Desires, Cravings, and Love

Rama & Sita

Embrace the truth! If there was no desire you would not be here and now. You would not be alive.

What is desire? What drives our desires? Why do we sometimes get blinded by desires and lost in desires? What is the root of human desire?

Could it be life itself?

On a daily basis, desires manifest through many expressions in life. For example, food, love, sex, solitude, touch, a kiss, connection, high speed, prestige, status, this woman, that man, danger, extreme sports, productivity, excitement, attention, winning, losing, drugs, alcohol, arts, sports, pain, pleasure, a combination of several things together that amplify our experience in life. It often leads to so called dopamine spike.   

What is the common denominator of all these expressions of desire? To feel alive!

I get attracted to something that stokes my inner – possibly – latent fire, which I am not able to stoke myself otherwise, hence I need a certain external stimulus to feel more alive.

Are there different kinds of desires? Such as healthy vs unhealthy desire? What happens when desire turns into obsession, or even addiction? When it takes over and you lose yourself, your mind, even your life?

What about healthy desire? The one that stokes just enough fire to still make you feel alive in relationship towards yourself and the rest of the world, and yet you maintain perfectly balanced, content, and composed.  

Desire to feel alive rings a bell. The more disconnected I am from my true self, the more extreme becomes my sport.

As if my cells are longing, yearning, needing for something that is not here. As if I am missing a part of me and I just don’t know how to rekindle and reconnect. It’s like – sometimes – I feel hungry, yet it is a very different kind of hunger compared to being hungry for food. It doesn’t matter how much I would eat and whatever I would consume I could still not satisfy these deep cravings, this deep hunger that can drive me to the edge if unsatisfied. There is no material food in this world that could satisfy that mysterious hunger.

It feels like when you try your best to grasp the air and no matter how deep is your breath, or however much oxygen is out there, you can’t get enough of it. It’s just not there.

Have you ever felt like that?

Food is a big part of human existence. We need sustenance to survive, to thrive, to be healthy, to receive and convert the required fuel so our beautiful bodies can operate, and our souls can express. Yet, we often confuse our hunger with the inner most hunger that nourishes our being, our soul and our cells – with hungry for food. Food is the easiest, most accessible, and closest type of satisfaction most of us often resort to.

Once I grasped this subtle distinction between hunger for love vs. hunger for food it hit me quite hard. The realization that there is no such thing as compensation for love – the most important nourishment for all the cells vibrating in our body.

Love vibrates at a certain frequency and only that frequency is able to penetrate deep inside, to infuse us, to sooth us, so that the whole fabric of what we’re made of gets nourished.

Some of us have been deeply deprived of that nourishment when infants, and in our childhood. For many reasons – we might had not been able to experience love even if it was there, or we actually didn’t receive love when it was needed the most. The next, closes available substance to us all, has always been food. Hence various food related issues we may struggle with, such as food addiction, binge eating, sugar craving, obesity, eating disorders.

I had quite a few difficult years in my late teens, early twenties, battling with my own imbalances that manifested as an eating disorder. I’m very lucky it all turned out well and I was able to overcome it. It’s also one of the main reasons I can deeply relate to this topic and understand the difference between different types of hunger we experience in our daily life.

Once we get lost in the grip of a very strong desire, that has a detrimental impact on our overall health and state of being (physical, mental, psychological), it is very easy to spiral down and become increasingly disconnected internally as well as externally. General tendency is to close ourselves from everyone who could be able to help us and love us. We hide, because we are ashamed, frightened, vulnerable, afraid, and we feel unworthy and broken inside.

It’s sometimes very hard to talk about our inner struggles, especially when we’re young. Particularly when the surrounding environment is not very kind. Deep emotions exist beyond time and space, especially when experience feels close to the core.

I have learned my lesson and have fine-tuned that distinction between craving for food and the need to love and be loved.  

Desire, hunger, love, craving, obsession, struggle, destruction or liberation.  Yeah, that’s about it – that sums it up quite well. Our life begins out of desire, the first thing we experience when we’re born is hunger – both hunger for food and hunger for love. When either of the two is out of balance we struggle. Imbalance can lead towards variations of destruction or freedom.

The only savior in case of imbalance is love.

My struggle was with food. Yours might have been or still is with something else.

There’s something I constantly have to remind myself of – to accept and trust life, to accept love, because I deserve it. It’s the only thing that can heal us inside out. Being around people we trust and love, who reciprocate our love is one of the greatest blessings in life. It’s like magic, but much better. It’s natural, effortless; the ease and abundance of being in the moment with your loved ones is the most precious and fulfilling experience in life. Learn to recognize ‘transactional’ types of people, so you don’t end up being disappointed. Surround yourself with people you love, who love you. People you can ask for or offer help when needed most. Recognize those people and be grateful. Every present moment filled with love is a gift, it’s the only true gift that never expires, the most precious gift you can pass on.

I hope you find your way to restore and always maintain your inner balance. Always look on the bright side of life! May all be well.


2 thoughts on “Desires, Cravings, and Love

  1. Very holistically and deeply connects formations of various eating disorders to the root of the problem. revealing indeed. Thank you Brigi.

    1. As always, thank you Chandan, for your valuable insight. You’re right, I did not want to go in too many details about eating disorder as per se – it’s a complex topic, but the root cause is the same for us all. However, different healing modalities are be required to overcome this issue. Each has to find their own – but find they must! And there’s plenty to choose from. Good luck to all!

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