Life is a journey of self-discovery
Life is a mystery and we are all lifelong lovers
We owe it to the Life Force to be able to enjoy our lives, to express our deeper most desires and to follow our hearts.
Unless you’re a highly evolved yogi; then you remain fully aware, disciplined, no longer creating new desires, only fulfilling what remains, being in service to life and humanity.
I don’t claim to know how anyone should lead your life. I am simply trying to figure out mine as I go along and share what I see, learn, and unlearn.
My life has been a mystery. I would fail if I was trying to grasp it with logical mind full of concepts and particular ways of perception influenced by the environment my thinking was shaped by.
I have come a long way and it hasn’t always been easy sailing. Just as sailing isn’t. The ocean, just like life, is full of surprises. I had to work quite hard to get to this place of calmer waters where I currently am.
There have been many events that mark various stages of my progress. One of most notable one happened when I went to Costa Rica to attend a one-week Wisdom & Wellbeing course focusing on recognizing and healing childhood trauma.
There were 60 of us, from all walks of life, different ages, nationalities, levels of trauma. One thing we had in common. We were all there to heal our wounds, by trying to recognize and reach our innermost struggles, trying to let them go.
As human beings we are bound to be carriers of all sorts of memories, imprints, experiences, emotions. We carry visible or invisible scars, deep ones, shallow ones, all kinds that get triggered at various times in our daily lives. As Vessel van Der Kolk puts it so profoundly, body keeps a score. Or Gabor Mate’s analogy of being in the realm of the hungry ghost. Both of these analogies speak to me and, oh boy, have I counted my scores and have I been bloating up those greedy ghosts.
Back to Pura Vida… I had a time of my life, it felt even more so after 2 years of “Covidly” restrained lifestyle. I met more people in a week than I have in the span of 2 years together. The first few days were quite overwhelming, a sensory overload, but the lush nature, the ocean, the winds, the birds, and the howler monkeys helped to diffuse it and make it work just fine. Not to mention the most delicious food full of life and goodness. We were nourished body and soul. I felt like I was spending time in heaven, being continuously swept off my feet by the sound of the ocean waves. I could hear the ocean and even feel the wave sensation while lying in my cabin at the end of each and very special day.
I have met a number of kindred spirits, for which I am incredibly grateful. You truly are the spirits that made the experience even more magical. Jane, the morning ocean goddess that showed me safe ways where I could swim. Both of us there, every morning, saluting the sun, being infused with the ocean magic that’s created every single night while we sleep.
Having swam my heart out in the morning I would drift ashore, find a rock, find a comfortable sitting position with a straight spine. I would close my eyes and become one with the sound of the ocean, become the unique scent carried by the waves that touched my feet as I began to melt.
It’s hard to put it in words. Just like I cannot fully convey the deliciousness of most scrumptious ice-cream, because you have to experience it yourself. Though, I can walk up that hill, get the ice-cream, fun back, hoping it won’t melt too much by the time I return, and hand over the experience directly into your hands, so you may feel the joy my heart was bursting to share.
Sometimes it’s hard to understand why we do certain things, they make no-sense. I do it, simply, because I can. I have a choice and I choose to live well and if I can extend that even for a smidgen, I get such a kick. To see the spark of joy in people I can share that with. It magnifies my sparks, turning it into lightning, sometimes so much so that the whole body begins to tremble and I have to calm down to come back to my senses.
There is so much energy available out there, inside us, at all times, if only we have the eyes to see and the heart open enough to receive and give.
A single, most unexpected and unusual peck between a Sloth and Cougar can send you flying out in space. Pure joy of cosmic madness, no magic mushrooms required.
Or hanging out in the hot tidal pools with your buddies and swimming in the ocean … instead of attending afternoon lessons. Just because we can, and because we have choice.
I only have to remember, connect to those moments and I feel my heart starting to open. As if I was right there, overflowing with all sorts of emotions. Joy, happiness, fear, sadness, anger, love. Above all, love for this creation, for the opportunities, for fellow travelers. For the song of howler monkeys walking me up to another glorious morning, even if as early as 4am. Heart was full of joy, all I could do was smile.
I am very fortunate to be able to afford such adventures. To have a home which is as precious as can be, and my buddy that means a world to me. Having that in my heart while away adds 1/2 of the magic I am able to experience. I know that very well, having ventured out quite a lot before. Not having a loving, peaceful home to return to is half of the equation.
Which brings me nicely back to our workshop, diving into childhood traumas that brought up lots of ‘heavy load’ we had to face and deal with. Each and every one of us in our own unique ways. And although that precious week is now weeks behind, the journey continues and I will never be the same again.
Something has shifted in me, profoundly. I have found a part of me that was always there, yet invisible, unreachable to me for most of my life. A part of me that’s been repressed for so long that I no longer knew it existed.
Something shifted in me, profoundly. I found a part of me that was always there, yet invisible, unreachable to me for most of my life. A part of me that’s been repressed for so long that I no longer knew it existed.
I found my voice. The rest is history.
I am grateful to you all. My heart begins to swell, my eyes get moist. You were all part of my journey and I thank you, for all I was able to give and was received and for all I was able to receive from you. I only wish we could have held each other in our arms a few moments longer.
May our journeys be forever blessed. And may we meet again to repeat the cosmic dance, to play like children, and continue being the joy to behold.