Such magnificence by the ocean, So much aliveness in togetherness of folding and unfolding. From my heart to your heart. Longing – Yes, I too am longing.
My heart is swelling as I fly between two corners of the world, Filled with all your blessings. They carry me home – from your home to my home. I carry you home with every beat of my heart.
My heart beats with your heart wrapped in a cozy warm blanket. I savour the precious, the sacred, the magic.
My muse, my source of inspiration! Yes, you are my elevation.
I move with you on a dance floor, together and apart. I hold your essence; I hold it closest to my heart.
I fold towards my heart like the petals of a rose fold in at night. Oh, the sweet fragrance of your hearts. I close my eyes, my body sways. I move, I am moved inside out, together and apart.
It’s been a while since I shared any of my contemplations, apart from the poems that continue trickling on. Sometimes the content pours, sometimes it drips and at times the facet goes dry. I suppose it’s all part of an organic flow, without my pusher self trying to interfere or force myself to write for the sake of writing more and more. Either way – neither is good nor bad – it’s just different and so is the outcome. My unique dance depends on how well I am tuned in and willing to express myself as I journey on. And above all – a part of me knows very well when I have something valuable to share and when it’s time to note things down.
Here is the question that gave birth to my Diamond Face Quest:
‘What have I come to understand over the past year?’
I’m a linguist by heart and I love discovering clues through different expressions. For example, how often have you been asked a question: “Are you enjoying yourself?” Yes, exactly! The question itself alludes to the fact that it’s natural to have different parts of our selves and to be in a relationship with each one of them – each one of me.
We all have multiple personality traits, just like a diamond with multiple facets, each reflecting light and casting shadow from its each and every unique angle. Every reflection is a part of the same exquisite diamond.
This thought came to me as I was listening to Sidra and Hal Stone and their wisdom, distilled into a technique called Voice Dialogue. And although I have thought about personality traits many times, it never quite landed the way it did when I connected the dots with their strain of thoughts.
Thanks to this connection I was able to synthesize the knowledge that afforded me much-needed clarity and answered many of my questions.
Much of what I have written over the past year was part of my ‘trying to understand’ quest. I delved into my past events that represent certain obstructions or blockages as they manifest in daily life. I noticed them when I feel stuck and get stuck. This usually manifests in a multitude of ways – not being able to make a decision, struggling to follow through with a certain decision, backing off, hesitation, limitations in my way of thinking, rising of fear, shyness, and difficulties with expression.
I also noticed certain patterns that manifest through various situations and don’t want to go away. They keep on inviting me to face the situation, to pause and properly look into it the ‘troubling matter of sticky affairs’. I find pausing to be an important part of the process while trying to regain clarity of the situation I find myself in. It helps me return to my composed state of being – therein lies much wisdom I gain access through.
Instead of resisting or forcefully trying to overcome the obstruction by repeating the experience over and over again, I learned to slow down, pause, soften up and contemplate. For me, this happens to be the space and the place where all the knowledge I have ever acquired and all the experience I went through integrate. It’s how I get an insight.
Extending the pause, I gradually began understanding the aspects and roles of various parts of personality traits we each have – that I have. Personality traits we are driven by in life, the parts of us we like to put on display. For example, the part of me that helps me get things done and those few I would rather hide away – like the lazy, grumbling, or procrastinating me. It’s important to recognize all parts – those obvious and dominant and those few we have disowned because we were ‘programmed’ to “steer away from that”. It could have been a part of a behavior that was considered ‘unacceptable’ by the standards of society and family that was rearing us into becoming a certain human being (i.e., human doing) – consciously or unconsciously.
Deep conditioning can be ingrained and can form parts of our disowned personality in early childhood. Can you still remember your aunties or teachers telling you how you should not behave, what you should not do or say, what you should be ashamed of? I certainly do.
Certain schools of thoughts call these disowned parts of personality ‘our shadows’, ‘ghosts from the past’, or even bhutas*.
However we choose to address these parts of our selves and whatever connotation that brings up in our mind, all of the parts are beloved children of our ubiquitous I. All of them are asking of us to be accepted, acknowledged, and loved. The so called ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ – they all carry a potential to support us on this journey. Hence, the importance of being aware while honing our self management skills.
It’s an important realization and a founding stone of responsible parenthood. First and foremost, I am here to be a parent of each aspect of the one who wakes up every day and faces every single situation I find myself in. I continue learning about all of me – all the time – with patience, perseverance, and a lot of love and acceptance. Especially when facing the parts of me I am prone to hide or shy away from and would most gladly keep them in the dark. Little did I know that hiding and disowning is not the most conducive approach that leads toward the integration of one self.
Instead, it continues adding to confusion and fragmentation. And although I accept that my current ability of understanding is continuously evolving, I’m ok sharing my current stream of thoughts – because this is where I am on my journey and the journey goes on. Just like a river, I continue to flow. I don’t have to know it all. In fact, I can’t, and that’s ok. I journey on. I share what I have learned and keep my heart and mind open and soft – just like water with all the qualities she imbibes.
Awareness of one self includes knowing about different nuances of our personality. For example, there is a part of me I call a dreamer – Alice in Wonderland who grew up dwelling in a fairytale and fantasy world and wasn’t quite able to connect the two worlds and build a bridge between them. This gave birth to a disappointed part of the self. The world of a dreamer can be a great source of inspiration, creativity, excitement and it can also easily distort reality, lead one into a trap and cause disappointments that can result in sadness or even depression. Like this multiple selves are born.
“The spiraling dynamic of personalities is fascinating” – echoes my relentlessly curious self with a smile.
So, my job is not to disown my dreamer – my job is to help my dreamer distinguish between the dream world and different realities I interact with in life as a non dreamer. This way I can equip my dreamer with the required wisdom and give her a safe outlet to continue exploring the world of imagination without getting burned – and without burning all her brothers and sisters. There’s no need for a war – parenting is a skill well worth mastering.
I like the Voice Dialogue exercise and the questions that nudge us to discover different facets of the diamond we each are. At the same time I need to remain cautious not to get lost in digging – because it can easily become a never-ending quest. Instead of doing endless numbers of exercises, I try to get the gist of it – I’m not quite sure how to explain this in words. Let me try…
It’s a bit like trying to catch a wave and surf. Once you caught one wave, you just get it – you understand the nature of the flow, the importance of patience, of pausing, being aware of when is the right moment to lift up your body, stand on your board and ride the wave until you step off gracefully in the shallow waters of the shore. There’s no need to catch them all. You probably couldn’t – even if you tried. Unless of course you are Alice in Wonderland.
This is as far as my understanding goes – for now.
*Bhutas – A bhoota or bhuta (Sanskrit: भूत ,bhūta) is a supernatural creature, usually the ghost of a deceased person, in the popular culture, literature and some ancient texts of the Indian subcontinent.
Spring bids us goodbye… when midnight strikes it’s summer time!
Poets in the Night, dancing through the day. The music lifts me up, my body sways, feet lead the way.
The rhythm of the rhyme The rising of the dawn; she sets the pace, the vibe, I move, I get into the groove.
The offspring squeaks at midnight, the egg of summer cracks, days lean towards the dimmer half, we move, slide through, unfettered, devoid of getting stuck.
Fireflies glow bright in summer night, the rising of the sun, you make my day, you set the tone.
The spirit of the open heart, beckons me to step outside, to touch the grass, to dance, to sing, to interplay, to feel the joy, to thrive.
Trust is a fine tuned dance. Similar frequencies of soul formations are drawn into a soft, gentle, fluid embrace.
Shadows of the past grow faint; Doubt’s grip weakens, Me – coming to know myself, You – coming to know yourself; The balance can no longer be shaken, or broken by the worldly events.
Trust is the warp and the weft, the rhythm and the rhyme, The resonance of synchronous hearts, emanating harmonies, empowering people’s lives.
Purer, truer, transcending space and time. The scent of fear and doubt are but a faint memories of a distant life.
I hold the power to transform what I touch; You lift me up toward the place you cannot go when on your own, I open your eyes, your heart in ways I cannot reach my self alone. Together, we transcend the ways of the old, untangling ancestral ties.
So much bliss, when we find ourselves adorned with grace. Elevated by the mystical experience, lovingly embraced… Day by day, aligned, blessed with breakthroughs and potent insights. No trouble or toil of the shadow world can reclaim our flight.
Such wonderous dance; Infused with honey & roses; Sweet like the the song of the happiest child.
Let your spirit soar high! One to One with the Eagle’s eye.
I smile. Pleased; Grateful for handing over the key to unlock the passage of trust; The ready path for open minds and tender hearts.
To my Father; I hope you found peace. (May 6, 1941 – May 30, 1988) 🙏
I’m walking down the memory lane… I see the classroom full of familiar faces; Cheerful voices bouncing off the vibrant walls. The scent of lilac and the lime tree flowers fill the air.
Old memories appear, as I vividly remember my early school day years. Always eager – yet no matter how hard I tried, I never made it among the first few shining stars.
Good enough and never the best. I tried hard; yet somehow – that very moment, when time ran out and I had to hand over the test, all the solutions suddenly appeared in my head. Easy and clear – without fear. At the point when it was too late to make any addition or change.
Those were my school days. Nettlesome demeanor, messy hair, and lack of flair.
Until my fourth grade – unsure how or why – it was one of those unusual, ‘out of the blue moments in time’.
That was the year when I thought. the Universe danced, spinning ’round my head! Elected president of the year, graduating as an A student at last. For the very first and the last time. I was among the best ones in the class!
I wanted to make you feel proud of what I considered to be the very best version of me. Yet, before the 4th school year came to an end, before I could bring you the accolade, your body lay cold, in the earth’s embrace.
I tried hard but the forces were not aligned, Fate did not allow me to make you feel proud of your 10-year-old victory girl in real time. I sometimes wished I had a magic wand.
And so it was. A family with a missing father. Left behind was a dissolving clan of four, a few broken hearts, some unfinished business, and shattered dreams. With plenty of vigor and vitality to carry on.
Our faces have changed, our voices have softened, and every year the Spring returns infused with fragrant blossoms.
I am proud of how far we have come, all that we have done, and all we have become.
Learning to surrender; Calling forth the space and time to contemplate, to comprehend.
I heard you say the other day: “Do not fight with life; love your life.” Challenging my thoughts, your wisdom echoes far and wide.
“What kind of a day are you inviting in your life, when you open the door of your home, of your car, of your heart, as if marching into a battlefield’s strife, unmindful of the gentle currents, of the graceful flow?
Going against the grain with your words, attitudes, behaviors, causing unnecessary struggle and pain. To others, to yourself.”
“Remind yourself that grinding your teeth is a costly affair.”
“Can you learn to accept, to welcome events as they choose to evolve, with all the wisdom they present, knowing you are always in God’s hands?”
You know it too well – some plans work out, some change, some others simply need more time.
Snowdrops bloom in early spring; Sunflowers feed the bees until the winter’s seize.
I am a witness, learning when to paddle, when not to meddle, when to simply let go and surrender to the flow. Sometimes to the unexpected, to the unknown. Accepting, to be blessed, by the magical synchronicity of fractals – at its best.
After all, what is time, if not my greatest ally, my faithful friend, inviting me to embrace new possibilities, to taste, to dance, to revel in the abundance of different realities.
To create synergies, to explore. Learning to trust, to surrender. Knowing that I can. Knowing I am held by Grace.
Pausing in the stillness of the eddy, while the flames are burning, while the water’s churning the elixir that fuels my inner fire.
Unveiling the Art of Surrender – a gateway towards the state of inner peace. The waters keep on flowing, her blazing flames forever glowing.
For if the words and sentiments I am able to convey – in such a way – that it tickles you with the sweetest sensation pulsing through your heart, a heart of another fellow woman or a man, than I’m grateful even more, for the minutes of the day have indeed been spent well.
And I – I know I have lived a more loving and fulfilling day.
Have a glorious day! Folding and unfolding in all sorts of wonderful ways.
I’m standing still, ears caught by the song of birds and humming drops of rain, by the noise of passing cars and scheduled trains.
Again, I find myself aware of a rushing world, a few days, a few miles away from sacred place well-sheltered from mechanic race.
I find myself at peace, despite the traffic of the busy world. I am what I have always been.
Eyes glance around the whirling Mother Earth, gazing across the tangled web of restless thoughts through space of manmade noise and ceaseless clutter, with less and less remaining space, where spirit comes to meet the matter.
Eyes peer toward the happy song of a Robin, towards the chitter-chatter of three smiling ducks, towards the graceful crane, standing in the stillness of the flowing water, waiting to receive its faithful share.
Fly high and rise above the plane of fear and worries. Dive deep into the wonder of Gaia’s stories. From mountain peak to ocean shore, to the valley steep through wind and storm, until the day you reach the core; There dwells a need to search no more.
The sun shines brighter when you live to love, when your heart is open, when you smile with childlike joy. It’s all that really matters.
It’s all that really matters, as we journey on, hand in hand and heart to heart.
I perceive. Eyes receive. You perceive me. Your eyes receive me. How? Is there a difference? The eyes are the mirror of the soul. They look to see beyond. No likes, dislikes, aversions, or attachments. When you realize that “Eyes receive”, you too are ready to “receive.” Fully, as it is – no filters applied. Both, light and the absence of light flow through. Such is my yardstick, teaching me how to surrender. Being soft as mud not hard as a brick.
