasp what it was. Often life is such that we think we have to do stuff, we have to keep up with the trend, we have march on. That’s especially if we lose touch with our true self.

Can you remember someone in your life who knew exactly what they wanted and went for it despite what everyone else did? I always wondered what it is that give those people such strength, that I never had in my childhood or teens. One has to be really connected and authentic to follow their own path. In this day and age, it’s quite a rare sight to come across. At least where I live.

Where does it all start? This disconnect? Again and again, over and over again, it all goes back to our childhood, and how we learned to perceive the world around us. Impulses we were sending to our brains based on our sensory perceptions, and our emotional reactions. All along we were saving data – just like when I press save on my computer. Gigabytes of memory saved and stored.

Think about times when you were still a child. Can you remember? Did you feel accepted just the way you were? Did you feel loved simply by being you, or, did you always have to prove yourself, do stuff to get attention and love?

I remember when I started trying to impress others, act as if I was all grown up because I felt lack of attention for who I was? I tried doing whatever it took to prove that I too can be part of the game. Thinking my older siblings will accept me if I start copying them – trying to be faster, stronger, smarter. Or that the grown-ups will stop perceiving me as someone too little to understand what is really going on.

Such behaviour formation lead to a particular way of being when I was all grown up. If I wasn’t aware, I’d still be playing that game.

So, was your immediate environment accepting, loving, inviting, safe, warm? Did you feel accepted, loved, invited, safe, and warm as a child?

If the answer is no, not really, not all the time. It’s not a biggie. You can recreate that scenario in your mind any time in your life. On your own, or with your best friend. Play games, do a role-play – recreate your past – this approach has been proven as a powerful and transformative life changing tool for many people.

At the end of the day, it’s quite simple – accept yourself for who and what you are. With all your stories, pretenses, and authenticity. Recognize yourself completely, love yourself, create whatever situation you need to make yourself feel at home, safe, welcome, and warm. Even if you simply take a hot bubble bath with your favorite yellow rubber duck. Soak yourself in all those feelings, and emerge triumphant.

It’s very similar to when you open the word file and start editing the document you drafted. You can do it anytime you want, change the script, override the old scenario, save it and the old script is gone. You can do it as many times you like, until YOU feel satisfied. Under the same name. Under your name!

Simplicity in its simplest form. That’s what life is all about. Lessons taken from computer world. Whatever helps. Just make sure you have enough RAM and a reliable antivirus system. 😊

PS… if your mind still isn’t happy and remains stuck with the old “trying to prove yourself” game…
Simply tweak a few rules of the game by overriding the circuit.
How? Take real pride in yourself. Focus all your attention on proving yourself, that you can prove yourself that you no longer have to prove anything to yourself or anyone else. Go back to become that burden free, and happy child again. How much ever wrinkly your skin has become, after steeping yourself in often challenging, yet transformative earthly waters. 😉

Compassion and Ego

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Where does compassion stand when the judgement kicks in?

Compassion and judgement are not the two opposites.

Let’s look at different roles judgement can assume in our lives, how it manifests, and what are some of its pros and cons.

To start with, judging can be a type of behavior, a habit, tendency of one’s reaction to different events. For example, I can judge myself, various situations, or other people.

On the other hand, judging can also be a very useful process and a skill to be applied while using clarity and wisdom. Even the wises people use judgement to correctly estimate the situation and act accordingly. Let’s say you’re interviewing a candidate for a new job.  You have to apply judgement to assess the suitability of that candidate for the offered position.

What about compassion?

Take a look at the image with me and my dog Daisy. It’s so easy for me to feel compassion for her, she feels divine, loving. Same energy goes for a child; when they’re playing or simply being. All I have to do is relax, soften up, connect and I get a feel of the bonding sensation, a feeling between me and another human being who is pure love. I am able to see “God” in a waking state. That is compassion for me.

It’s quite easy connect, to see “god” in children or Daisy, or others people who I love and trust. I becomes very challenging when a person who has cheated me for $15k is standing in front of me, picking up his cheque I had to sign.  

Sometimes, people tend to come across as cruel, but that is only due to my own experience and perception. In that moment judgement kicks in, and distorts the ability for me to feel any bond or compassion for that person. My ego flares up, all I can see in that moment is a cheater, someone who hurt me and me as the victim. I have to try really hard to go beyond my judgmental ego, to calm down, to see beyond my limitations, and behave as the self.

I feel it is the ego that is the opposite to compassion.  When my ego flares up and interferes, any room for compassion disappear.

Some people with very strong personalities have a tendency of being quite judgmental. They want to fight, prove, resist, compete, analyze, in a very restless way. I often notice in those moments the room for compassion is taken away, the space becomes sullied.

I wonder how you can perceive the difference? If you are able to notice what takes away your ability to be compassionate and how your ego interferes when it comes to your relations to others? Humans, or non-humans? Friends or strangers?

I believe compassion arises through us all, out of love for another. Another being, plant, visible, or non-visible object.

In that very moment, the self that I am, recognizes the self in the other. It is the same self itself. Not two, nor three, but one. One self, like one sun, reflecting through milliards of mirrors. Its purpose to shine.

The cleaner your mirror, the more you reflect, extending your luster & shine.

Like the full moon, continuously rising, waning, reflecting. Sometimes less, sometimes more, sometimes not, and sometimes fully…

Become like the full moon, my friend, bring through your full light, especially when the night appears to be dark.

🌕

Every mother, father, sister, brother, son, daughter, or a child has experienced compassion. There’s not a singles human under the Sun, who hasn’t. We all have it, we all know it, it happens through all of us at one point or another.

I think we only narrowed it down a bit, shrank the orbits of our compassionate selves, showing it only towards those closest to our heart, to those we love.

Yet the sun shines for all, doesn’t it?

And still we constrain, out of fear, judgement, anger, resentment, sadness, animosity, rage, doubt, blame, shame, stories, struggle, pain. We create our own self deprived reality of our co-existence on planet Earth.

I wonder, would it hurt to give it a go, wipe the slate clean, and let go? Drop that, which takes away our fully fledged luster and shine? That, which is given to us as a birthright? Something so precious, something that no one can ever take away. Not even me or you, because it’s always there..

You matter just as much as I matter. We all matter, we all can smile and shine the light.

Matter=physical substance=all life forms=Prakriti, Shakti—through which the Purusha, Atman, the Sun=pure awareness= consciousness—shines.

We rely on the Sun’s energy to live on Earth, and we all have the same potential to shine that light, to live life, and to support life on Earth. Simply plant a sunflower seed – or any seed – give it the right kind of environment, watch it grow, and you will see.

As above, so below, as within so without.

Further reading: I found this beautiful piece on The Ancient Yoga of the Sun. It resonates deeply.

Trust

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Feather on Snow

I want to dive deep into trust. I need to reconnect to my inner trust.


What does trust mean to me? Where do I stand when it comes to trust? Why am I thinking about trust? Do I struggle with trust?


I remind myself, why should I not have trust when our existence is the embodiment of trust itself? Why do I than sometimes behave like Charlie Brown?


I came to realize my level of trust depends on the level of disconnect I have with myself, at any given time, which seems to be always changing. Like the blank canvas analogy, I used in the “Blowing Air Bubbles” post.


There is a connection; the more thoughts I tend to generate and process, the less empty space I afford myself to have, the busier that canvas. The nature, velocity, and frequency of thoughts indicates how blank or busy my state of beingness is. It’s a useful indicator.

Here’s why meditation plays a vital role. When you first attempt to meditate it may be a challenging endeavor to start with. It depends from one person to another. It begins as an affair between you and the so called ‘monkey’ mind. Monkey mind needs to be managed patiently, it may need some training and raining in. To start with, you simply close your eyes and begin observing any sensations going on in your body, any thoughts that come to your mind. Simply observing, like gazing towards the sky, watching as the passing clouds go by. After some time – days, months, perhaps years of daily practice, at some point on this journey one usually gets to a stage when there’s nothing more to be observed. Perhaps a cloud puff here and there. Your mind becomes an empty bucket, full of incredible space. How long will that take? That’s unique to each individual, each person has their own journey, ups and downs. It all happens in their own perfect time.

As it happens, you will still be aware of your breath, but your mind activity will subside, significantly. No matter how many years of ardent dedication, patience, and discipline it takes, I assure you, anything that increases the level of your peace of mind is worth the effort.

All the worries that used to pull you down become less prevalent, there’s more surrender and trust. You realize that all that is required for you to live this beautiful life is done for you automatically. All that matters to keep you alive every moment of your day. Your breathing happens without having to think about, your heart beats on its own, body functions exactly as it should…all the vital functions operate without any input from your wonderful and useful mind. Mind is useful for translating the impulses of your body, so you can respond. You get hungry, you have to wee, you feel cold, get sleepy. All the essential communication happens between your body and your cognitive mind. So beautifully and harmoniously orchestrated. All you need to do is respond. And respond we do.

All perfectly tuned in… even more during our childhood phase. As we start growing up, we absorb the world around us – we feed ourselves with different thoughts, emotions, information, food. We develop habits, we accumulate all sorts of memories.  

Your current situation in life mirrors the relationship you have developed to yourself and to your body. I say developed, because that’s what we do, day in, day out. Every minute, every hour.

If we feel slightly out of balance, we need to reconnect to our bodies, to ourselves. In case the disconnect is very big, we may need some help, to get us back on track so we can continue with the healing process ourselves.


It’s important to pause and tune in, check our body sensations and our thoughts. When there’s enough gap in our thought process, we may get the required insights and direction on what to do next, how to best move on.  

Hence the importance of meditation. I can’t emphasize it enough. That simple state of beingness, when all you have to do is sit somewhere comfortably, undisturbed, with your eyes half or fully closed. That’s all you have to do. From there on, you drop doing and you start being. Peace surrounds you; time disappears, all chitter chatter gone.

And when you resume back to doing, you get access to so much more clarity; you simply know. That is the foundation of your trust. Trusting life, trusting existence.

Not some blind trust that comes from a secondary source – something someone tells you, something you read or hear. Don’t even trust what I say. Because what I say is my truth, right here, right now. Everybody should start listening and honing their voice of truth.  

As you read these lines and connect to my thoughts, and if it resonates with you, if you feel that sensation deep inside, simply, take courage and try it on your own. It doesn’t cost a dime.

For me, trust is a state of being, not doing.

I love life with all my heart, I am life, hence I honor and respect my body. Without my best body buddy, I would not have the chance to experience this exquisite affair life affords me every single moment of my existence on this beautiful planet Earth.


This relationship is very profound. There are many emotions I feel as I write these lines… the overwhelming warm sensation in my heart, at times I get teary eyes.

I feel very grateful to life. There’s also a residue of sadness because I did not always respect life as I do today. But it’s ok, because I know I always did the best I could, even, when at times, I didn’t know there was a different way. I am here today, and that’s what matters. Right here, right now.

That’s why I want to share my journey with you, because, if you too are finding your way in this world, you know well it can sometimes be challenging, confusing, and lonely. Don’t be shy to ask for help if you do feel that way; there are so many ways out there that can support you on your journey. Find the way that resonates with the unique you. The whole universe is out there to support you. Because you are life itself.

Trust life, trust yourself. Fall in love with life. Nothing and nobody else is needed in this love affair but you. And then, you might realize that everything and everyone else becomes like icing on the cake. Scrumptiously delicious, spicing up your day. Joie de vivre!!!

On that note, I let you be.
May you be in peaceful joy.
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti Om. 

🤗

 

Love or Infatuation?

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Rose and a bee

Why love and why now?  

“Artist, poets, musicians, writers, we all need our muse. Thank You are my secret muse, who inspires me on this journey.”

I speak a few different languages and I consider myself fortunate to be able to notice subtle nuances in various expressions when referred to in English, German, Italian, Spanish, Slovenian, Croatian.

English, although currently the most widely spoken language worldwide, isn’t always the most suitable and accurate one when describing certain expressions.

An example that strikes me over and over again is the term “falling in love“. To my mind, it just doesn’t make sense, it’s a contradiction in terms.

I say to myself – ahhh, silly girl… love is love. And words,… what does it matter when it comes to love? This means I could stop right now. However, to satisfy my mind, to spill it all out, I will go on…

Spanish: enamorarse
Italian: innamorarsi
Slovenian, Croatian, Serbian: zaljubiti se
German: verlieben
Russian: vlyublyat’sya

English – fall in love. Same in French: tomber amoureux. “What?” Can’t we coin a better word? How about something like to en-love, or to envelope myself with you’?

How can I fall in love when it is love that penetrates our beingness and gives us wings to fly, to rise above?
How can we say fall in love when our whole body starts throbbing, when heart starts fluttering, our spirit flying, when our beingness gets exalted, in bliss?

When in love, I don’t think I have fallen anywhere, unless I got clumsy when intoxicated with love and tripped over a stump. Or that moment, when without any hesitation I surrendered to love, and we became the cosmic dancers, indulging in the affairs of love.

Have you ever experienced that feeling when you’re drawn towards someone, who happens to be a compatible catalyst for you to experience something new. Some strange magnetism happens and at the time, you don’t know what it is. Is it the universe showing you the way, or nature exercising her rein? Is it love or infatuation driven by carnal desires? When it happens it’s difficult to think while being swept off our feet, almost blinded, and have no ideas what’s going on.

People become attracted to each other, stories begin to weave through one another, paths intertwine. So, when you think you have suddenly “fallen in love”, take a few moments and think twice, if only you can. There’s a good chance nature may be trying to lure you in her web of illusion. One can easily get swayed; in fact, many of us do.

There are many beautiful love stories out there, full of wonderful inspiring relationships. But there are also examples when falling in love becomes a quest, an obsession, turning into a need of possession due to innermost insecurities of the conquistador. Someone who is trying to compensate for something they think they once had but lost, and wanting to have that again. If anything comes out of such quest, it often leads to an unhealthy relationship and unhappy marriage.

Have you ever tried catching a fish with your bare hands? The tighter you squeeze the slippy, freedom loving fish, the faster it will slip away. You may even try to fool a fish with a hand-tied fly, only to realize it was never yours to behold. You’re better off letting the fish go. One day, the fish may simply come to you, on its own. That day when you become patient and humble enough to let go and surrender.

Don’t be fooled by thinking you can gain access to that perpetual abundant flow, the sweetness that is unlike anything else you have ever tasted, by clinging to someone you think you have ‘fallen in love’ with. Many have tried, over and over again, with no long-lasting success, only to end up tasting the bitterness of misery. Or better – by realizing the truth they once couldn’t see; as if they were spell bound. Everything is possible.

The miserable lot – they usually get all crippled, shriveled up like old prunes, and scared to open their hearts and love again, thinking “c’est no possible.” Life turns into a drama. They might have watched too many TV shows, got obsessed with nonsensical scripted love stories, and read too many romance novels that mostly sell infatuation. Perhaps they had poor examples to aspire to, while growing up. Or, they ended up experiencing too many unpleasant events in their childhood, not feeling they too were loved, and their little big hearts got hurt. They got lost on their way. Everything is possible.

Despite all our exclusive promises we make to someone, love remains nonexclusive. You cannot know who will kindle your spark next, and when it will happen again. So, when it happens again, don’t be shy and deny it; also don’t feel guilty about it. Acknowledge it and be grateful, even if you choose to say and do nothing, but smile.

When you see a beautiful flower, when it moves you from within – you can admire that flower, you can smell it – you don’t have to pick it. Enjoy her essence, let it be, thank the universe for the precious gift you have received, and smile again. Whatever your choice, strive to be the noble version of your self. Show your inner most respect to the feminine in all its forms on Earth – respect the Shakti. Try your best not to abuse the sacred life giving power only to satisfy your selfish desires that offer momentary satisfaction.

Perhaps, just perhaps the person who coined the term “falling in love” had one, or a few unpleasant experiences. I’m only speculating.

Apart from “falling in order to rise”, there is no such thing as “falling” in love. We rise in love. We merge, we fuse in love, we surrender to love, we soak in love, we lose ourselves to love, we become love. Perhaps the ego falls and the soul rises – could this be the reason for coining the term fall in love? I wonder.

Love is everywhere, like the air, overflowing in abundance, available to us all, to reach, to connect, to quench our inexhaustible thirst. You don’t always need another human being to feel love. Sure, it alters the experience, but there are so many venues and expressions where you can taste love. Even on your own, within. Love makes this world go round. It’s woven in the very fabric of existence.

When you go out for a walk, in nature, do you ever hear and notice bees buzzing in a flower? Have you ever seen their crazy dance, getting all intoxicated, and totally blissed out? Next time you notice, make sure you don’t disturb them; they get very pissed off if you do. 😇

I hope you realized by now that you cannot attain love. Love is unattainable because it has always been there. You knew that, when you were a child, but got distracted and sidetracked when you started growing up. Buzz, buzz, it’s time to wake up; so you can fall – only to rise again. Sun plays this game all the time – or so it appears.

Love is the glue that keeps everything together. You, me, the bees, and the flowers. Without love, there’s no life. Without life, there is no love. Loving life is living love, because you have a heart that beats inside your chest. And for as long as you can sense that beat, you are the embodiment of love and life itself.

Your body can fall when your heart beats no more, but your spirit will rise, with all your love, showering the whole existence. Blessing all that has ever been, all there is, and all that is yet to be.

Isn’t that so, sweet, beloved one… A fresh perspective that hopefully, tingles your subatomic particles. I smile and I thank the universe for having me, for showing me the way.

I got inspired to weave this piece together with a taste of my own love affair with life. From many different perspectives and state of beingness. Finally, it feels nice. 😊

I came to understand why it is said “Fall in Love” – because it’s true. I have fallen in love, too many times, instead of staying in love, binge in love, rising in love and most importantly, staying there – permanently. It’s ok, I accept my shortcomings and I have learned my lesson… (6th August 2022)

Roller-Coaster Ride

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Life can be quite a roller-coaster ride at times.
All the hormones and emotions that get stirred up, when we bump into someone can leave us feel quite unsettled. Sounds familiar?

I don’t have many secrets and I try to let go of unnecessary thoughts as fast as I can. I prefer to live with my heart, to flow, as much as possible. Of course I use my brilliant god given mind, I’d be a fool not to.

BUT!

To live is to live with our hearts. And to think is to think with our minds. 

Train wreck alert… beep, beep, beep

I’ve been saved by the grace before doing anything stupid I would later regret many, many times.

Ever done that, been there?

Consequences of any sudden decisions we make (non-life-threatening situations that is) fueled by charging hormones and rampant emotions can have substantial effects on our lives and the lives of those around us. Happens at work, in relationships, marriages, families, business affairs, and we all have certain share of responsibilities. Word of caution, be careful, and stay alert. Castles you took decades to build can vanish overnight.

Especially when you’re on the cusp of some pivotal breakthrough, nature will pull out all the tricks of her trade she has mastered to perfection, only to suck you right back into her perpetual game. But even nature is kind. Nature respects the wisdom of ages, abides by our free will. So, no worries, you’re fine. I’m fine.

I know that quite well; I have tasted her game.

Here’s an example. Imagine being a trader, managing a portfolio worth a few millions of dollars. Then one morning you get carried away, because you got into a pickle and became a bit of an emotional wreck the previous night. You fall out of the flow and puffff… wrong choice, most of it gone. In a split second. That stash can never come back. It might have taken you years to get there and it will take years to build it up from the scratch again, hoping you haven’t been totally squashed by guilt, disappointment, and most powerful of them all – mighty fear.  However hollow it may appear – in those situations, fear is as real, as real can be.

I’m glad I’ve always followed my heart, took a leap of faith and had a few light-hearted butt crazy adventures in life, before I was ready to take on more responsibilities with stronger ripple effects. I would never have learned a lesson have I not been a bit crazy.

That’s only because I trusted my heart, I trusted life. Some may disagree, perceive a few things I’ve done to be slightly irresponsible and foolish. That’s true as well. At the same time, it was an important and empowering lesson. Without them, I wouldn’t have learned and realized what I have. All past, present and future adventures are part of my journey and help me regain my clarity, trust, and strengthen my courage.

I could say so much more, but I have to brace myself at times. It can easily become too much. Sometimes less is more. And just because I can, it doesn’t mean I have to. I have a choice. And that’s a great place to be.

Blowing Air Bubbles

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I blinked the other morning when I read the following quote below. I am quite amazed by the persistence of this hopefully soon disappearing thought. I don’t see it fit for the emerging paradigm.

“Distance yourself from people who make you feel bad about yourself.”

How about we pause and wonder a bit around this quote, only to realize that no one else on this heavenly Earth can actually make you feel bad about yourself but yourself. Simply because there’s no one to blame, and it’s nobody’s fault.

How about we dig a tiny bit deeper, find out why we feel bad about ourselves and stop feeding those hungry ghosts? This way, step by step, we start dropping the unnecessary victim mentality.
You know, the one that makes me wanna hide and shy away from people, always running away even before I give someone a chance.

Wouldn’t that be nice for a change?

When digging deeper I asked myself a question. From where do these hungry ghosts come from in the first place. Why are they so persistent?

Most of our behavioral patterns originate in our childhood. When we’re children our minds resemble a blank canvas. We come to this world with the most innocent empty mind. However, before we can resume to that blankness again, nature takes it’s own course.

When we are born, each of us gets placed in a certain environment, which is defined by a particular culture, different belief systems, ways of thinking, attitudes, etc. Combination of all these influences form our personality (i.e., ego) – an expression of who we come to be in this world.

Growing up, we are surrounded by people, who can easily transfer and imprint their ways of thinking and attitudes that shaped their personality. Part of that personality can include the following attitude:

“you make me feel bad about myself“.

Unfortunately, people we grow up with, aren’t always the lucky ones who get free from that attitude (and many other attitudes).

Every attitude begins its journey as a thought. Thoughts are very persistent little buggers – I see them as this living entities that fill up the mind space and children pick them up easily, being so absorbent, like sponges. Thoughts are very innocent, like those air bubbles you see in the image above. It’s all about what we make out of them when applied in every day’s life; when they morph into attitudes.

As a child I didn’t have the required awareness to choose which thoughts to accept and nurture and which not. Grown-ups, siblings; they could easily pass on the “you make me feel bad about myself” attitude, which was accompanied with an emotional charge. For example, when my playful brothers kept on telling me I was stupid, and ugly, just to annoy me, to make me jump & react. And react I did. I could feel the attitude forming, but I didn’t quite understand what was happening. I did not know that if I continue responding to similar events with such strong emotional reaction, it will become a big deal over time.

There are many events in daily life that have the potential to disturb my inner peace; once the pattern is formed, it doesn’t have to come through my brothers. When triggered over and over again, this attitude starts gaining power and can easily throw me off balance. There is no amount of physical distancing that can help in this situations, because the blame game hungry ghost lives inside me, waiting for the opportunity to be fed again. This can easily lead towards formation of an addiction to such situations, consciously or subconsciously we start craving the game. Hence the hungry ghost analogy.

These days, I’m wise enough not to play this game again. I know that it’s me who puts myself in a diminishing position if I start believing it was you who made me feel bad about myself. I start acting like a victim, blaming you and turning you into a perpetrator. This induces fear, pain, anxiety and lots of discomfort when being with people. The whole spiel is unnecessary and easily avoidable once I recognize this pattern of behavior. When I accept all the stories and pain I have experienced in the past, with love and compassion, and drop any resulting anger, hate, or resentments towards people I thought might have caused this pain, I start healing. When deeply inside I start feeling good about myself, everything else looses its grip and the ghosts vanish.

I realized it’s my responsibility to start recognizing my own perceptions about myself and the world I live in. An example of me, myself, and I; self-centeredness well applied without boosting my ego. 🙃

I wanted to help that child inside me to break free from the unnecessary victimhood spiral. To integrate the fragmented part of the self – that particular line that was once an empty part of the canvas. To set that thought free. It was the only way I could help that innocent child in me grow up and join me on this wonderful journey called life. 

The story presented above is only one of many examples that play out in our lives. You grasp one, and eventually you have the ability to grasp them all.

If you observe carefully enough you will start noticing this narrative everywhere, in children’s stories, books, novels, TV shows & movies, so choose wisely what you buy into. I’m glad for this quote popping up the other morning. Gives me a chance to play my favorite game – bouncing off thoughts and blowing air bubbles. 🔮 🤗

Addition (11 March 2022)

The points I have made above are valid. However, there are many people in this world who are not aware of the above mentioned behavioral patterns. Many are not yet able and ready to accept it.
If you are aware, just remember to be kind to people you interact with. Be mindful, so that your words and actions don’t deliberately trigger the response of “someone feeling bad about themselves just because of what you said or did.” If you can, try to avoid it. The responsibility of those who are aware, is to have compassion, to be kind to, and patient with those who may not yet know. We’re all on the same journey, it’s just a matter of time when we all reach that same point of realization. Om

The Essence of Rose

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Boy and the rose

How about if I simply fall in love, and drop the uncertainty.

I accept the unknown, for nothing in life remains certain. Apart from the trap of thinking there is such a thing as certainty, hence paying the price for disturbed inner peace.

Love is a state of being, not doing. We are beings of love. Lifelong lovers of life itself.

Why then, oh mind, why do you fear? There is nothing to be grasped, hence nothing to lose. Love transcends all limitations. Oh, dear beloved mind, you too are loved. Don’t fret, be free from this vicious circle of misery.

When you smell a rose, your thoughts disappear. Your beingness becomes fully engrossed in the sensory experience that opens the door to divine essence of the rose. Yes, my dearest one, that melting is what it’s all about. The moment out of time when you whiffed your own essence.

Nothing to take away, yet everything there. That split moment of emptiness filled with overspilling awareness. Let that moment be your anchor, your shining light, when all sorts of worldly events try to lure you away.

Trust life,

Trust the unknown.
Drop all expectations.

Let the story unfold on its own.

Allow the heavenly rose to show you the way.

Let kindness be your compass, leading the way,
through twists and turns, in every night and day.

An open mind, a heart that’s soft and true,
with a strong spine to bear what life asks of you.

I am a wanderer, belonging to none,
Roaming the earth under the radiant sun.
No worldly possessions tie me down,
unbound and unchained I’m found.


Yet, in the depths of my soul, I hear the call,
a whisper of love that echoes through it all.
I am an extension of your love divine,
a reflection of the light that in you shines.
For you are the universe, expanding and bright,
a starburst of love in the darkest night.
And in the infinite expansion of your heart,
I find my home.

From hereon out my story begins.

A long-time coming Comeback…

Posted in Chapter 1, Year 2022Tagged , , , , , , , Leave a comment

My passion for writing re-emerged after I came back from the workshop I attended in Costa Rica in February 2022.

There’s been a few posts I shared back in 2012, but nothing consistent or continuous. It’s taken a long time to get where I am today.

Storytelling & sharing has always been an important part of every community. It is how people connected to each other, how they passed on their experiences, knowledge, wisdom. It is how they learned from one another and showed their appreciation and respect for fellow members of community. Through music, stories, communal activities, song, dance. I’d like to honor and continue that tradition in the ways I can – through a written word.   

Over the past decade I lived a quiet, inward focused life style. I lived in London UK, Mexico, the US, Canada. I traveled a lot, moved frequently, completed my Master’s degree, progressed professionally, lived an interesting life.

Looking retrospectively, it seems like the main purpose of the past 10 years was finding stability in my life. In my pursuit of better understand who I am, I dedicated my time and efforts towards various spiritual practices, yoga, and meditation.

In October 2021, a dear friend, Kathy, told me about Gabor Mate and his work on trauma. I started reading and listening to whatever was available online. I signed up for the Wisdom in Trauma online course, and the course offered in Blue Spirit in Costa Rica in the beginning of February 2022. All that helped unleash the final few obstacles I never knew I was being confined by.

Many of us can spend a life time struggling, pursuing various spiritual practices, hoping that’s the only way we can free ourselves. We can try very hard, and it still isn’t enough to break through, to be able to live a more authentic, free-flowing, stable life.

For me, meditation and yoga didn’t seem to be enough. Mainly because I had no awareness about my childhood trauma, the scars it has left on my cellular levels with all its consequences that play out in daily life. Starting to learn about trauma, acknowledging my experiences, healing trauma, I have gone through a series of small breakthroughs and that feels very liberating.

I’m glad more people are talking about trauma. It is becoming less of a stigma; people are realizing the impacts of trauma, they are becoming curious, less afraid to start exploring their childhood related experiences and how that might manifest in their lives. I see it as the beginning of a journey when we finally embrace all the memories and association we have stored, start healing ourselves, and finally letting go. Making this world a better place for us, the ones around us, the environment, and the generations to come.    May this new chapter begin and may I be able to write and share stories that are of value to my dear fellow travelers.

ॐ