To a 10-Year-Old Me

Father and Daughter walking in the forest

To my Father;
I hope you found your peace.
(May 6, 1941 – May 30, 1988)

I’m walking down memory lane…  
I see the classroom full of familiar little faces;
Lively voices bouncing off the vibrant walls.
The scent of lilac and lime tree blossoms perfuming the air.
Old memories appear,
As I vividly remember my early school day years.
Always eager – yet no matter how hard I tried,
I never made it among the first few shining stars.

Just good enough, but never the best.
The very moment I let go and submitted the test,
all the solutions suddenly appeared, easy and clear.
At a point when it was too late to make any change.

Those were my school day years.
Nettlesome demeanor, messy hair, and lack of flair. 

Until my fourth grade – unsure how or why –
it was one of those unusual,
‘out of the blue moments in time’.

That was the year when I thought.
the Universe danced, spinning ’round my head!
Elected president of the year,
graduating as an A student at last.
For the very first and the last time.
So proud!

I wanted to make you feel proud of
what I considered to be the very best version of me.
 Yet, before the 4th school year came to an end,
before I could bring you the accolade,
your body lay cold, in the earth’s embrace, descend. 

I tried so hard, but the forces were misaligned,
Fate did not allow me to make you feel proud
of your sweet 10-year-old victory girl.
If only I had a magic wand.

With love to my father
short-tempered, short-lived.
Left behind was a dissolving clan of four;
a young, wounded widow & a mother,
two teenage brothers,
a lost little girl,
many broken hearts
and shattered dreams.

Plentiful legacy of blessings and shadows contained.
Ancestral toil woven deep, ingrained.
Inheritance of labor, secrets unfurled,
Enduring echoes, long outlast your departure from this world.

Our faces have changed,
our voices have softened,
and each spring’s been full of fragrant blossoms.

I am proud of how far we have come,
all that we have done,
and all we have become.

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