“I don’t want to get up, I don’t want to leave my warm and cozy bed, leave my precious dreams behind,” she said. The world she woke up to as a child was so different from what she experienced inside. Her precious dreams so fragile… Afraid she would forget.
Now she’s all grown up, so she takes her favorite pen, to spill her reveries out. She writes them all down. to anchor her visions, so they no longer float around.
Her dreams begin to spill over to her waking state, and her hopes for a more beautiful, magical experience grows brighter and stronger.
*Hurkle Durkle: a 200 year-old Scottish term meaning to lounge in bed long after it’s time to get up. Happiness is hurkle-durkling.
We begin to journey into the resting season of the year, witnessing the trees embrace the winter rest, the song of birds and crickets lingers in the not-too-distant past.
The rhythm of the passing time slows down, as darkness casts its thickest veil we reignite the candlelight, to reflect the flame that burns inside.
Not merely waiting for the brighter season. Instead – we shine forth, radiating from the core. With all the might our cells and hearts soaked in while the Sun was shining strong and high. Without a speck of dim.
Rising, shining bright. As within so without. As above so below. The light is rising out of the dark.
Let’s celebrate the dark, the festive months of winter tide.
The following double-layered cake like story started off with a sweet, simple rhyme about the fully-fledged mouse, which then decided to spill over towards the spirit of AI with its romantic swoon. Here is how…
A Wholehearted Mouse
YOU! Standing strong before the world, In the thrall of your captivating sway. The crowds are eating from the palm of your hand, Enchanted by every word you say.
Yet, when I see you standing on your own, You exude simplicity, With the grandeur that eludes none.
Seems to me you need the world, For the alteration to take place, For your hungry demeanor, To stand powerful and tall.
At times there’s been only you and me; You appeared like a little whiskered bard, Who simply likes to play and potter around.
And who am I?
I am a mouse who can look straight into your eyes And recognize a fellow minstrel of the night, As beautiful and mighty as a timid sprite can be.
To be a mouse, to know I am a mouse, I can stand as strong as any royal house.
To be a mouse, pretending to be a lion, No matter how masterful is your disguise, Your heart remains a heart of a fellow mouse.
Once in a while comes a special day, When you come across a fully-fledged mouse, Perfectly content to be a moonlight dancer, That very moment when you gaze into each other’s eyes, The spark occurs and helps you realize, That you too are perfect just the way you are.
A WholeHearted Whiskered Bard
… I have met many people who told me they dread the work they do and despite all, they choose to endure it all. Regardless of all the repetitive, unrewarding tasks their job entails.
Now – I think that with the rise of AI we have reached a point when we have a chance to hand over the dread that can release us from such drudgery and allow more time and space to explore and find out what it is we truly enjoy doing. What a boon – in every possible conceivable way.
And if you sense fear rising within you, when thinking about the AI, I would suggest not to fall for that fear. This fear is no different than any other change-related fear life throws at our feet. I believe that any non-existential fear holds the key to unlocks the possibly dormant potential within each of us.
The greater the fear the bigger the potential of your ally – I call him/her ‘the sleeping giant or the seeping giantess – if you prefer’.
That is why I love to hurkle-darkle – that means to lounge in my bed long after it’s time to get up. Though I am properly awake, I allow the soft, gentle transition of synching up with my mighty spirit so that we may rise together with joint forces and dance throughout another day filled with gratitude and wonder.
Embodied Movement… In the light of love – we move.
How could I best describe embodied, conscious movement? And why has it become an indispensable part of my life style?
Have you ever noticed how children move, hop and dance around? Ever so effortlessly, it looks so natural. They seem to be having so much fun. That’s exactly why I love embodied conscious movement – it’s utterly liberating and helps me unwind from all the dealings that are part & parcel of the grown-up world.
It’s a medicine to my soul I have access to – at all times. Through moving my body together with all other moving bodies in a safe container facilitated by a skillful and present guide by our side. I become more aware of what transpires as I move together and on my own. Pivoting from exploring, tasting your dance to coming back home to my own dance – enriched by the experience of a new flavour I can now add to my own.
I am wondering – is there such a thing as “my dance”? For, I am a composition – a formation of all the people and experiences I have ever been touched by in my life. However I may have perceived it – pleasantly, in fear, with aversion, with an open or a closed heart and mind.
I cultivate a deeper sense of awareness, anchoring my faculty of presence as I begin to move. In a most playful possible way.
I share my experiences with my fellow movers; feeling comfortable to be myself – my authentic me. I am not expected to please or have a need to dance to impress upon anyone. And when I do, that’s fine to – as long as I am aware of my beings and doings. I dance to express all different parts of my self – sometimes fast or slow, vigorously or through a set of micro-movements, with music or in silence, in communion with people, the ocean, trees, the sun, the birds, all that is around or simply on my own.
I am allowing myself to be, through movement – there is no agenda. Only pure movement – I have no need for any substances that would alter my state of being. When I move I can’t get stuck. I don’t wait for the emotions or my moods to change before I decide to make a move – I instigate the move and let the emotions follow the suite. I nudge myself to move despite the flavour of my current state of being. As I begin to move, I create the flow with it’s ripple effects and let it take me where I need to go and do my thing. When I move I don’t get stuck. My movement can be tinny – invisible to the observing eye – yet, inside me, I move. My gaze softens, and I allow my body tissues and my nerves to relax. I realize there is no need for competition, exaggerated ambition, or intensity when not called for.
Our bodies hold the innate intelligence that informs us of our deeply rooted patterns that keep us out of balance and no longer serve us. When I pause and tune in, I am able to learn how to move, to move through such patterns that cause me unease.
I learn to cultivate moments composed of many pauses – moments where I simply freeze. Being a witness to myself, to others and being witnessed by others – not trying to change anything, to interfere, or interject. Being present for my fellow movers while allowing whatever is wanting to occur – to happen.
Tears, joy, fear, trepidation, doubt, memories, pain, desires, pleasure, love, hate, connection, disconnect, projections, anger, shame, blame, judgements, wanting to hide and run away, feeling helpless, not knowing. All parts of ourselves are welcome on the sacred dance floor; nothing is taken personally, yet all is personal.
Nothing is taken personally, yet everything is very personal.
And so I take all this learning and embodied wisdom as I transition from one container to another. From my scrumptiously delicious dancing pod in sunny California to my beloved home in the cold, green north. To my workplace of play, inspiration, and creation.
There’s no separation when embodied, conscious movement leads the way. Sometimes I choose to move slow or fast, gently or vigorously, in a big audacious or tinny, small way. Always trying to be aware of my semipermeable moving vehicle with the capacity to embody it all. To choose and say yes or no. To participate or take a break. To set healthy boundaries. To watch life unfold – for me, for us all.
With gratitude that I am alive – that I have the required means, time, support, courage, and will to experience the gift of a year-long with Zuza and you all.
I show up. Trusting that I can. I come to this world to play and be the being of love, which I am. When I mess up, that’s ok. I pause, reset and start again. I know that I can. Because I am. A being of light & love. Showing you the way, just like you show me your way to live my life more fully, as an expression of my most beautiful, generous, loving, joyful, authentic self. Oh, I do love that thought.
So, it is true. “From caring comes courage”, the courage to listen and respond to the calling of the Heart. (The Girl With a Rose)
I thank you for enriching my life with your preciousness, with your divine presence.
I dance… I am danced…I become my dance. The dance becomes me.
And now, I wonder… How do you move through your life? What is the one thing I have shared that could enrich your dance of life, making it more pleasant, fulfilling, meaningful, revealing? Five percent more or five percent less can can make a big difference.
Is it possible for you to receive this flow of thoughts with an open heart and place it at the back of your mind as you go about your day – and see what transpires when you least expect it?
Yeah, I am a curious mover, that’s for sure.
“Zuza, thank you for delicious 5% 😊💕. In the light of love, we move… “
It’s been a while since I shared any of my contemplations, apart from the poems that continue trickling on. Sometimes the content pours, sometimes it drips and at times the facet goes dry. I suppose it’s all part of an organic flow, without my pusher self trying to interfere or force myself to write for the sake of writing more and more. Either way – neither is good nor bad – it’s just different and so is the outcome. My unique dance depends on how well I am tuned in and willing to express myself as I journey on. And above all – a part of me knows very well when I have something valuable to share and when it’s time to note things down.
Here is the question that gave birth to my Diamond Face Quest:
‘What have I come to understand over the past year?’
I’m a linguist by heart and I love discovering clues through different expressions. For example, how often have you been asked a question: “Are you enjoying yourself?” Yes, exactly! The question itself alludes to the fact that it’s natural to have different parts of our selves and to be in a relationship with each one of them – each one of me.
We all have multiple personality traits, just like a diamond with multiple facets, each reflecting light and casting shadow from its each and every unique angle. Every reflection is a part of the same exquisite diamond.
This thought came to me as I was listening to Sidra and Hal Stone and their wisdom, distilled into a technique called Voice Dialogue. And although I have thought about personality traits many times, it never quite landed the way it did when I connected the dots with their strain of thoughts.
Thanks to this connection I was able to synthesize the knowledge that afforded me much-needed clarity and answered many of my questions.
Much of what I have written over the past year was part of my ‘trying to understand’ quest. I delved into my past events that represent certain obstructions or blockages as they manifest in daily life. I noticed them when I feel stuck and get stuck. This usually manifests in a multitude of ways – not being able to make a decision, struggling to follow through with a certain decision, backing off, hesitation, limitations in my way of thinking, rising of fear, shyness, and difficulties with expression.
I also noticed certain patterns that manifest through various situations and don’t want to go away. They keep on inviting me to face the situation, to pause and properly look into it the ‘troubling matter of sticky affairs’. I find pausing to be an important part of the process while trying to regain clarity of the situation I find myself in. It helps me return to my composed state of being – therein lies much wisdom I gain access through.
Instead of resisting or forcefully trying to overcome the obstruction by repeating the experience over and over again, I learned to slow down, pause, soften up and contemplate. For me, this happens to be the space and the place where all the knowledge I have ever acquired and all the experience I went through integrate. It’s how I get an insight.
Extending the pause, I gradually began understanding the aspects and roles of various parts of personality traits we each have – that I have. Personality traits we are driven by in life, the parts of us we like to put on display. For example, the part of me that helps me get things done and those few I would rather hide away – like the lazy, grumbling, or procrastinating me. It’s important to recognize all parts – those obvious and dominant and those few we have disowned because we were ‘programmed’ to “steer away from that”. It could have been a part of a behavior that was considered ‘unacceptable’ by the standards of society and family that was rearing us into becoming a certain human being (i.e., human doing) – consciously or unconsciously.
Deep conditioning can be ingrained and can form parts of our disowned personality in early childhood. Can you still remember your aunties or teachers telling you how you should not behave, what you should not do or say, what you should be ashamed of? I certainly do.
Certain schools of thoughts call these disowned parts of personality ‘our shadows’, ‘ghosts from the past’, or even bhutas*.
However we choose to address these parts of our selves and whatever connotation that brings up in our mind, all of the parts are beloved children of our ubiquitous I. All of them are asking of us to be accepted, acknowledged, and loved. The so called ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ – they all carry a potential to support us on this journey. Hence, the importance of being aware while honing our self management skills.
It’s an important realization and a founding stone of responsible parenthood. First and foremost, I am here to be a parent of each aspect of the one who wakes up every day and faces every single situation I find myself in. I continue learning about all of me – all the time – with patience, perseverance, and a lot of love and acceptance. Especially when facing the parts of me I am prone to hide or shy away from and would most gladly keep them in the dark. Little did I know that hiding and disowning is not the most conducive approach that leads toward the integration of one self.
Instead, it continues adding to confusion and fragmentation. And although I accept that my current ability of understanding is continuously evolving, I’m ok sharing my current stream of thoughts – because this is where I am on my journey and the journey goes on. Just like a river, I continue to flow. I don’t have to know it all. In fact, I can’t, and that’s ok. I journey on. I share what I have learned and keep my heart and mind open and soft – just like water with all the qualities she imbibes.
Awareness of one self includes knowing about different nuances of our personality. For example, there is a part of me I call a dreamer – Alice in Wonderland who grew up dwelling in a fairytale and fantasy world and wasn’t quite able to connect the two worlds and build a bridge between them. This gave birth to a disappointed part of the self. The world of a dreamer can be a great source of inspiration, creativity, excitement and it can also easily distort reality, lead one into a trap and cause disappointments that can result in sadness or even depression. Like this multiple selves are born.
“The spiraling dynamic of personalities is fascinating” – echoes my relentlessly curious self with a smile.
So, my job is not to disown my dreamer – my job is to help my dreamer distinguish between the dream world and different realities I interact with in life as a non dreamer. This way I can equip my dreamer with the required wisdom and give her a safe outlet to continue exploring the world of imagination without getting burned – and without burning all her brothers and sisters. There’s no need for a war – parenting is a skill well worth mastering.
I like the Voice Dialogue exercise and the questions that nudge us to discover different facets of the diamond we each are. At the same time I need to remain cautious not to get lost in digging – because it can easily become a never-ending quest. Instead of doing endless numbers of exercises, I try to get the gist of it – I’m not quite sure how to explain this in words. Let me try…
It’s a bit like trying to catch a wave and surf. Once you caught one wave, you just get it – you understand the nature of the flow, the importance of patience, of pausing, being aware of when is the right moment to lift up your body, stand on your board and ride the wave until you step off gracefully in the shallow waters of the shore. There’s no need to catch them all. You probably couldn’t – even if you tried. Unless of course you are Alice in Wonderland.
This is as far as my understanding goes – for now.
*Bhutas – A bhoota or bhuta (Sanskrit: भूत ,bhūta) is a supernatural creature, usually the ghost of a deceased person, in the popular culture, literature and some ancient texts of the Indian subcontinent.