Category: Chapter 3

Sunyata – Emptiness

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Rationally, we all know and understand that not all things in life carry equal weight and importance.  

Yet, when we zoom in – we behave like emotional bin bags – we easily get sidetracked, depending on different life situations. We do that entirely by ourselves to ourselves. Sure, the stimulus comes from the outside, but it’s us who receive it, process it, and act or react upon it.

You think, you believe, you convince yourself that you like something – and that this ‘something’ you like is good for you.

Yet, when we’re not very conscious about the choices we make, most of the things we like are actually not that good for us.

Reflect upon it for a moment. You go crazy after ice-cream, chocolate, cookies, pizzas, burgers, fries. You forget how many hours have passed since you plugged into Netflix. You start popping cannabis gummies day in day out, staying up late at night. You get accustomed behaving in a certain way, staying in a relationship that doesn’t serve anyone well. You go on a spending spree, buying things you don’t really need.

I’m not saying ice-cream is bad, full stop – as long as you’re aware, conscious of your choices, you’re fine. When you manage to do, whatever it is that you do in moderation, it’s ok. But can you? Can you brace yourself from ‘just a bit more, a bit longer, one more bite, one more try, a bit faster’, and say no thanks, I had enough.

What is good for you? How do you know? Have you learned by now, what supports you in life and what not?

All the stories that you accept or create, they dwell and operate inside your head, inside your mind. It’s all in there – already thought of by billions of minds at any given second, over eons of time.

Make sure to differentiate and know what goes in and on inside your mind! Who is thinking those thoughts, what you are thinking about, and above all, what do you do about those thoughts. The way you choose to churn them out. Learn to watch, to hold the pause, to reflect, not to react, to have that conversation with yourself, learn to respond.

There’s all that and there is the void.

Your own void that you keep on feeding with all sorts of information, thoughts, beliefs, hopes that can suddenly come to an end. You know what it feels like, when you lose someone precious in life, and only realize what you’ve had when they’re gone? That moment in life you feel the emptiness that was not there before. At first, the emptiness feels unknown. It was absent for a while – hence you became unaccustomed to what living with emptiness feels like.

Emptiness feels vast, grand, magnificent, scary, unknown, uncomfortable, unpredictable.

Emptiness prefers to remain as it is. A black hole into which all matter disappears, out of which new life is born. The void has to remain void.

Yet, we try our best to fill it up, to cover it up so we can avoid facing the void – we a+void witnessing our own origin.

Try not to continue with endless ‘must fill it up with noise and activities’ – because that hunger never ends. You’ll get sidetracked; your focus will easily get consumed, absorbed by the traffic you continue creating – by yourself. It’s how we forget the reason why we have chosen to come here in the first place.

It’s OK to feel uncomfortable with the unknown.

Empty the mind,
empty your heart,
whatever comes,
let it come,
whatever goes,
let it go.

Don’t try to hold on to anything – in fact – accept that you can’t hold on to anything, not even your life. Life experiences will present you exactly what you need, when you need it in the most perfect, synchronous way. Magic happens every day, be rest assure of that. This is not about being passive; on the contrary, one has to stay constantly aware in order to respond to what life presents and do the best they can. Stay soft, perceptive, attentive, so you can move swiftly. Like the weeping willow’s branches swaying in the wind. Dancing to the music, ever so gracefully, without resistance, yet, filled with stability and inner force. Knowing that your trunk – your spine is solid and your roots – your origin runs deep.

Two beautiful, graceful weeping willows. Its branches drooping over the lake of lilies.

“Be Water, My Friend.
Empty your mind.
Be formless, shapeless, like water.
You put water into a cup, it becomes the cup.
You put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle. (Bruce Lee)‘

History repeats itself; it’s happening all the time, most of it has already happened before – hence, learn to become an observer, a watcher. Learn to step out of the repetitive cycle. Learn to see the life events, people, their intentions for what they are – not for what you want them, like them or even fear them to be.

From that standpoint make a conscious decision of what you want next – based on your needs, wants, heartfelt desires that are supportive of your life journey and don’t harm others. Remain cool like a cucumber. Like a seasoned gambler: ‘you gotta know when to hold’em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away and know when to run! You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table. There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.’ (The Gambler, Kenny Rogers)

My life experiences have brought me here, where I am right now. Your life experiences have brought you here, where you are, right now. Present, switched on, and fully aware. And thus we stand. Here we meet, we share what we can share. Plenty of human experiences, passing thoughts, knowing who we are, heart full of gratitude, peace of mind, soul strength, sense of freedom. One step, one breath, one heartbeat at a time. Fullness and the void. There is more that connects us than what sets us apart. Yes… I do like that thought.  

Everything is as it is – perfect or imperfectly perfect. Including the vast, expanding emptiness that stretches my limited understanding of what it means to be perfectly at peace & free.

‘Sunyata’

It’s okay to feel uncomfortable with the unknown.

Empty the mind,
empty your heart.
Whatever comes,
let it come.
Whatever goes,
let it go.

“Be Water, My Friend.
Empty your mind.
Be formless, shapeless, like water.
You put water into a cup, it becomes the cup.
You put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle.”
-Bruce Lee

‘Sunyata’

Emptiness – bubble bursts into thin air.
The sound arises from the void,
the self emerges out of the hollow,
The self returns into nothingness.

There is a space in my heart that connects me to emptiness,
to remind me of all that I am and all that I am not.

With that in mind, I begin reclaiming my soul power.
Without it, I am not.
I draw my inspiration out of nothingness.
My love emerges from emptiness.
It comes and goes back to where it begun.

We come on behalf of emptiness,
We disappear on behalf of blankness.
Emptiness occupies the space when we are not yet and no longer here.
Unknowable, unpredictable… I sense the unease.
Beautiful, enriching, soul-nourishing emptiness.
I know you, I honor you, your grandiose emptiness.

Sunyata

Synchronicity

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Dolphins

It’s been a few days since I’ve had an inspiration to write something new. Today it came. Thanks to PW 50: ‘What is my relationship with synchronicity and what do I imagine is possible when I bring more awareness to the role it plays in my life?‘

‘For me, synchronicity is all about perfect harmony, matching movements, sounds that are totally in tune, aligned frequencies, umami tastes, moments when your heart is open, overflowing with love, joy, and trust. Things happen, I meet people I was supposed to meet, I end up in places I was meant to be – timing is impeccable.

Synchronicity is powerful, mesmerizing, it draws in, it attracts. For example, if we all started breathing following the same rhythm we would create a flow and become part of that same flow we created.

Just imagine watching 50 Irish dancers on the stage, tapping their feet at the same time, totally in tune. Or listening to a choir of 30 people singing a song, their voices joint, blended as one. How about the orchestra and all the instruments playing the same beautiful melody?

What about nature?
Watching, listening to the river can be incredibly soothing. All the water is moving towards the same direction, singing the same song, each drop of water is absolutely aligned.

Have you ever watched a flock of birds flying in the sky – or a murmuration of starlings? Hundreds and hundreds of birds flying as one, every single bird perfectly aligned. What an incredible performance!

What about two or more people brainstorming, coming up with great ideas, their frequencies matching, bubbling, in sync with one another, in their thoughts, intentions, working together, being part of the same flow

Synchronicity is all around us – we just need to pause, pay attention, and recognize it.

Take a look at your wonderful body, the movement of your legs and arms as you walk, when you run. It wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t in sync, not in a million years.’

Synchronicity brought me synchronicity itself. How much more in sync could I get?

Working through the 20 PrivateWork prompts has revealed a number of insights. It was a much needed exercise of confirmation. Now that I’m in that flow I want to capture every drop of it. Squeeze it out, here, on a paper, so every time I need to recollect and realign myself, all I need to do is refer to this moment. Come back to these words – to the space that binds these synchronistically infused thoughts. The empty, silent space out of which the flow emerges and carries on. To me, living words are the most beautiful art & science of magic that gets captured in a very special way, but not really captured because it remains free – always.

The words I read carry the powerful fragrance that is strong enough to bring me back to this moment when I digress. We all digress from time to time and that’s ok. We all wobble in life. Life is a challenging affair – we are constantly dealing with thoughts, information, never ending stories upon stories, emotions, we continue storing gigabytes of memory.

As if nature, the most brilliant architect I have ever come across, has engineered this game that seems to have no end, unless you take charge, unless you awaken, become more aware and start working, tirelessly. Until you expand your pause between the stimulus and your response, not allowing to continue reacting – re+acting. Have you ever thought of this word – it’s genius. It holds the meaning of itself – continuously repeating the same old act. We all react – until we don’t.

Instead of reacting, all we need to do is learn to introduce the pause – we have to master the art of expanding the length of the mighty pause, so we can allow the clarity to arrive – we enter the flow and we gain the ability to respond.

Relationship with myself and others is about being in sync with each other. When you’re in sync with your self you can be in sync with anyone. Even when they are not. Therefore it is my responsibility – it starts with me. Responsibility – ability to respond. Either I choose to bring harmony, peace of mind to this world or I choose not to. Hence, we all seek activities that help us realign with ourselves – and that’s a good, useful approach. For me it’s swimming, yoga, writing, meditation, dancing, being in nature, listening to particular music, horse riding, churning mugs on a potter’s wheel. For you it can be something else – find out what that is, because it’s more important than you think.

Synchronicity is a state of pure bliss – Ananda – no friction, no fear, no resistance, no control, no doubt. Responding while having trust, complete trust in the way you respond to the stimulus that came your way.

Skillfully, gracefully, with a smile, with an open heart. In sync, in tune, at one, in alignment, in the flow… back to oneness with life, back to the Self. Like a river, like gazillion droplets of water, all flowing towards the Ocean. Like a dancer becoming merging with music. Like your heartbeat, perfectly aligned with yourself, with the universe. Body, mind, and soul, completely in sync.

What an experience – what a beautiful life to be able to live like that. Now that’s what I call a life worth living.

In sync, in harmony, in tune with One Self, hence in sync with everything and everyone else.

Om

Karma – the Law of Cause and Effect

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Cause and effect…

Whatever I think, say, or do causes a ripple effect – it travels onwards. Often times I have no ideas where it ends, if at all. Just imagine how it’s all happening in a perpetual motion – continuously unfolding events based on how we project our thoughts on an individual level and how +9 billion people add up to the flow on a collective level. Can you imagine that?

It works like fractals with endless number of variations and permutations. Mind boggling just trying to imagine.

It’s easy to see actions and how one action leads to another – I smile, you smile back. Or words – I say thanks you, you reply: ‘you’re welcome’.

But what about thoughts? It’s more challenging to see the tireless working of the mind – yet, it’s the busiest area and represents the key to how your fractals dance and how your life unfolds. Tell me how and what you think and I’ll be able to determine the probability of events in your immediate life. But is that all?

What if this is just one of many lives our soul comes wondering through. Surely than there’s a law of cause and effect, so called karma, that spans across more than one lifetime.

The yogic scriptures say karma is universal. They say no-body can ever escape the law of karma, that life unfolds according to our deeds.

Yet sometimes it appears as if that’s not true – seeing some people living a carless, selfish, destructive, damaging life style full of poor habits and they’re still powerful, influential, wealthy, healthy, and look happy.

Could it be that at some point over their lifetimes they have earned a lot of merits? Their account has a great balance and no matter what they do they continue living based on their past life good deeds? If that’s true, I shouldn’t be fooled, because what comes around goes around and the balance keeps on changing. At some point they will probably reach zero sum balance and when that happens, life situation changes – usually suddenly and drastically.

It seems like karmic balance operates according to the most accurate banking principles. None of our balances diminishe or appreciates out of some budgetary interventions, deflation, or inflation. No one can take anything away from you, or meddle with your balance – what you earned is yours to own.

Can we do something to change our karmic balance? I think so. Karmic balance changes all the time. There might be limitations in terms of how much effort and how long it will take to get rid of certain burdens, but we clearly have a free will either to react or to work it out – as long as we’re aware. Between every stimulus and response there is a space of freedom that is always ours to claim – noticing that is awareness.

For example, you’re struggling in your life, you’re stuck and not able to live a reasonably comfortable life fit for 21st century.

The first step is to recognize the area of struggle. This might be related to your poor health condition, you may be experiencing financial struggles, you’re not having the most pleasant family life, difficulties with your job, you attract people that are not nice to you. Basically, you feel stuck in one area or another.

What’s the second step?

The second step is to acknowledge your dissatisfactions – things that cause irritation. For example, you have an issue with your shoulder and it’s painful. You may struggle with money and it’s causing your worries. You may have a shitty relationship with your manager and find it challenging being in their presence.   

Step number three is to accept it – fully, in your mind and heart. I accept the pain that causes irritation, I accept my financial situation and my worries, I accept that it’s challenging for me to be around my manager.

Fourth step is to shower your love, all your blessings and attention into areas where you experience such imbalance. Sending and feeling love and kindness are your two most powerful allies that will eat up your karmic debt if you persistently and consistently repeat it. Along with gratitude for having been given this chance. How fast? It all depends on how much balance you have on your account and how uninterrupted is your flow.

Yes, there is step five. It’s called action. You may have to do something about it – change your job, undergo an operation, you may have to show your acceptance through some actions and change your behavior. But that alone is not enough to fix the issue that got you where you are in the first place – there has to be recognition, acceptance, genuine letting go, infused with gratitude, and lots of love and kindness.

Sometimes it may be your task to clear up generations old karma – it’s not an easy task, you may often find asking yourself, why me? Why not my brother or sister? Why me? It could well be because you are capable for completing such task.

Human beings – on a physical level we all look similar, however, on a soul level we may be completely different. Soul journeys can span across tens, hundreds or thousands of lifetimes. Rarely will the individual in this life time remember the journey of their soul through those lifetimes. Yet, you may feel as if you are an old soul – you are even able to recognize one, wondering: ‘are you sure we have not met before?’ This has happened quite often to me.

There may even be familiarities you notice, as if you have done certain things in life already, even if you haven’t. The learning of a particular craft comes very easy to you – feels like second nature. You can effortlessly understand math, you are naturally talented in arts, music, languages, etc. You can sit in-front of the potter’s wheel for the very first time and spin up a perfect mug in a first go.

Not everything is a coincidence in life. Certain people you meet were supposed to cross your path. Some stay for a short time, some linger longer, a few stay for a life time.

There may be times when you don’t understand why life has put you together with ‘certain’ people you find extremely difficult to be around. Well, as long as there is any outstanding balance on your accounts you will continue experiencing a particular lesson that always finds a way to trigger your reaction – until it doesn’t. At some point you will be free to choose how to respond – only you will know when you reach that moment. At that moment you will realize that between every stimulus and your response, there is a space of freedom that is always yours to claim. You became more aware.

Parents, siblings, relatives, partners, their family, friends, colleagues, rivals, competitors, students, teachers, children – we are all gathered here to learn, to grow, to become free.

In my own space and silent time, I had often wondered why have I been such a restless soul – moving countries, continents, homes, jobs, leaving behind my family, many beautiful people and friends I have met along the way.

Let’s just say I had plenty of outstanding balances from the past – my soul would not let me rest until I settled my bills. I learned that meditation helps, but that’s not enough. I had to go through various experiences in life to learn my lessons, to pay my debts – either to individuals, whole generations, or countries – serving until I was free to choose, to move on. It often felt like a burden, I did not understand why. Sometimes it felt like being locked in a prison, even though it did not appear so from the outside.  

Either I was not fully aware, not unwilling to accept, or not yet allowed to understand. I don’t know, but I know I wasn’t free until I settled my bills. Looking retrospectively, I can assure you – there is no free lunch in life.

Some way or another you have already paid for it or you still will. So, choose wisely, when you can.

There’s one tricky part in this whole equation and a note I must add. When particular karma is over and you’re free to choose – your old habits, behaviors, and belief systems you have built out of your ‘karmic limitations’ may still be there and very much alive. Make note of that – there will be some work required to clear that up, so you can properly be free to choose how you wish to respond and live your life going forward, else you will end up creating more karma.

For example, it was my karma to be born into a particular family constellation I was born to. I was able to free myself from its grip at some point in life. After that came a more challenging task and that’s been all on me – I have to free myself from all the conditioning I have developed during that time in that particular environment and leave the past burdens behind. If I don’t, if I choose to continue behaving in the same old conditioned way – out of fear, resentment, lack of trust, anger, etc. I will be increasing my karmic account balance and I will be forced into the repetitive cycle once again – no choice. That’s how history repeats itself – it’s a genius creation of a perpetual cause and effect flow with a never-ending story.

Recent events in my life have revealed much truth to me – how acceptance, gratitude, love and kindness lead to more freedom. Everything that happens in life is an opportunity for us to break free from some sort of clutches that have most likely been self-inflicted at some point of our soul’s journey.

I rarely see my life from this perspective, but what are the odds of a girl born and bred under the Alps, infused with Slavic, Italian, Austrian, and Balkan culture, to end up living in the north east of American continent with her best buddy from the southern part of India. Both from completely different locations, family backgrounds, unalike in appearance, personality, traits, habits, culture, yet very similar in ways impossible to explain.

Why did life bring such two different worlds together that would otherwise have never met? Out of where did such combination occur? What are the probabilities, can anyone explain?

Yet, so much learning has happened in the past 12 years and particularly over the recent 3 months – I wouldn’t even know where to begin. Let’s just say I was finally able to accept my Indian family, the culture I once opposed and rejected. I feel very grateful for the opportunity I was given in this lifetime. It feels deeply liberating when the burden of constant irritation is gone, when ego stops complaining, fighting, resenting, judging, not accepting, feeling insecure, not trusting, and when I am finally able to see all the beauty and blessings life has stored for me.

This too is called karma – stuff – so much stuff. Some stuff feels burdensome, some is full of Ananda – bliss, joy.

And here I am. Reflecting, pondering, following my thread of thoughts, putting it down with my favorite silver pen, with a conducive golden nib, and the most beautiful blue green ink with golden glitters.

Thank you life, for all the precious gifts I am able to receive.

Om

Background: This piece of writing started off by me experiencing an overwhelming sense of anxiety in the early morning hours. It was the calling of my thoughts, the invitation to let them go, to let out this story that was throbbing under my skin, causing me to feel how I felt. It all feels good after I spill out the ink. It works for me.

‘Divided I Don’t Care’ vs ‘United I Care’

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Two voices speak through the land that was once called the land of opportunities…

I care and I don’t care. Let’s call the voice I care – Carry and the voice I don’t care – Donny. Let’s give both characters a voice while we, the readers remain observers, not taking sides until the story comes to an end.

Let’s give it a go…

Donny: “The most frequent statement in our former president’s speeches was ‘I don’t care.’ If the leader of my country, the most powerful man in the world thinks, feels, and does according to the guiding principle of ‘I don’t care’, why should I? He represents the epitome of success by all standards defined in any school textbook. Power, success, prestige, money, position. That is what I aspire to become, to be! I will do as I will, my way or highway, success above anything. I will use any means to reach my desired end!”

Carry: “I do care. I don’t mind if the leader of my country thinks, feels, and does according to ‘I don’t care’ principle. To me, he represents an example, more powerful than any school textbook that has ever been written before. He reminds us that we always have a choice, no matter how powerful we become. The only way to remain united is when we care, ‘we don’t care’ attitude leads to division.  We care for ourselves, our own well-being, for one another, we care for our neighbors, friends, family, and strangers. Every action counts. We are all guests on this planet earth, we can never become the hosts. We come and we go.”

Donny: “Why would I care? I am the center of attention! It is me who decides what is good for me and you. I am the deal maker. Reaching my goal is my ultimate happiness. My genius mind will find a way, any loophole in the system to push through. I will use any means possible to reach the end, I will employ the smartest people to help, make them my allies, and share with them the slice of my pie they won’t be able to resist. Everybody can be bought, don’t be fooled in any other way. I just need to find your weakest spot and I will get you like the spider catches a fly. Needed be, I will seduce, hunt, lie, manipulate. I will even induce fear and create chaos to assert my power and reinforce control.”

Carry: “Everything in life is interconnected. Every action has at least one reaction and carries a ripple effect further than your thoughts can reach. The choices you make matter. What happens when I generate inner peace, compassion, generosity towards my fellow beings? What happens when I become considerate towards others – human and non-human? What happens when I choose to make decisions from the place of unity within? I’m well off, the others are taken care of, nature doesn’t suffer, children have a better future. I choose to protect nature; I am not driven by the short-term financial gains that will impoverish humanity in the longer term. There are woodlands, ecosystems that took thousands of years to establish – I have a heart, I have a moral obligation towards future generations to protect all the animals that live in that forest, all the medicine that is yet to be discovered, the intelligence of nature we have not yet been able to tap in, learn from, all the solutions that are yet to be revealed.”

Donny: “I swear by my mantra ‘I don’t care’ and I don’t care what you think or say because I don’t care. Life is all about competition, I have to succeed, I have to be better, faster, taller, more beautiful, wealthier, and smarter than my colleagues. For all I know, you could be my threat, my obstacle towards my fastest route to success. If I let you be and do your things it may impede my fast track towards my triumph. I have more rights than you do, my forefathers have worked hard to build this country into what it is today. I have the right to complain, to moan, and squander your joy if that’s what it takes to bring you down and give me satisfaction and fuel to reach my next stepping stone. Nature – piff, paff, puff.”   

Carry: “I have a different definition of material prosperity and I am not poor. All my needs are met and beyond. The magnitude of my prosperity comes from how much I care about others. It’s defined by the expansion of my heart. My heart is big enough to embrace anyone who comes my way. I look up to people; from what little I know; everyone could be my teacher. The enigma called America affords maximum freedom to everyone, it is the land of equal opportunities for all its fellow citizens.

Being a citizen of this land means I have an all-encompassing heart that accepts everyone and gives everyone space to thrive, to be. There was a time in my life when I didn’t know much, yet thanks to those who could see beyond my temporary limitations, when I was slow, not perfect I was given space and time to grow into what I am today. Imperfectly perfect, happy to serve, to support others on their way towards their success. Unity and freedom is what gives strength, prosperity, and glory our nation was revered once upon a golden time.”

Donny: “I don’t care, and I don’t understand what you’re saying. For me it’s all about survival of the fittest”.

Carry: “That’s ok. I care. I care with all my heart. Love conquers all – it’s a quality of heart that goes beyond understanding. We all project our own reality – we create it every day. What you feel, you think, you do is your reality. What I think, I feel, I do, is my reality.

Many centuries ago, it was the greedy habit of the ego that took over this continent. Thanksgiving happened in 1789 – we became more accepting, grateful, welcoming. A few decades ago, we again entered the cycle of poor habits. The sign waves continue and history repeats. This too shall change. The cycle can be broken not by opposing or fighting it, but by stepping out and watching it. As within so without.

It applies to every ant, every human being, everything divine or less divine. Everyone has a choice, every single moment defines our reality, and the reality of each and every one of us defines the collective reality. So is, what is. No shame, no blame, no judgment. You and me, we both exist, we both look similar, yet our levels of awareness differs. I care and you don’t. Life is a journey, and there is to say.”

Four colorful hearts on the top. Text under: A beautiful heart will bring things into your life that all the money in the world couldn't get you.

…what have I learned from this story? Watching two distinct perspectives on life one can choose to operate from? When one is able to choose.

Life is not about perfection; it’s about caring for each other. Mother nature is brilliant not because she is brilliant in what she does, but because she wants what is best for her children – her actions speak louder than our words. She demonstrates tirelessly through an act of selfless serving, giving herself up for everyone to succeed, to be free. Allowing freedom and space to learn, to be, even when sometimes at her own expense. To both, those who care and those who don’t – well, perhaps not quite yet.

The Watchers and the Mood Swingers

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The world appears before your eyes; therefore, it mostly appears depending on how we perceive it, not how it truly is.

If only we were able to see the world as it is, however, it never seems to be that simple. In addition, our perception changes frequently, depending on our changing moods.

I’d like to invite you to start contemplating your moods. Why? Because they define your reality – it is not only emotions that do it – it is the very container that holds your emotions that defines it even more – your underlying moods. Moods matter more than you can imagine, yet, they are seldom mentioned and spoken about.

What to do when you find ourselves seeing your life as bleak, unfair, hostile, boring, unpleasant, unfulfilling, unhappy, etc.?

STEP 1

The very first, most simple and readily accessible tool we all have on our disposal is the observer – the watcher. You are that observer, the watcher!

We observe, we watch the world around us all the waking time of our days. Mostly we watch the outside world, happenings around us, news feeds on our mobile phones, screens, people around us, weather conditions, colors, cars, changes, etc.

The question is, how much of your day do you dedicate watching what goes on inside you?

Do you ever observe what your body is doing? For example, when you go for a walk, you sit down, you drive your car, type a message – do you ever observe your breath, do you ever notice how your left- or right-hand moves, how your legs move, your fingers, how your head turns, neck bends, how your eyes go from left to right? Well, perhaps when you go for a yoga session to do your asanas – when you are constantly reminded to be fully aware. But what if yoga asanas became more integrated as part of your daily life and you become the watcher?

This kind of observation can happen in parallel to watching the outside world – it will not compromise your ability to see or for you to become less productive – on the contrary, it will make you more aloof, more in the body. You will operate in a more grounded way – from a place where you are coming from to face the world around you.

Now, this is the easiest, entry point of the 4 steps of the watcher that you’re going to learn about in this post.

Being in the body, being aware of your body and what it does is the first step of strengthening your watcher.

STEP 2

Next step, an important step is to start watching your thoughts – as you brush your teeth, jog, swim, eat your food, or put your clothes on – what are you thinking about? Now this may be a bit trickier – but doable. If you have started watching your body and have done it a few times you have already began training your mind to become more attentive, responsive to your command.

It’s a bit like training your puppy – if you ever had one, you will know that it takes a great deal of patience and repetition, but it works and it makes life much more pleasant and enjoyable. Same applies to our thoughts.

Once in a while, try and catch your thoughts – find out what you are thinking about when you catch yourself off guard. You can even use your phone alarm – set a random reminder that pops up like “Sherlock Holmes or Hercules Poirot Time”. Make it a fun game you play with yourself. 😊

STEP 3

Once you have built up enough observation muscle and can easily catch & watch your thoughts arising and passing away, you can up your game to a new level and start watching your feelings – your emotions. Just watching – never judging. Remember, no one likes to be judged – this includes you judging yourself. If you notice being sad – ok – simply say to yourself – I see sadness, this too shall pass. Same with happiness, joy, trust, fear, surprise, disgust, anger, anticipation, etc.

The rule of the game is to remain the watcher of the game. It’s like, when you watch the NBA game – you are not allowed to play in the court, but you are welcome to watch.

So, like this, you start watching your game of feelings, emotions and start recognizing your own NBA players, your rising and falling stars, lead guards, shooters, defenders, highest achievers. You start watching which of them lead the game, lead in the score – is it joy, lust, fear, or anger?

Try watching without aversion or attachment – if you can, try to remain impartial. When emotions arise and peak you don’t want confrontations because it usually backfires. This includes judgement, scolding, shaming, blaming yourself. It ends up adding fuel to the fire, it strengthens the emotions and weakens the watcher. You want to strengthen the watcher instead.

As soon as you enter the field of your emotions as a peaceful watcher, you have already done your job.

For example, if emotions were characters in a story, they would feel like we felt when we were little kids playing in a kindergarten.  When left on our own, behind closed doors, without anyone watching, we eventually started shouting, fighting for different toys, pinching each other. Than, all of a sudden, the door opened and in came the teacher – completely composed and quiet. Merely by their appearance and presence the whole room came to a still. No more fighting, no more shouting and causing havoc – the pleasant play resumed.

That’s exactly the role of your watcher. The more you practice watching the stronger becomes your presence when you enter your home field. You will be amazed how incredibly empowering it feels once you recognize that force within you. Same like we admired our kinder garden teachers – they all looked like heroes to us when we were little, we all looked up to them. The same principle applies with you being a watcher – and we can all grow up to that level and achieve that strength and position. In fact – some of you might have already become that very teachers you once admired.

STEP 4

Ok – now that you became a proficient watcher of your body, thoughts, and feelings, it’s time to up the game to the ultimate level when you start recognizing the container that holds all the emerging feelings, appearing and disappearing thoughts, and your body motions.

The mighty moods!

Moods are incredibly mysterious, changing, but less volatile than thoughts and feelings and they are longer lasting. Moods define the course of action. They act like music in the background, they set the tone. They either make us sing, jump up and down, put us in a contemplative state, or help us fall asleep. Think about your favorite concert where thousands of people share the same mood. Or, remember going to an event or a party – the mood sets the tone of your state of being and your behavior. It pulls out your emotions and it flavors your thoughts.

Moods are incredibly important – if you make you decision when you’re in an agry or arrogant mood you can damage your reputation, hurt someone, you can end up making very poor choices that you regret later on when your angry mood changes to a more placid, composed one.

Hence it is essential to learn to navigate and set the tone of your own moods and not allow the moods to set the tone for your erratic behavior and reactions. It depends from one person to another, however, if you’re a powerful person with a strong personality it will exacerbate your moods and impact many people, not just your family members and those around you. Consequences depend on the role you represent and play in your life and in this world. It makes a huge difference when you can manage your own moods. Becoming a vigilant watcher sure helps.

When it comes to moods, I think it’s important to point out the correlation between food we eat and our moods.

For example, how do your moods change when you suddenly take a lot of sugar (white, refined sugar, honey, maple syrup, fruits, saturated with sugar, a bag of dry fruits, products with high amount of sugar, unprocessed carbo hydrates like white wheat products and white rice that have a faster release of sugar instead of unrefined grains with gradual, long-term release).

How does that affect your mood? Well, if you don’t burn the excess energy that sugar creates in your body with some sort of physical or mental activity it finds different outlets, which are usually your poor habits. You get all hyped up for the first 15 minutes and then drop down and end up being all cranky. Sugar acts on the same part of the brain as cocaine does – it instantly releases serotonin and dopamine.

Watch it! Observe yourself, your body, your thoughts, your feelings and see what happens when you take excess sugar. Watch a kid, the one that is lively by default – what happens when you give him or her a couple of candies and they get a sugar rush? It changes their mood.  

I suggest you try and go as much sugar free as you can – “sugar free ‘coz you want to be”! Look at sugar more as a medicine that helps you when you feel lethargic or need some energy – just like coffee. Take it as your medicine, don’t let it become a habit.

Note: I’m not a food expert. I simply used sugar as an example, because we can all relate to it and it’s a powerful indicator, having noticed how it affects me and what it does to my moods, my feelings, and thoughts. It has a strong impact and I’m trying my best to remain as composed a possible in life. It serves me much better – that kind of cool, consistent mood or equanimity, hence I am aware of what I eat and how much of what. You are what you eat – though I would refine this statement and say – you become what you eat and the food you eat impact your moods.

For those of you interested to delve deeper into this topic… According to the Yogic tradition there are 3 main imperfections that give birth to the mind:

  • Moha
  • Raga
  • Dwesha

Moha or delusion is the root of illusion, root of all cravings, imagining something that is not – it’s your false imagination, when you start thinking the grass is greener on the other side, or you imagine the other person to be perfect and you are later disappointed. You did not see them for what they were, but for what you wanted to see in them.   

Raga or attraction – you crave things you think will fulfill you, because you think you are not whole already as you are, you consistently look for accomplishment. You think you are small and incomplete.

Dwesha or aversion, resistance – you think you have to keep yourself safe from others and the world, as if there are things outside that will diminish you. Again, you believe and behave as if you are small and incomplete.  Whereas just the opposite is true – you already are perfect and complete.

Moha, Raga and Dwesha produce 6 children, which are the 6 defining roots of our moods. They are:

  • Kama – lust
  • Krodha – anger
  • Lobha – greed
  • Madha – arrogance
  • Moha – delusion that causes illusion
  • Maatsarya – jealousy

Apart from the 3 imperfections there are also 3 elixirs that can help. They don’t produce any children and lead one towards unity. They are:

  • Attraction to the self – longing for Atman, God
  • Grace of existence, universe
  • Revealing potency of the self – the watcher, visibility, clarity

We all have our predominant moods – something that defines our character, what we bring along when we enter the room – some people bring cheer, some heaviness, some are bubbly, witty, grumpy, negative, positive, etc. Modes change throughout the day, from one day to another, as well as through different phases of our lives.

When it comes to moods – you can help set the stage of how you want your day to pan out.

You have total control over many factors that influence your moods. For example:

  • Environment you choose to be in (nature, shopping mall, rural, urban, noisy, quiet)
  • Food you choose to eat
  • Music you listen to, movies you watch  
  • People you hang out with
  • Activities you engage yourself in
  • Roles you choose to play in your life
  • Thoughts you generate, marinate in, emotions you feed and feel

These are just a few I can think of this moment.

For example, I like writing, because it sets me in a particular mood where I start sharing what I have learned in my life, mostly based on my experiences and observation. Writing acts like an outlet for my insights. It puts me in a self-seeking mood. Whatever I have learned and find valuable I like to share; it makes me feel grateful that I can. I like to connect to kind, likeminded people; it makes me content. I choose healthy food, with very little sugar, I like to meditate, do yoga, dance, travel, explore, exercise, keep in motion and good shape and have couple of interesting challenges. It all sets me up for the right kind of mood to help generate pleasant emotions and have conducive thoughts that support my life goals – all of it defines my lifestyle. That’s why I‘m internally motivated to choose what I know is good for me.

Be a watcher, not a mood swinger!

When is the most conducive time of the day to watch your moods? It depends from one person to another – generally speaking, it usually happens during transitions – when you switch from work to home mood, during sunrises, sunsets, while having a quiet lunch or a dinner, going from one activity to another, waking up from sleep, just before falling asleep.

Try it out, see what works for you. The ultimate indicator is your level of inner peace, how content you are with your life, how much energy you have throughout your day and the joy you feel inside – that’s what ultimately leads to happiness in life.

The road can be paved with all sorts of material and the 4 steps presented above are only one of the examples of how you can go about your day, your life. They work for me and if what I have shared adds a stepping stone towards your happiness it’s surely brings happiness to me. Every little bit counts, that’s for sure!

Have a great day. I wish you all the best.  

My Creative Flow

Posted in Chapter 3, Poems, Reflections, Year 2022Tagged , , , , , , Leave a comment
Walking with umbrella

How does it all unfold?
When that which comes, comes;
when that which goes, goes.

When forces fluctuate like fickle weather,
unknown until known,
right before my eyes;
when the sun means warm,
and the storm means wet.

At times I get the urge to grab my favorite pen;
I feel the bubbling story itching to appear.
At times I swipe the Notes app on my phone,
swiftly following my thoughts,
packing them all in before they disappear.

There is no consistency;
The passage of the flow is unforeseen. 
It’s satisfying, to say the least,
by allowing it to flow
and being part of every written row.
How many? I shall never know…

Until the pouring comes to an end
and the weather is no more,
I say thank you
and close my notebook, laptop, or my phone.

I’m willing to walk the trailblazing expedition.
Witnessing such wondrous magnificence,
the scrumptious dance called fractals of fruition.

How, why, when? So many questions.
I have no answers to explain.
And even if I tried,
it often makes no sense to anyone but me—

Each to their own unique ways,
each of us here to find our own
how, why, and when.

You can read as many blogs and books as you may wish,
indulge in stories,
soak in all the podcasts, audios,
take in all the animations, videos…
It’s a nice way to spend your days
and I’m sure it helps achieve a few important goals,
but does it give you what you seek?

You tell me!
Have you found what you’ve been looking for?

Rarely have I found my unique self-expression through other’s stories.
I have picked up a few golden nuggets of wisdom, inspiration,
filled with thoughts, charged up emotions, associations, memories,
lots of learning opportunities, motivations…

Yet I find myself most profoundly resourceful when I put my mind to rest,
when I integrate, fuse within my own “out of time and sacred space.”
The answers bubble up when temperature is ripe,
when I am willing, ready, open to receive;
when I too become a part of this extraordinary, creative flow of life.

Just like the ramble you now read and see,
it’s not so much about the content I hereby submit. 
It’s all about the flow,
so you can hop on,
bounce off,
and off you go.
Do your own thing.

Catch “it” if you can,
and use it well!

Background reflections:

How does writing occur in my case?

I suppose this process or point of entry varies from one writer to another. Lately, my indication has been counterintuitive… at least for me.

My creative flow happens when I get overwhelmed with an incredible sense of boredom; when I’m on the verge of entering another episode of dreading the current reality.

Luckily, I learned to dodge that bullet. All I have to do is take a pen or a keyboard and let the flow do the rest, allowing it to take me for a different kind of spin of my creative endeavors and exciting outpours. I allow myself to become a segway for the passages, the words, the stories knocking on my doors, waiting to unfold.

And that, my friend, is my secret of how I enter my creative flow—the secret that’s not a secret anymore…

So, then next time boredom, irritation, anxiety, sadness, anger, or downward spiraling come to visit, face it with a completely opposite  and the unassailable force of uplifting energy. Whatever works for you—painting, singing, playing an instrument, dancing, chiseling, trading, moving, writing, cooking, gardening, etc.—spin its course, chart your own! Just try it out and let the magic of the flow unfold while you become the vessel for whatever needs to happen as you put your monkey mind to rest.

Have a great day and a splendid life!

@brigitree

The Best Version of Your Self  

Posted in Chapter 3, Year 20222 Comments
Ganesha and candles

Today is a very auspicious day – Ganesh Chaturthi – Ganesh, the one who removes all the obstacles, the bestower of the blessings upon us all – what a beautiful way to celebrate such a benevolent day – Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha.

Man lighting a candle to Ganesha

This morning I read the direction question PW48 my friend Joe (founder of PrivateWork) shared on his FB wall, and somehow, he planted a seed in my thoughts which unfolds like this…

Well, you already are the best in the world in what you do every day – you just have to realize that and know that for sure. You have the biggest power to change the stream of your thoughts, habits, behavior, emotions, and intentions – which all lead to how you manifest your life, every day. No one in this wide world is like you. You are special – like everyone else is special in their unique way. Your unique thought processes, life style, choices you make every day are unlike anyone else’s.

Your DNA – is one of a kind. Being the best is a means to an end, not an end in itself. Else, you’re always chasing something that is not yet and never will be. Have you ever heard of Allan Watts (Music and Life)?

I am the best version of myself the way I am because everything I have done in my past is a culmination of what got me to the place where I am right now. When you do the best you can in every situation life presents to you – to the very best of your abilities, efforts, and beliefs, you already are the best version of your self in the whole wide world. We all have our limitations and we all work within that ever expanding frame – we may be aware of it or not yet. I believe it’s human nature to strive to our best abilities – whatever that may be. Sometimes we get stuck and we need some help, guidance, and encouragement and it’s ok to admit that and ask for help. Being honest to yourself is not a weakness, it’s a sign of strength.

The question is, who am I?

You know who you are when you get to a place in life when you’re content, perfectly at peace with what you do, where you are, what you have, who you are – sure you can notice what others are doing and what they have achieved, get inspired, nudged, but that should not be your compass, your indicator of what it means to be the best. Life is not a competition because the end has already been determined when you were born – there are no exceptions to that rule. As I said before – we are all special and unique in our very own continuously evolving ways – none of us is the same – your capacity to generate what we perceive as success, that defines your best, your potential, your drive, mental capacity, emotional stability, consistency, perseverance, the way you apply your talents, skills, and abilities may be totally different to mine.

The way you choose to live your life is something you have to discover and decide on your own, it’s a process to be fully lived, the best you can. Other people can advise, suggest, encourage you to explore, but only you can know your life’s fullest potential and purpose – and only I know mine. Just like only you know where to scratch yourself when you have an itch – no one else in this world can figure that out. 🤪

You are the best in what you do – there is no one in this world like you – no one that expresses themselves like you. The question is – are you allowing yourself to be the best in what you do every single moment in your life? I believe every action, thought, and word matters.

When you hug someone, when you say hello, good day mate, cheerio, thank you, have an amazing day, when I give you a hand, when I think of you, when I write – am I doing the best I can? Being 100% present, authentic, fully serving you, and not myself or doing it out of some other selfish interest? Am I being the best version of myself in every aspect and area of my life? In all the relationships and situations life has presented to me? That’s my inner compass.

What does it mean to be the best?

The best mother, father, husband, wife, partner, sister, brother, friend, and stranger in the world I can possibly be – to the person I am ‘that’ person to? I think you can give yourself fully only when you know who you are. When at the end of the day you go to sleep with a smile, and you’re are perfectly content, without any regrets, even if you never wake up again.

When I know who I am, I can truly be the best version & expression of myself – in whatever area I choose to express myself – which is just an outcome of what I am. However, if I focus all my attention on the outcome itself, no matter what that goal is – chances are, it may end up being just another outcome – I can get stuck chasing dreams, not living my life.

The whole setup in your life, as it currently is – that is your best opportunity to excel in – be the best in the world in that. Be it in your current work situation or with people in your life – when the setup changes, which always does – simply continue doing & being the best you can. Like this, step by step, you start manifesting your true heart’s desires and outcomes – the highest potential you can reach in this lifetime will happen automatically.

Accept what is, make the best of what is, do your best, and you are the best. Unlike any living soul in this world – you won’t have the need to compare – you will radiate, you will know that, and so will everyone else who comes your way – physically or through the service you offer to others, to the world.

I guess it all boils down to what we call self-confidence. The more self-aware you are, the more confident you become – when self and confidence are in equilibrium – the more you perceive yourself as the best in what you do – by yourself and others. So, check how much of your attention goes towards self-awareness and how much towards trying to impress others.

How much do you crave, and need others’ recognition? That’s an excellent indicator to set you on the path toward focusing more on your self-awareness.

Yet nearly everything in this world is geared towards the opposite way – school recognition, work accomplishment, status in life, the uniformed way of measuring success, social media followers, the number of likes, leader boards. I have a bias here, because IMO the algorithms are lagging behind – it seems more that it’s a quantity vs quality-based approach that defines your success in this day and age. Yet, you may be miles ahead of the masses in what you do, yet it won’t be picked up or recognized. It may be that some people are here in this world to set a direction for the next generation who will truly understand the value of their work. So many great souls we appreciate today, who are considered geniuses were totally misunderstood during their lifetime. Sadly, many of them lived and died in disdain and poverty.

But no matter what their life circumstances were, they all had at least one person who believed in them besides themselves – they continued living their purpose in life – they couldn’t settle for anything else. Nikola Tesla, Edgar Allan Poe, Galileo Galilei, Emily Dickinson, Gregor Johann Mendel, Harriet Tubman, Henry David Thoreau, El Greco, Franz Kafka, John Keates, Oscar Wilde, and Vincent Van Gogh to name just a few – though I don’t wish anyone a life of struggle like theirs. These things are often hard to understand, I don’t have the whole picture, but perhaps suffering and all the struggle was part of their life’s purpose. For example, there would be no ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ written by Viktor Frankl, if it wasn’t for his unimaginable suffering he had to endure and survive.

I know that some people in this world are very much misunderstood and ahead of their time. And many of them do struggle; I suppose it’s all part of the evolution, the way it’s supposed to be – a sacrifice for the rest of us who are yet to realize their message, their wisdom, the beauty they share, their love for mankind – so we too may progress one day. At the end of the day, all of us walk the same path… each of us moving one step at a time – sometimes forwards, sideways, or even a step backwards.

You or I – neither of us were born knowing how to talk, write, walk, run, swim, dream, think. And here I am today – not because other people in life taught me what to think, how to be, how to talk or walk – but because I was encouraged to think, to walk, to be, to talk, to love. I was inspired to pull it all out from within. I learned all the HOWs on my own, I was motivated by the people around me – well, at least some of them, and that was enough to set me off towards where I am today. I’ve always found a conducive environment to be free, to explore, to express myself, to discover, to ask questions – all that lead towards strengthening my confidence, my inner string that connects me to the Self – to God.

Strengthen your connection to the self, and you will be more than okay. You will be the best version of yourself in this world and whatever you do will reflect that. And perhaps you already are, hence you smile. 😊

…and then we come together, to join our forces, to play, to smile, to create, to share our joys – the best of me, the best of you, the best of her, the best of him – the ripple effect reverberates like the waves in the ocean – all of us moving towards the same direction – one guiding force – same large swell that takes your breath away. Oh, what a joy to ride that wave!

Have an amazing day – riding your own chosen wave, again and again!

Brigi

Graceful Flow

Posted in Chapter 3, Poems, Year 20221 Comment
Goddess of gentle strength

Choose wisely, focus fiercely.
Persevere!
Do not give up your dreams.
Have patience.

Move gracefully
like a swan gliding across the moonlit lake,
carried by the gentle breeze,
your beauty a sight to take.

Become one with the flow.
Perform remarkably in your chosen show.

Where your intention goes,
your energy flows,
manifestation shows,
power, abundance, and love grow.

P.S.
Whatever success comes to you in life,
remember to be grateful,
remain humble,
and always share your blessings!

When Lie is a Virtue and Truth is a Sin

Posted in Chapter 3, Year 2022Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Woman and a man, man wearing a mask, woman half mask.

Noble truth and dirty lies? OR Dirty truth and noble lies?

It is not about you telling the truth or uttering lies that reveals who you are.
It is your intention that carries the weight and determines your fate.  

What is the point of your wretched truth you intend to apply,
if your sole intention is to destroy someone’s life,
to squander them, to put them down,
out of rage, revenge, jealousy,  
selfish interest, or some other malice
that is brewing on your mind?

On the other hand, you tell the noble lie to save the lives of many.
With your kindest intention you tell me the lie that stops me from sinking in life.
Mother tells a sweet little lie to sooth her son to sleep.
Father conceals the truth so life does not appear so bleak.

What is your intention when you start playing your game?
Be wise, ask questions before it begins.  

Truth can surely be a sin and a lie can be a virtue.
Hence, it is the intention behind your action that reveals your direction.

When your intentions are pure and come from the heart, there’s nothing to hide, to worry about. From that moment on, love starts to flow.

Choose well, my dear ones, choose to be free! As free & fluid as you can possibly be! 🌊🤍🦋🙏

‘Truth can be a sin and a lie can be a virtue.’

Some people use truth to harm others – their only intention is to damage their so called ‘opponents’. The information they have can be used in a terrible manner – putting the person down, or in trouble, taking revenge. Would you call that a noble act of truth?

It’s the intention that decides the outcome. Hence, truth can be a sin and a lie can surely be a virtue.

Mothers lie to their children to get them to sleep, to persuade them to eat, to dress them, to make them move faster. Fathers sometimes lie to their sons or daughters to conceal how much they are struggling to provide for their family. The intention is out of pure love. To protect, to ensure they get enough sleep, to get properly nourished, to arrive to the rehearsal on time.  

Remember – lie itself is not a sin, it’s the intention that counts and decides the outcome.

Lying can sometimes be a necessary intervention to calm down the energies and achieve what is in one’s best interest. Sometimes you have to learn to trust the person who had to lie to you because you were not yet able to perceive or accept the truth. Revelation of truth had to happen gradually – with time.

Eventually truth had been delivered to you when you were able to accept it and receive it. Some people understand energies and consequences much better than others, hence trust is the paramount. Trust to the extent that goes beyond the notion of trusting the words of the person you trust. Trust in not merely trust – trust is a creative force. When you really trust, life starts unfolding accordingly.   

This is very different to intentional, deceitful lying, purely based on liar’s self-interest.

There’s a thin line that should not be crossed – it happens when lying occurs out of selfish, dirty, mean intention. Petty liars, corrupt politicians, social media deceivers, cheaters, manipulators who want to squeeze you for a dime, precious energy, and time.  

What about relationships? Have you ever been in a relationship when you started picking up subtle clues, and began noticing that you were being fooled – something in the back of your neck perked up, you picked up the vibration between the words that was not congruent with the story you were told. When you are attentive enough to observe, you learn how to read the body language, you can easily pick up the clues.

What options have you got if that happens – when you simply know. I can share with you three I know of.

First, you can smile and say to yourself, this too shall pass and ignore it, because it’s too petty for you to waste your energy on. If it continues, try to find a solution together – therapy, coaching, anything that would help. No matter what, you stay together and help each other get to the other side.   

Second option, you can roll your eyes, say to yourself – I’m not putting up with this again. It has happened too often, too much, we’ve discussed it already, it’s having an impact on our lives. The consequences are too detrimental to our relationship. Your partner could be an addictive, compulsive liar, who needs therapy and it’s too much for you to bear. You don’t want to stay; you can and you want to move on.  

Third case, often the most damaging is when confrontations happen in the heat of the moment. Arguments, defense, blaming, shaming, shouting, pushing, running away. I say, you better avoid that urge and wait for a more conducive moment, because in that particular moment in time you’ll be confronting the ‘liar’, which often represents a fragment of their personality, not the whole. That rarely ends well. Above all, don’t try to change the person, because you cannot.

What about lying to yourself about someone else not lying to you when all your senses tell you that they’re telling you blatant lies. I wouldn’t do that to myself – I don’t think it’s healthy on a long run. But that choice is entirely yours.

Animals don’t plan to lie, deceive, or cheat – if you have spent enough time in the company of dogs, horses, cats you probably noticed that. For example, our dog Daisy – she lies, but her lies are too cute – she pretends she hasn’t eaten so she could get more food even when we all know her tummy is full. Or, she starts barking to get my attention, trying to full me with her story that someone is at the door. All along she was only craving attention – how cute is that and how common to us human beings.
 
Have you ever heard the story about Koko the gorilla when she ripped the sink out of the wall? Koko knew how to use the sign language; when they asked her if she did it, Koko signed it was the cat, not her. 😊 (Source: Koko the gorilla best stories)  

Many of us like to impress upon people our best possible version of ourselves. As humans we need attention, acceptance, and love. When we lie, we get scared that others won’t forgive our lies and transgressions if they find out. We are afraid that we will look bad or lose their respect, their love. ‘Not trustworthy – no love.’ However, if you really love someone – you can see through their lies, recognize their intentions and you will notice if they were innocent and struggling with some deeply rooted issues from the past. In this case, try not to judge – instead, be fully present, so you can help.  

Just like you would with a child who was not able to tell you the truth because he/she was too afraid they’d get punished for breaking your costly, favorite vase – and that too, by mistake.

Some people learned to lie because it was the only way to survive in the harsh environment they grew up in. Later on, they built their lives and sense of security upon that particular behavior. Hence, they don’t know any better, they subconsciously became the servants of the ‘shadow called lie’.

Or, there’s another extreme where people simply don’t care, they became totally numb. Or, they choose to lie out of some compulsive habit that gives them a sense of authority and power. I bet there are endless reasons why people lie. That’s why it’s the intention behind the lie that counts and the main thing worth focusing on.

There are all sorts of people in this world, extremes and everything in between. There are people who represent honesty, stability, truthful, authentic, aware, noble hearts – and there are those who are crumbling, patched up, deceitful liars with crocked, and selfish intentions. The more one oscillates towards the latter end of the spectrum the more energy and time they have to spend to upkeep their lies, to fix things, patch it up, while having to continuously feed their lies hungry shadow. It has the power to corrupt their minds, consume them, turn them into a slave of an addiction. Good news is, that everything is reversible, but it does require hard & arduous work. The question is, how much energy, time, space have you got left in your life and do you really want to spend it all on fixing things? Be wise, chose well.

What about you?

Have you built any fragments of your personality that is based on crooked intentions, where you hide behind your lies, deceits, or manipulation? Try and identify which part – if there is such a part. Is it in your relationship to your partner, to parents, relatives, certain people or particular friends, to authority, colleagues, to yourself, with regards to your health, work, eating habits, when trying to impress others, etc.? Yes, you can be fooling yourself directly as well.

Looking in the past I had a strong urge to be accepted by people. I tried to impress upon – the more I tried to conform to various expectations and standards, the more I failed. I was oozing out the lack of authenticity, and above all I was deceiving myself about being something or someone I was not. Little did I know that I didn’t have to try, because I was special just the way I was. The same way as you are special & precious, just the way you are. They eyes can see, the ears can hear, the nose can smell, the tongue can taste, the skin can sense, but the heart – the heart simply knows.  

One thing you can take away in case you struggle with trust. You can trust anyone according to their level of consciousness at any given time. However, know that may change. Also know, that your assessment depends upon your level of consciousness and your creative force at any given time. Hence, know who you are, be and remain who you are, love yourself and you will never struggle knowing the other – the other – the most accurate mirror reflection of who you are in your life.   

I hope I was able to shed some light on this particular wide spread phenomenon from a slightly different angle. I certainly taught myself a lot, pondering about this topic while writing this ubiquitous piece.   

When your intentions are pure and come from the heart, there’s no need to hide, or worry about. It’s what matters in any relationship – the depth and the level of your authenticity and transparency. The place & space where you are love and not just a feeling, or recollection or memory of love.

Developing your ability to recognize the intention behind words is something you can bring to your attention. When it slips into your awareness it becomes a useful communication tool that provides valuable insights – just in case it’s time to clear the space with kind intervention and compassionate inquiry… 😊

…with love ❤️

Brigi

Seeking Attention and the Art of Deception

Posted in Chapter 3, Year 2022Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
The mask, face split in two.

Many of us were ‘encouraged’ to discover and engage in the act of most innocent deception of attracting much needed attention before we even became aware of what we were doing.

When you are a baby, you need attention, you need love, and recognition – you have the urge to know that you exist, that you’re real – which is all good, it’s part of an essential and healthy ego development. If the attention is not automatically given by our parents when we need it, for as long as we need it, we have no choice but to discover how to attract attention. That’s how we begin learning to manipulate energies and people around us. The story begins with a very special and simple kind of sound called ‘crying’.  

For example, if you did not receive the attention needed from your mother when you were an infant, you had to figure out how to get her attention and eventually you discovered that making noise, i.e., crying, ruffles the feathers and achieves the intention.

Surely, that can be very confusing for parents – there is crying and there is crying. One is real (pain, discomfort, hunger), the other is also real, but intentional – there’s a subtle nuance that reveals the truth and only mothers who are very much connected and in tune with their babes will know exactly which cry is which. But not all mothers have the privilege or that kind of awareness. (Please note, there is no judgement, blame, or shame intended. Thigs are the way they are and everything is a subject of change.) 

This is how manipulation became part of our identity, how it initially helped us attract attention and develop our personality. If you’re interested in this topic, tune into the interview about the importance of vegal theory and the co-regulation when mothering a child, which helps the child to learn about very important act of self-regulation. Knowing how to self-regulate gives a shared feeling of support and helps the child to develop the required neuroplasticity, i.e., the boldness, the strength required to courageously venture out to the world. (‘Trauma and the Nervous System’: Gabor Mate and Stephen Porges – see link below; Time stamp 33:30 – 36:05).

Nearly every mammalian child has 100% access to their mother for as long as they need her – apart from humans. Not that long ago – in hunter gathering societies – infants used to be attached to their mother for as long as they required their presence. Any other way seemed unnatural. Yet, when you look at our modern society, it is clear that infants and babies lack full access to their mother or father (mothering instinct occurs in both genders). Hence, most babies or children are literally ‘encouraged’ to find all sorts of ways of getting the much-needed attention.

Do they get it or not is a different story. Was it successful and fulfilling, or not? If unsuccessful, what kind of traumatic experiences did that leave in their psyche? What are the consequences?

It depends from one person to another, but the good news is, co-regulation happens in every stage of our life, hence we subconsciously seek intimate connection to other mammalians that help us self-regulate (well, that’s one of many reasons).  Co-regulation happens when we are intimately connected to another mammalian – be it our partner, friend, or a pet.    

Looking at the state of our society, the level of disconnect between people – many of us can not give up the need for attention, because it was never fully satisfied and we’re still trying to compensate for something that was never fulfilled. Hence, we crave and seek attention; we come up with all sorts of ways to attract other mammals – just like flowers attract insects to pollinate them and ensure their succession.

Think about the phenomena of social media – it seems to me, it was a natural consequence to develop a system that enables any kind of human interaction – however, I think it gives a false impression of receiving attention we deeply need. The number of likes and followers may boost our ego, but I’m not sure it satisfies what we truly seek. It’s important to be aware of it – else you can get lost – the path can easily lead you towards developing a new addiction.

We are human beings, we are fragile, yet incredibly resilient. We need attention, we need love, we need to be recognized for who we are. We also have a need to give attention, love, recognition to others. As long as you don’t build some fake identity of yourself, as long as you remain authentic, content with who you really are, you will be fine. Even if you end up having a million followers on your social media account or just a few. It’s all the same. Because you know yourself, and nothing, and no-one can ever change that.

Stay alert though. Be careful you don’t start bluffing, pretending to be something or someone you’re not, just because you think you will gain more traction and attention – you can slowly and surely get lost and drift away. That’s another well-known trap and the deeper you get into it, the harder it is to get out, which can turn into yet another level of misery. Here, I’m happy to share my mantra with you; you can trust me, it works: ‘Know yourself, be yourself, love yourself.’

Before I end, I invite you to try something out. Next time you receive attention, accept it with gratitude, don’t take it for granted – respond gracefully – pay it forward wholeheartedly! When someone talks to you, listen to them attentively, being fully present. This includes humans and mammals. Only with the attitude and intention that comes from your heart, can the much-needed healing of this deeply rooted, multigenerational issue, that humanity is currently facing, begin. Every intention counts.

I wish you all a beautiful and blessed day!